SimplyMichael
Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Years ago, when I was new, it was those outward signs that I saw, the kneeling, the orders, etc. Only after years did I begin to see other things (probably because of my own maturation process) and there is one thing I look for. To me, the dominants I admire share one quality, even if their dominance is very different than mine. There is a part of them that is always paying attention to their partner in some way. Not in a jealous or micromanagement way but in the sense of an emotional bond and care for them. Same goes for submissives, that careful watching but done in a way that is at the same time almost unconscious.
Merc this weekend was a great example, in the middle of bossing her around, he told her to sit down because he wanted her to rest her feet. He didn't make a big deal about it, but it is that attention, care, and concern, all while having her meeting his needs, was just hot.
Many in my local scene have never seen me with a partner and a long time ago I was at a party with a wonderful woman and our D/s dynamic wasn't overt and she was looking smoking hot but not the least bit submissive. So this person who runs a local playspace asked me what/who she was to me, thinking I might be her submissive. At that very moment I saw over his shoulder that she was strutting into the room. Keeping perfect eye contact with him, never glancing at her, I simply made our our signal for "toilet" a position that is a basic kneel, head back, mouth open, tongue extended. We had in fact never used that signal in public, I made no overt attempt to catch her attention and yet she walked up, slid into position at my feet, ready for my use. It was a very VERY proud moment for me but it was that attention she paid to me that was "OUR" D/s. She had been checking out the party, her returning at that moment was a fluke but it was that connection, that KNOWING your other partner and almost psychically, certainly subconsciously that to me IS a major part of what makes D/s work.
This last weekend I played with a woman who is outwardly a "perfect" submissive, all those hot little graceful actions flawlessly exectued. However, I can "see" that that grace, that training, is to ensure SHE looks perfect, it isn't about ME. There is no D/s there in her actions in general. So anyone watching us would "see" an intense D/s interaction but her and I both know there was none at the time. Nobody watching us could see the ACTUAL D/s that was going on because it was almost purely in the energy and emotional interaction. The first thing most men do is strip her naked as she has a rather splendid body, I have yet to remove any. Why? Because I want her truly naked, emotionally naked and that simply, at least at this point, isn't something someone can see.
I don't think one can "see" D/s at the level the OP is talking about until one can do it at that level.
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RE: The Appearance of Ds - 
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