Domming as a submissive act? (Full Version)

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vyuiop -> Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:14:30 PM)

This is something I've been thinking about for a long time.  Suppose that a dominant partner wanted their sub to dominate them (how doesn't really matter- it could be as simple as as a Dom/Domme who is a physical masochist and wishes to be in pain, or as complex as  completely controlling them.)  Is it possible to experience this as a submissive act?  (I am curious about both personal feelings and the reasoning behind them, as well as more generalized responses, from people of all D/s orientations.)

Depending upon the sub, I would think it would generally possible, at least for lighter things... but there are many issues for larger things.  For example, what if the power went to the sub's head?  Could the relationship be maintained then, and if so, would they have to stop "controlling" the Dom(me)?



ExKat -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:24:19 PM)

  The act, for me, would be inherently sub. I am not a dominant. I don't feel comfortable in the dominant role, and it would be hard as hell for me to assume the dominant role. It's like wearing a pink tutu in public: I feel stupid and ridiculous and I know I've got no place doing shit like that.

Through that lense, dominant my dominant would be like wearing a tutu in public. It wouldn't be a sexually arousing act, it'd be incredibly awkward, and the only thing that could drive me to do it would be deep submission.

  I can't really see that me assuming power would be an issue. I don't want power: that's why I'm submissive. I'd have 100 submissive men on my doorstep if I wanted power. Whether or not the relationship could be maintained would depend on how frequent the switching happened. Would I feel that he was actually a submissive, and pretended to be dominant for the sake of "feeling like a man"? Would eventually my submission be eroded by my Master repeatedly making me do something I feel super-uncomfortable with coupled with seeing him being submissive? It would probably destabilize the relationship somewhat for me, and if it happened with any regularity, I probably couldn't maintain the D/s exchange.

~Katie978, submissive part of ExKat



DesFIP -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:37:35 PM)

Sadism doesn't mean dominant and masochist doesn't mean submissive.

If he came home from work and wanted his feet rubbed, would that mean you were dominating him? Or would you simply be performing a physical sensation on him that he chose to have done?

And if it's okay to rub his aching feet or his sore back, then why wouldn't it be okay to give him a heavier sensation with perhaps a wooden dowel on the soles of the feet or a flogger on the sore back muscles.

If it's done with the hands it's service but if you add an implement it becomes dominant? Not here.
With that said, understanding it is one thing but many subs find it emotionally distressing to hurt their dominant even if at his request. It is something to talk about beforehand.



OttersSwim -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:38:15 PM)

Yea, hard for me to handle for sure...the core of my submission is my heart connection with my Lady.  I get all squishy and stepping into a Dom role with Her would just really feel wrong...and pretty wrong for me in general with anyone.  Just not where I am wired.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:39:36 PM)

If the mindset of the s-type is one of serving the needs/desires of the d-type, then yes, it is certainly possible to top, or even dominate the d-type while still retaining one's station as the s-type.

Calla Firestorm



peppermint -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:39:40 PM)

I think you are talking about 2 different things here...there is Dominating and submitting and there is Topping and bottoming.   A Dominant may have the sub Top for a scene.  I do it for Gary when he wants to know what the new flogger he just made feels like.  In that case I Top him and he bottoms to me.  Under no circumstances do I dominate him.  We both enjoy the sensations of the violet wand.  At times he'll tell me to hold the wand.  At other times he is the one holding the wand.  However, in all these cases he remains Dominant.  There is no issue about power because I never received that from him.  In the first case I would merely receive the order to flog him....plain and simple.  In the second case he decides who gets what sensations by controlling who holds the wand.  I see no problems with this at all, and our relationship remains as it always is...he is Dom, I am sub. 



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:45:26 PM)

While I would also consider this 'topping' and 'bottoming', I actually knew a guy who kept a girl to dominate him... boss him around and humiliate him. He decided that her role was as his dominatrix. She left after a couple of years because she hated it, but for a while, that was their deal -- and when she refused, he didn't hesitate to punish her over it.

Now topping -- that's something else entirely, and really doesn't require a particular mindset. I don't ask whether the person doing my tats or piercings is dom or sub -- just give me the needles. *Laughs*

Calla Firestorm



OttersSwim -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 5:59:33 PM)

Hmmm...interesting distinction - Topping vs. Submitting.  That bears consideration.  Thanks!  [:)]



Lashra -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 6:15:30 PM)

I do not give over power, what I do is sometimes I instruct my sub on how to Top me. Our dynamic does not waiver as I am telling him what to do, how to do it etc. I know that this would not go to his head because he respects me and our roles within our relationship. He has no desire to dominate (he was a Master for many years and has no desire to ever walk that path again), he only wants to be obedient and to please me on the rare occasions I bottom.

~Lashra



leakylee -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 9:29:15 PM)

now in my first relationship, my Domme allowed me to almost co-top with her. it was serving in our dynamic. she was not as into impact as i was. she found switches that were willing to provide this expeirence for me (which i am totally and completely thankful for) as well as other expeirences that i would never have gotten to try. in return for abusing me, i got to swing a variety of instruments on them. it was something that worked out well, but all the time i was serving her and functioning under her direction. i also learned that i enjoy topping. it is a service that i enjoy providing other submissives, and it gives me a physical outlet for my sadistic side. (other than coming up with ways for others to torture me)

hell, in a perfect world i would be lucky enough to find a dom that had a maso streak in addition to that sensual sado side. look we can all dream..hehe..

smooches
lee



SailingBum -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 9:57:42 PM)

I'm just not wired to give up power or control.

BadOne



leakylee -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 10:06:39 PM)

i understand that, but it really isnt about giving up power. ya'll are still in charge. (believe me on that one) it is just another form of service.

lee



myotherself -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 10:08:23 PM)

nope, couldn't do it.  I couldn't give pain or top a Dom without it changing the dynamics of our relationship forever.  I need to feel my Dom is in charge all the time - that's where I feel safe and comfortable.  Even if I top on the orders of my Dom, to see him in 'my' place would be the biggest turn-off I could think of.






VivaciousSub -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 10:12:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

nope, couldn't do it.  I couldn't give pain or top a Dom without it changing the dynamics of our relationship forever.  I need to feel my Dom is in charge all the time - that's where I feel safe and comfortable.  Even if I top on the orders of my Dom, to see him in 'my' place would be the biggest turn-off I could think of.






It'd freak me out something fierce, too. I can just see it now - You want me to what, Sir? Did I hear that right?



WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 10:59:25 PM)

You are getting confused by "D/s relationship" compared to the act of Topping and Bottoming.

Think of back or body massages for instance.  I personally love recieving a good massage as much as giving them. 

Apply D/s to the relationship.   When you view D/s on a play level replace the D and s with the words "topping" and "bottoming".

There's another thing to think about "topping from the bottom", where one tells the top exactly what to do and they do it.   The bottom is really the one in control.

Hope this helps some.




WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 11:00:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I'm just not wired to give up power or control.

BadOne


Have you ever just layed there while somebody gives you a body massage?



WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 11:05:33 PM)

The thing in regards to D/s and topping vs. being on the bottom.  Everybody has their mind overwrapped into S&M play for their own good at times.

In the context of massages for instance it's about pleasure and people have no problem with switching top/bottom roles.

However, for a masochist pain is pleasure.  Has nothing to do with control whatever so.

People get too caught up in their orientations and fixated upon S&M and making S&M on par with D/s, and get topping and bottoming strongly coupled with D/s that they get confused.   Works better when you can see each thing for what it really is.




caelestis -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 11:17:33 PM)

While in theory it does make sense, the whole "you're doing it to make your Dominant happy" thing does speak multitudes to the submissive mindset, I couldn't see myself able to do it. Even being on top sometimes doesn't feel right, simply because I'm on top and thats a more dominant position. Perhaps I'd try if my Dom wished it, but I can't say that the outcome would be positive.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/1/2008 11:47:21 PM)

First, to make the conversation a bit easier, let's use Top/bottom for physical stuff and Dom/sub for roles. I know many Masters who bottom and slaves who Top as a service. When you separate out what's going on, it's easier to see the intent.

Master Fire



VivaciousSub -> RE: Domming as a submissive act? (10/2/2008 12:08:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

First, to make the conversation a bit easier, let's use Top/bottom for physical stuff and Dom/sub for roles. I know many Masters who bottom and slaves who Top as a service. When you separate out what's going on, it's easier to see the intent.

Master Fire



Master Fire,

Thanks! That does clear up some of the confusion for me. In that case, I'd have to say I'd top, if it would please Sir, but I don't know how comfortable I'd feel doing it. Which means...our favorite phrase! Talk to Him about it!



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