RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (Full Version)

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veronicaofML -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/4/2005 2:58:00 PM)

LadyCompassion<<

it all depends on whom You are speaking to or with.......doesn't it?

"I" am in this lifestyle...and there is very very little s/m..save an occasional spanking..
but NO sex..."I" have not HAD sex since 2001.
does that make me wrong? i hope not.
just because MOST people have-to-have-it...does not make it wrong if i do not want it.
and Mistress doesn't want it. She has a husband for that..a vanilla hubby no less.

good luck/best wishes/happy holidays to all



shandra -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/5/2005 7:54:50 AM)

its very possible to seperate the sexual aspect out of bdsm
what about those of us who are in this lifestyle and able to navigate without the burden of sex/romance related drivel
maybe this is a difference between bdsm and bdsm within other more authority transfer driven dynamics like ageplay
where non-sexual bdsm is common or m/s dynamic in which i fail to see a connection, sex slaves i guess but the meaning of consensual slavery isnt limited to sex






KittenWithaTwist -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/5/2005 7:53:07 PM)

I have yet to meet a person who experienced the endorphin rush or "runner's high" or "subspace" without any kind of physical experience. Perhaps that is a type of ignorance. Perhaps it's just the way it is. Who knows? I get a "rush" when I'm involved in charity work or visiting the animal shelter. But that isn't an endorphin high or "subspace" or "charity space". It's a feeling of satisfaction and happiness.

D/s, for me, isn't about the sex. My partner and I are not at it like bunnies. I don't have orgasms much, and our S&M play is well spaced. D/s is hardly about sex for me. It's about having an intimate and loving relationship in a way that pleases us.

But the point of this editorial, or at least what I got from it, is that BDSM or S&M is generally if not entirely sexual. Even if you're not having intercourse, avoiding the erogenous zones, and experiencing the pain for pain's sake, to me, that is still sexual and part of my sexuality on some level.

One can be a "deep and intimate" person, and still have a fully functioning sexual lifestyle.



mnottertail -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/5/2005 9:06:18 PM)

This is fucked up...........nobody has been orgasming or orgasmic since nixon pulled the troops out in '72 for christs sake.......nobody asks for the world, we are all bigger people than that..........just a moment's peace, a pause.........a time to dispose of ourselves as garbage in the here and now.........in time and space...........and be ultimately (I no longer dare say pen-ultimately us; we)

Ron



veronicaofML -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/5/2005 10:00:46 PM)


One can be a "deep and intimate" person, and still have a fully functioning sexual lifestyle.
kittenwithatwist--
==

yes yes yes,,,,,,,and not being smartass here,.......
but the idea..."I" got? was if anyone could or did w/o the sex? and "I"..among a few others said here...
there can be,.,, the lifestyle w/o ANY sex. and mine? has zero intimacy.
there is nothing DEEP anywhere........it is all on the surface.
now YOU are entitled to YOURS...no one is denying that.

but i am TRYING to stay on focus here...

maybe i overstepped again...

ah wellllll.

if i did i'm sorry.



shandra -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/5/2005 11:37:05 PM)

i've done bdsm with sex and can understand why its mostly hooked up like that but it just seems cleaner more stable to me without it ,
if i want vanilla i can go find it and Ms certainly doesnt need vanilla with her slavegirl she's got boys for that
that doesnt make one not have a fully functioning sexual lifestyle it just seperates service from it, but i have other dommes for fun
btw i can enter subspace more completely from a command or look than from just play



RiotGirl -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/8/2005 9:07:43 PM)

quote:

I find it interesting that you only took a partial clip from that article to try to make a off-base point, though honestly the entire article is off tilt. Anyway, to the point, you and this writer confuse the word sex for pleasure.

A sadist or a masochist derives their PLEASURE from the situation they are not engaged in sex. You can then extrapolate it out to sexuality or sexual activities but not all of what brings pleasure even requires a direct interaction between the two or more people.

To say that non-sexual BDSM does not exist, cheapens the whole experience and demotes it down to as she put it "kinky play" and unlike the many perhaps, there is indeed the minority of us who are not out purely to "play"

To me I am living my life, I am doing what feels natural and enjoyable to me. That is not my "kink". Kink is a societal term that segregates people as being strange or unusual because they are not in the standard play book.

I just can't see how people can read or write stuff like that without realizing that it's that exact attitude towards the whole thing that makes those of us that have meaningful and loving relationships within it's housing as absurd and trivial as furry handcuffs at the novelty store.


i also completely disagree with the OP. Thank you once again Afm for stating what i was thinking so well = )
quote:


but the idea..."I" got? was if anyone could or did w/o the sex?


my relationship is not based on sex. We rarely hve sex or get sexual. It is more service, every day control type thing. Personally i think "kink" and "bdsm" or "control" are different things. "Play" and every day life are two different things.

like i said i completely disagree with the OP



truesub4u -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/8/2005 10:33:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist





Perhaps it isn't the orgasm that makes you bitchy, but the lack of one satisfying intimate experience with someone you care about.



LOL... I didn't say an orgasm made me bitchy.

I have had a very satisfying intimate experiance with someone I care about.

Either I posted wrong, or you read that wrong. Either way, I'm not one that thinks that sex HAS to be part of a relationship. BDSM or vanilla. It's nice, but there are way of being satisfied without the BD, SM, or even just plain ole fashion sex.

A simple touch of the arm. The gentle kiss, a simple word spoken. (never thought myself I would ever speak those words either) But because of being open minded, and allowing someone to teach me things. I found out that when you care for some, love someone. Sex is but a small part of who and what that couple really are.

The right person. The one that comes along, and you see yourself with that person years from now. Still smiling at each other, still holding hands when they walk down the road together. Being the best friends to each other that they've ever had. And after 20+ years together, still going strong as if two teenagers with high school crushes almost.

That's what I had, and God seen other plans than mine, and took him from me in the bombing of the Beruit Barracks.

Thanks for bringing back memories.....................



FelinePersuasion -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/19/2005 1:59:36 AM)

[ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

I have yet to meet a person who experienced the endorphin rush or "runner's high" or "subspace" without any kind of physical experience.


I get endorphine highs all the time, When I become overly agitated and excited I am high on endorphins, nobodies touched me, hit me it's not bdsm, and I am still on an endorphine rush.

When I get all wound up go two hundred and 10 miles a minute, nothing pychical has happend, nobodies done anything to me, I am of course manic lol, and it don't take much to send me on a manichey endorphine high.


Of course the manic endorphine rushes usualy have me acting like I got a rocket shoved up my ass stuck on high , while bdsm endorphines make me calm and dreamy.


and also I just don't see how other than the pure fact your butts naked and he's touching it that say a spanking is sexual. by nature.

When I am playing casuallyI have no thoughts of sex, I am not desireing sex, I'm not sexualy interested in the person. I am just someone who needs the sensations and the calmness a spanking brings.

Now I won't say I have never ever been aroused by a spanking before that would be a lie, however most times it's not sexual to me to go up to someone at a play party who's free and willing to spank you and get your ass reddend

no more than it's sexual or not in this case to drive to the grocery store and go buy cheese because I want string cheese



addcted2it -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/24/2005 12:28:08 PM)

The topic of whether or not BDSM and D/S is sexually-motivated has been bounced about more than a tennis ball at Wimbledon.

Some people belive that it is most-certainly sexual, where others do not. For me it is. Is it non-sexual for others? I think the jury is still out on that one.

And there is also another ingredient thrown into the mix. It is the difference between lust and romance.

I think we have to separate all these components out to find an answer. And that answer may only be relevant or specific to us.

- addcted2it



shandra -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/24/2005 3:51:41 PM)

my owner is my closest of friends, non-sexual makes it safe, knowing and trusting make it work
no gamespace involved sexual partners have remained in my life once we moved on for whatever reasons
the ones that werent a sexuality thing are still in my life, with their authority and our mutual respect intact, in some cases over a decade later



candystripper -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/24/2005 3:57:36 PM)

^Peeps up and says : i want sex with my BDSM, thank you very much.^

candystripper



phoenixslave -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (12/24/2005 4:23:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

All this article does is make me smile. All I see is another feeble attempt to hang labels with predefined definitions around our necks stating how it is "suppose" to be.


i have to agree. it goes back to everyone being different and the importance of finding whats right for yourself and finding someone who compliments that. For me life is about much more than sex, but its absence would drain my spirit away. The same for affection. i don't expect everyone to agree . i respect others approach as long as i'm not judged by it, or asked to live it to satisfy someone else's standards.



ropesubby39 -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (1/7/2006 12:05:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCompassion

I came across this particular article when I was searching around the internet for random things. I was wondering what everyone's take on it is. I personally think it's quite inaccurate.

"BDSM relationships are sexual relationships. By definition, sadomasochism is an erotic paraphilia. Even if you never fuck, the whole point of a BDSM relationship is kinky eroticism. People who say otherwise really worry me. Sadomasochism is sexual. If you take the sex out, it's not really S/M anymore.
I know it's kind of fashionable to rhapsodize about the meta-erotic, metaphysical marvels of BDSM, and lots of people swear that they can enjoy non-sexual BDSM, and some even claim to prefer it that way. Oh, Lord. What can I say? I'm not saying that's not true, but presenting that view as typical or as an ideal, I think, is misguided. It seems to spring from the same anti-sex attitude that is the root of our oppressive social condition. I really wish people would rethink that "BDSM is OK without sex" stuff. I mean, life is "OK" without sex, but without sex, OK is the best it can ever be. We should be working on reclaiming our sexual rights, and our sense of erotic entitlement. I don't know about you guys, but I see nothing wrong with shooting for better than just OK."



http://lauragoodwin.org/sex.htm


My Dom and i never have sex, but it doesnt mean i dont please Him in other ways. Its been like that for almost 4 yrs and i am quite happy :) I do get permission to orgasm, but only if i deserved it :) For me BDSM isnt all about sex.

ropesubby



veronicaofML -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (1/7/2006 2:22:36 PM)

came across this particular article when I was searching around the internet for random things. I was wondering what everyone's take on it is. I personally think it's quite inaccurate.

"BDSM relationships are sexual relationships. By definition, sadomasochism is an erotic paraphilia. Even if you never fuck, the whole point of a BDSM relationship is kinky eroticism. People who say otherwise really worry me. Sadomasochism is sexual. If you take the sex out, it's not really S/M anymore.
==========================

i suppose...it is correct...it may NOT be s/m...w/o sex. but? but?
what is it then if SHE gets it in Her head SHE wants it....even if "I" don't?
if ya dont label it s/m...when SHE decides to beat on me...WHAT IS IT THEN??????????

yeah yeah i'm gonna say it one more time...but "I" didnt start this thread....
"I".........AM..................non sexual...HAVE BEEN since 2001.
I PLAN on STAYING that way the rest of my life.
"I" and SHE have the d/s part ... we just dont have the b and m part........

it IS as I have said a thousand times..............ONLY SERVICE....that means non romance...non bonded contact. i owe no one nothing and i like it that way. foot loose/fancy free....able to go at a split second on a whim....i am NOT going to be tied down again. i had 3 wives...i don't wanna go through THAT b.s. again....
all the hard feelings...all the chair throwing and screaming and name calling and yadda yadda....
nope.
never EVER going to trust another person romantically....no $$...= no romance.

they walk out EVERY time...aint seen one didnt.


SOOOO

what DO ya call it then?? please???? one of ya gimme 'a' label...k?

thanks



Sunshine119 -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (1/7/2006 4:33:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

That endorphin rush they call "subspace"? That's sexual. That moan or scream or dopey face...that's sexual.


Runners and athletes of all types get this same high. Is that sexual?

I get a rush when I teach. Is that sexual?

My point is that is someone says "this isn't sexual for me" why try to convince them otherwise?



I find putting coins into a vending machine "sexual" and can get turned on by that alone! A night full of BDSM activities that doesn't end up with sex just leaves me feeling like I've just had only appetizers for dinner....lol. After BDSM activities, I'm ready for a full course meal, with BDSM being the appetizer and a bit mixed into the salad, soup, sherbet, wine, main course, coffee and dessert courses as well! Sex, in every way, shapes and form, fills out and completes the meal. When everything works together, I come away one satiated, owned woman.



LadyJC -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (1/7/2006 6:05:53 PM)

I've found that it depends with me. I've played with people who I wasn't attracted too...and I didn't get turned on. I've played with people who I was VERY attracted too and by the end of the night was horny as hell.
I'm very much like truesub4u...sex to me is wonderful there's nothing like it...well ok Dom Space. I always end up with the same goofy smile and die for a smoke afterwards.
Not to mention there is that feeling of satisfaction and tiredness afterwards.
Every person is different, it's like our kinks. I know a guy who gets turned on by leather on a girl.
I know someone else who drools over women's boots in stores. What ticks for someone else doesn't have to tick for me.
Is BDSM sexual? For me it can be very much so. Is sex important to me? Very much so.
Now I just looked up on dictionary.com the definition of sadomasochism and found this
"The combination of sadism and masochism, in particular the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional abuse."
Now if you notice the definition of sadomasochism states inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional abuse.
However abuse means to ill-use. So to me the dictionary totally contradicts the definitions. If I were to ill-use someone it would be someone I hated or couldn't stand not someone I loved and respected and enjoyed having them in my company.
Yes I read the article some parts I did disagree with however it seems the article was written from a POV NOT a factual essay written by some doctor. It's someone else's personal opinion on the matter from what I've read it was from what she has personally experienced. Now she should not have complete conclusions based on those however it's her opinion she should be allowed to have it.
LadyJC



Petruchio -> RE: An article on non-sexual BDSM (1/7/2006 7:08:09 PM)

I bought in to what both LadyComp and afmvdp said, but with the additional comment that dominance does not necessarily have a link to sadism. Both, however, relate to control, their common ancestor.



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