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> W

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ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

Not every dominant woman dates submissive men. Some people play in such a way that they could not have a healthy relationship with their submissive outside of scene. For some, kink is just something they like to play at sometimes.

Also, it seems that the majority of self-proclaimed submissives have narrow interests that do not do anything for the majority of dominant women. I get approached all the time, and they always want some 24/7 deal where they're chained to my bedposts and forced to go down on me for hours. Or they want me to sit there while they slobber all over my behind or something. That's THEIR fantasy.

Mostly, I want a man who will treat me normally. Nicely, of course. But not like some fetish dollie he keeps by his bed.

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What attracts Dommes to vanilla men?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Vanilla men are much easier to "convert" to submissives or bottoms than vanilla women are to "convert" into femdoms.  I dated and had long relationships with many vanilla men who were decently kinky in due time.  Let's face it, even many conservative men find the idea of a sexually aggressive, dominant woman to be exciting - the question is whether or not he can endure it and adapt to it for the long haul, or as a relationship foundation.

Because I was dominating men as soon as I was old enough to date, I developed pretty good "femdom radar" to determine men that would be open to being in a girl-led relationship or doing kinky things.  I screened them through style of flirtation and by being the aggressor initially anyway -- it usually worked out that the men who shared chemistry with me were responding to my advances and sensual control games.  Meanwhile, very dominant, "toppish" aggressive guys who hit on me or were outwardly controlling in their personality wouldn't get to a first date with me.

I think people would be surprised how many "kinky" women just convert vanilla partners - it's easier to avoid the agenda-seeking do-me subs when you start with a clean slate. Of course, the potentially huge drawback is that a person not WIRED for kink can ultimately just shrug it off one day and say "You know what, I just don't like that any more, let's stop doing it" - and he will *never* understand that you just stop doing it, like a 'hobby' you might only casually miss.  So there are dangerous pitfalls as well.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: shymetalsub

I just get a little confused at people's flexibility with their sexual partners. I see D/s as part of a person's sexual orientation and to me a dominant girl is preferable to a vanilla in the same way that a girl is preferable to a guy (although admittedly not to the same extent). This is all far, far more than a kink to me and I'm just surprised that others don't see it very similarly. There probably is an ample supply of vanilla chicks that would be willing to go dom a little during play but I just don't see that as the same thing. Meeting scenesters (even if it  means they're not from your local scene or you met online) just seems like the most rational way to go to me, even if some see it as myopic.

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ORIGINAL: shymetalsub

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ORIGINAL: Usako

As someone said, look at the sub male profiles on CM. Most of them only talk about themselves or their kink. Maybe a domme wants to go out on a date and not be treated like a "goddess" and just like a normal woman. Far too many of the subs I've talked to are just like deadset on kink. No, I do not want to go on a date with a guy who wants to sit under the table or who thinks he isn't worthy to talk to me. No, I do not want to go out on a date with a guy who always holds his head down.

Now if a sub knows how to act normal then it's all good, and I have ran into a few like that who coudl actually hold a non-kink conversation for more than thirty minutes. It's just so rare it's sad.

But I don't see BDSM as a "sexual orientation" because it's not for me. It's a PART of me, it is not the only part of me though. Too many subs don't care about a domme's other parts though, they just want their kink and they think this is ok because they're "serving" her. Yeah, only serving ONE part of her though.

I hear ya there. One thing I never understood is that (scam artists and professionals aside), most female dominants talk about themselves and have real profiles, while a LARGE fraction of the male ones are kink lists devoid of substance. I never understood why it works out this way.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Vanilla men are much easier to "convert" to submissives or bottoms