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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:32:51 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

This, I think would be difficult for anyone.  Imagine feeling like you have your own life to control and all the responsibilities and emotions, plus the responsibilities of two jobs and the emotions and responsibilities of your sub.
I think that this is one of the reasons my views on subs are so controversial.  I believe that a D/s relationship requires intense service by both the Dom and sub.  But then, I believed the same thing when I was in vanilla relationships.  I believe that both have roles and should take the responsibilities of those roles.



I am very curious if this also holds true when:
The sub also holds down a full or pt job plus look after the household bills, grocery shops, does the majority of the housework, raise ums if there are any? I would not be surprised that a vast majority of Doms has a submissive who holds down a job to contribute to the finances.
Please do not be so arrogant to assume that Doms are willing and able to fully support a sub so the sub isn't required/asked to work to help with household finances. Moreso, don't be arrogant to believe that all we subs do is laze around the house waiting for our Dom to need our services.

When I was owned, this is an example of how my day was structured from morning to night each and every day:
awake at 7 am, get up, start coffeepot, make and serve his breakfast and eat mine, does dishes, make the bed, freshen the water for the 5 birds and refill food dishes and clean the cages. Spend 2 hrs doing yardwork, come in and make lunch, serve his lunch and then I eat, do the dishes, clean the house from vacumming to washing bathroom, do any laundry, given 1 hour free time to read, start dinner, serve dinner, do dishes, finish laundry, put clean clothes away, watch 2 hrs of tv, if Master wasn't too tired, we'd play, if not, I had to get his nighttime breathing apparatus ready, set out his meds, turn the bed down, turn out the lights, cover the birds for the night and then be waiting in bed for Him.



_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

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(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:42:28 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Cool, and I'm a such a sucker (no pun intended...that means you Red!) for leather!

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to VivaciousSub)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:49:32 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

Cool, and I'm a such a sucker (no pun intended...that means you Red!) for leather!


What?  *looks all innocent-like, batting eyelashes and such* 

~ squishes from da Redhead ~ 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:07:07 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores the gorgeous Red*

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:09:35 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		*swoons and squee's* 

nite nite, sweetness... 

I'm ordering myself to go to bed because I'm not very submissive right now, and had to flip my Switch switch...

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:15:09 PM   
brainiacsub


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2


...Some submissives may simply have yet to experience a deeper level of submission with somebody yet.  They simply don't realize the depth and level of how far they are capable of submitting yet. 

I have one friend who discovered this after meeting the right Master.  She had dated or tried out a number of Doms/Masters who either too insecure, arrogant, naracisstic, just in it for sex.  Well you get the idea here.  She was at the point of questioning if she was submissive enough or not.   That's how bad it is.  Actually, it's very difficult for any sub/slave to find a good Dom/Master.  You really have no idea how hard it is.  The fact remains that many Doms/Masters simply don't inspire or bring out deeper or deel level of submission.   My friend finally found a Master after a couple of years that literally brought out an extremely very deep level of submission in her.   To the point it even blew her mind.  ...

I would not quickly write a prospective submissive off quickly, just because she believes she can not submit on a deeper level.   Have you considered taking the time out and exploring if there is any Chemistry and potential for what can happen.   

Too many Doms expect for instant and full submission, and forget the fact that some submissives have not found the right one to submit to on these deeper levels.   Be patient and understanding about this Dude.
  • D/s does not happen over night and most D/s relationships that are healthy and working gravitate towards TPE in time.  Before that can happen there has to be mutual chemistry and interests and needs and wants.   A D/s relationship is about way besides a sex hook up.   It requires time, work and engery on both parties part.   Lazy Doms/Masters who demand instant full submission are really clueless if you ask me.   If anything they are in part to blame for so many Submissives having to write "I'm not a doormat" on their profiles....





It's been several months since I've posted anything here, but I have been lurking and reading occasionally. I just haven't found the right topic that inspired me to jump back in...until now. I could not agree more with Whiplash on this one, and you'll have to excuse me if I repeat the sentiments of others as I have not read all the responses yet...although I intend to.

I have experienced my fair share of frustrations with many of the 'Doms' on CM, just as you Aslanemperor are frustrated with many of the submissives. I am utterly dismayed and appalled at the number of 'Doms' who fundamentally don't understand that a D/s relationship is not unlike any other in many respects. For me personally, all of the vanilla elements must be there in order for me to feel submissive toward another...I must genuinely like you. I need for you to like yourself. I need for you to respect me and want to share my company outside of sexual activity. I need to trust and respect you before I am inclined to obey you. We must have something in common other than our sexual proclivities. Knowledge and understanding of each other at this level takes time. What I encounter more often than not on CM, are one of two types: 1. Those who declare how perfect I am for them and will pursue me aggressively, even though they've made little effort to get to know me, and 2. Those who expect my obedience or deeper submission before they have earned my trust and respect.

This is why, in my profile I went to great lengths to describe the qualites I seek in a person, as opposed to a laundry list of likes, dislikes, and limits. I have no idea what my real limits are, but I would bet that the right person would play a significant role in determining them...after all, I am submissive and aim to please.

Now, I don't entirely blame the 'Doms' for this lack of understanding. One only needs to read the plethora of clueless submissive profiles - those who are willing to serve without limits, those who have little understanding of the difference between kinky sex and deference to the will of another, attention seekers, service from a position of weakness or low self-esteem, or those just seeking a distraction from the boredom of their lives - to begin to understand why so many 'Doms' are confused. It is no wonder that so many 'Doms', especially those who are relatively inexperienced and beginning to explore for themselves, believe that being submissive means a willingness to serve and obey anyone who identifies as Dominant. This is role play, my friend, and not grounded in reality. Role play is fine and can be great fun, but it is rarely the foundation for a lasting relationship.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:23:13 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

One only needs to read the plethora of clueless submissive profiles - those who are willing to serve without limits,


Braniac (like the name!),

I agree with all of your post except this part. Willing to serve without limits does not equal clueless. They could be well in-tune with themselves and know that's the type of relationship that makes them happy.

Remember, we all experience this lifestyle differently. What may seem clueless to you may not be that at all.


_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to brainiacsub)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:37:55 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Many thanks, NihilusZero----
An appreciated compliment from a fellow adept crafter of words.  :> 
  Davan

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:42:15 PM   
brainiacsub


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub

quote:

One only needs to read the plethora of clueless submissive profiles - those who are willing to serve without limits,


Braniac (like the name!),

I agree with all of your post except this part. Willing to serve without limits does not equal clueless. They could be well in-tune with themselves and know that's the type of relationship that makes them happy.

Remember, we all experience this lifestyle differently. What may seem clueless to you may not be that at all.



In theory I believe you are correct, but I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of those on this site who say they have no limits, when probed properly will sheepishly admit to them and then become annoyed because you exposed the obvious. The point is, this sort of clueless admission only feeds the misguided and narcissistic and fuels the misunderstandings of submission.

But, I do acknowledge that there are some, although quite the minority, who truly have few if any limits.


(in reply to VivaciousSub)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 10:53:31 PM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

In theory I believe you are correct, but I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of those on this site who say they have no limits, when probed properly will sheepishly admit to them and then become annoyed because you exposed the obvious. The point is, this sort of clueless admission only feeds the misguided and narcissistic and fuels the misunderstandings of submission.

But, I do acknowledge that there are some, although quite the minority, who truly have few if any limits.


I agree that the majority who claim no limits are misrepresenting, out of cluelessness or whatever...  but some also say "no limits" (particularly in the sense of searching for a no limits relationship, rather than simply having none of one's own accord) when they mean they have "malleable limits"-- they don't come in with a checklist of specific "I will not"s, and are looking to have their horizons expanded.

Of course, it would be better to say that clearly.

--sravaka 




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Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to brainiacsub)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 11:00:42 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		AslanEmperor:
You replied to me:
well, As I've tried to explain, I am mainly talking about the subs profiles.  I mention contacting them, but usually this is just to ask, "So I read your profile and I wonder, just what do you consider being a doormat?"
I'm simply trying to get oppinions.  I'm starting to think that in spite of the fact that it looks perfectly understandable to me, my orriginal post must be incredibly confusing.

My reply is as follows:  Again, predominantly submissive female here.  I don't reference not being a doormat in my profile but I do say something along the lines of not being a simpering object.  I would equate the two in more ways than a few.  Some people are made to be simpering objects.  I tend to disregard them as they track to me as prey-items but if that is what elevates a person or gets them off or whatever, I respect their rights to be doormats.  What do these subs in question state when you query what they mean about not being a doormat?  Perhaps taking them at what they say or at least entertaining that that is a valid starting point may assist further understanding? 
  Davan

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 11:27:22 PM   
MasterJFrancis


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

quote:

In theory I believe you are correct, but I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of those on this site who say they have no limits, when probed properly will sheepishly admit to them and then become annoyed because you exposed the obvious. The point is, this sort of clueless admission only feeds the misguided and narcissistic and fuels the misunderstandings of submission.

But, I do acknowledge that there are some, although quite the minority, who truly have few if any limits.


I agree that the majority who claim no limits are misrepresenting, out of cluelessness or whatever...  but some also say "no limits" (particularly in the sense of searching for a no limits relationship, rather than simply having none of one's own accord) when they mean they have "malleable limits"-- they don't come in with a checklist of specific "I will not"s, and are looking to have their horizons expanded.

Of course, it would be better to say that clearly.

--sravaka 


How about.... no, it's not possible... all right... I'll say it.... what if someone says that they are "no limits" and leave the door open to finding out what the other person is into and uses the brain (oh, wait that would mean they are not clueless) to decide that they are willing to accept person A over person B because of what they are willing to agree to? Ok... I know this stuff doesn't happen in real life.... or does it?

(in reply to sravaka)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 12:19:41 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
...the types that want to micromanage to a point that you are treated as a mindless robot with no opinion of her own and not allowed to have a personality.


Mmm, ditto.

I'm not a character in 'The Sims' (or, oddly enough, 'The Sims 2' or any expansion packs). I'm a person, thank you very much.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 2:12:42 AM   
KillaShack


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

In theory I believe you are correct, but I would be willing to bet that the vast majority of those on this site who say they have no limits, when probed properly will sheepishly admit to them and then become annoyed because you exposed the obvious. The point is, this sort of clueless admission only feeds the misguided and narcissistic and fuels the misunderstandings of submission.

But, I do acknowledge that there are some, although quite the minority, who truly have few if any limits.




I like the fact you claim to be a smart woman. I say “claim” only because I do not know you personally.

And I like that a woman who is educated and not confused.
Your posts and profile are well written and you seem to know what it is you want and don’t want.

But the one thing that disappoints me about your posts is how judgmental you are about things you may or may not like.

We live in a world where the vanilla population at large looks at us with contempt.  And when you enter our world it does not get any better.  In fact its sometimes worse. People who want similar things out of life and share likeminded views call each other all sorts of names and have such disrespect for others while demanding that they be respected.

I expect this from folks with profile names such as “imgreat&Usuk” But from such a cultured southern bell Submissive it’s disappointing.

Myself, I have a wonderful NO LIMITS relationship with a very smart and sexy slave. She does have limits… And we have a wonderful time discovering them, and concurring them.  We don’t use safe words. Because we don’t believe in them.  And we have been together for over 12 years.

This is how I roll…
If you like to sleep or get kinky with folks of the same sex as you…. Knock yourself out.

If you have a thing for farm animals…. Go float your boat and be happy.

If you a Sub that has a list of 100 things you won’t do… Great! Good luck in finding your Dom.

If you a Dom looking for the perfect Sub…  Let me know how that works out for you!

If you like to drink from dog bowls and wear a diaper, while humping your Doms leg and singing “it’s a beautiful day in the neibor-hood”…  You take it and run with it!

I may not agree with what turns them on.  But as long as they are both consensual adults having fun, rock on!

Disrespecting and judging people who have similar views does not make anyone look smart or sophisticated. Quite the opposite actually.

Im not trying to be mean or single just you out. When most people are disrespectful to me or others I usually ignore them.  You look attractive and you have a spark. But it dies when I see that ugly judgmental side. Most Doms are turned off by judgmental women.  
 
Change that around and be a more open minded and respectful to others desires and you may find what you are looking for sooner than you think.
 
Now as far as where have all the Submissive gone to?  Most Subs like to look cute and wear skimpy outfits or nothing at all. They have this desire to get their Doms all hot and bothered.  And when the weather cools they usually head south to stay in warmer climates. Because even the most gifted Sub has a hard time making parkas and big fat rubber rain boots look sexy.

Killashack

< Message edited by KillaShack -- 10/2/2008 2:14:21 AM >

_____________________________

Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. I look at the same glass and say someone did a half-ass job pouring my drink.

(in reply to brainiacsub)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:27:28 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		This forum never has utility. It does have a lot of opinionated people. Thats what makes it a interesting read.

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:33:25 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19




Perhaps if that is not what you want you should seek a sub that doesnt express herself that way on her profile.



This is the statement I was referring to.  I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.



All this fuss over some profiles you don't like? Here is a suggestion. If you see a profile that you don't like.....move along to the next one. Not hard really, once you get the hang of it.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:33:38 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: treyas

i am the real package

Let me get out my magnifying glass so I can confirm.......

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to treyas)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:38:38 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I didn't meet my sub here and he does love to be pleasing and obedient for Me. Maybe you should start looking in your area rather than online.

good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:44:42 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

that doesnt answer the question.. who the hell are you to refer to someone you don't know as a slut?


I wonder how she would feel is somebody returned the favor and called her a narcissistic bitch?  I'm just saying... what comes around can go around like
bad Karma.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/2/2008 4:45:58 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		I very much expect that most subs are too dehaired to ever be suitable as a doormat...

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 120
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