RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 1:19:26 PM)

I can say without a shadow of a doubt, the decision to marry was not an easy one after watching my parents and most of those around me's marriage torture and twist and finally break up causing upset in all directions. I married with the full and honest intention of it being for life, for better or for worse and in sickness and in health, vows I take seriously.

Leaving that marriage, was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and knowing that makes me tread carefully.



LaTigresse -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 1:28:02 PM)

Nothing at all wrong with the concept of marriage. Unfortunately too many idiots jump into it for all the wrong reasons then throw a nasty hissy fit when it doesn't meet their unrealistic expectations.



kdsub -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 1:33:49 PM)

I think Anerin has it figured right. People often change their behavior to catch a mate...or think that after marriage they can change the behavior of their mate. Either behavior usually guarantees a failed marriage.

Butch



SavageFaerie -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 6:29:38 PM)

Married 3 times, divorced 3 times. Had a couple of short term live in's but thats it.  The last live in was 10 years ago.  I blame myself for jumping from one marriage to the other and making extremely bad choices for the sake of not being alone.

10 years on my own, I've got used to it. Well in a relationship, I have and still live with others because of my small pittance I get to live on monthly.

Sometimes I miss it, most times I dont, I know mentally I couldnt go in without my ratty baggage, and prefer not to heft it of on someone.



Aneirin -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 6:57:23 PM)

If by baggage you mean past experiences and insecurities, everyone has them, no one goes into a relationship without some baggage. Often with baggage though, it can be sifted through and that which is not needed can be discarded. Often with a new relationship, be that friends or closer, one finds the carrying is too much to bear and the little items can be let go.

I had a lot of baggage, but my friends have helped me shed most, I still have a bit, but that will go in time. Being alone is one thing, but being alone and comfortable with oneself is another, those that manage to live beyond the need to not be alone often learn that the best person one can live with is the self. Be good and kind to the self and one can then extend that goodness to another, should the right other come along.



MissSCD -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/29/2008 8:13:41 PM)

It melts before you get to eat it.
 
Regards, MissSCD



Hippiekinkster -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/30/2008 5:07:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

Aneirin

Marriage is like a box of chocolates.



Life isn't a bunch of cherries [8D] .
Yeah, mostly it's a pile of week-old fish. [:D] 



MistresseLotus -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/30/2008 5:42:08 PM)

This is just a general comment... not directed at anyone, more so at the situation.
 
First, please accept my condolences at all the failed marriages out there.  Shattered dreams cut, but you have to heal and bitterness is a bad balm.
 
Yeah... I’ve been married longer than I’ve ever been single.  I got married at 20.  35 years.
 
Has it been a picnic?  No.  We’ve had our ups and downs, disappointments and been angry with each other.  What we didn’t do at every bump, was scream DIVORCE! 
 
We treat reach other with respect- if we get so upset that we would say something hurtful, we just shut up for we know it will pass. And if you hate to apologize, silence is a lot better to cope with than waiting for the other to give in.
 
Most of you just made a bad choice.  Learn from it and let it go- quit chewing the gristle of that relationship with anyone who will listen.
 
The one thing that kills a marriage is when one keeps such a tight leash on the other one for fear they “might LOOK at someone.. or talk to someone else..”  that it chokes the life out of them.  Let them look.. they may be finding that they made the right choice with you!  If someone is going to wander..they are going to do so.  Make your leash a bungee cord.  
 
The best reason I read that a marriage lasted so long was “We never fell out of love with each other at the same time”.
 



HisGirl83 -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/30/2008 5:48:23 PM)

I personally love being married. It's not easy but I didn't come into this with unrealistic expectations. I get out of my marriage what I put into it and having watched my mother in two beautiful, happy, healthy marriages, I know it takes effort. I have a few friends who never want to get married and I think that choice works for them. Same with children. It's not for everyone but it makes me very very happy. 



VivaciousSub -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/30/2008 6:51:43 PM)

I was lucky - I've watched my parents over the years celebrate a very happy 31 years together - as a matter of fact, their anniversary is tomorrow! It's never been a purely easy street for them, but they are best friends, partners and have stuck out through some very difficult times.

I can't possibly think of marriage as a horrible thing and I refuse to walk down the aisle until I know I'm in it - and they're in it - for the long haul.

And as my mother has noted, after 31 years of marriage, the only thing my parents have been able to change about the other is:

Mom no longer leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Dad no longer hangs his underwear off the towel rack (can't imagine getting a face full of boxers instead of a towel...)



bebeuu -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (9/30/2008 7:38:59 PM)

I grew up in an environment where the men cheated on the women...it didn't matter whether they were married or not...that was the world I knew. I just took it as a fact of life...until I was cheated on. To me that is the worst emotional pain you can inflict on someone...to betray the person who loves you. When it happened to me...right then and there...I hated men. I also found out that being gay must be something we are born to be...because if there was a way I could have had the same feelings for a woman that I do for men...I would have been done with men forever. Fortunately...a very honorable man came into my life...and I soon realized that I was judging ALL men by the few scumbags I had known. He was patient...oh so kind...and most importantly...loyal *smiles*. We have been married now for over 22 years...and it has gotten bumpy a time or two...but we have managed to stay mostly on the happy side of that bump in the road!! I think what someone said earlier is true...in our case at least...it all comes down to respect for each other. 



Vendaval -> RE: Marriage is like a box of chocolates (10/1/2008 1:08:27 AM)

I am not a romantic, to me marriage is a practical legal matter regarding property, money and offspring.  When friends marry I am happy for them if done with planning and foresight.  More than one wedding I have attended ended in divorce within a short number of years.  Most of the divorces were caused by quarrels over money, goals, in-laws, youngsters, communication, and sex. 
 
It sounds like you have made significant progress on a personal level since your divorce, Aneirin.  And I applaud your efforts for better understanding of self and relationships.  Do not worry about whether or not you will marry again, just live your life and be happy.  If the right person and circumstances happen along, you will know what to do.
 
Namaste,
 
Vendaval




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