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Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 7:27:45 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

If it didn’t perplex me to the point of exhaustion I would be laughing my ass off. Here is the dilemma: your interested in meeting a new partner and you "get out there" LOL. It just so happens that I am a master looking for a slave/sub. Not to be confused with a sub/slave or a sub/switch/slave/hatespain/lovestobecontrolled/loveshairpulled/ hates3somes/lovesAnal/hatesenemas bla, bla, bla……LOL, and all the rest of the mental masturbation and verbal gymnastics that one goes through when defining who they are, what they are looking for in this world. I consider my self a master that enjoys multiple aspects of different “labels” within the life style. I enjoy the company of a sub and at times need her to be my slave (sometime gorian, sometimes not) I enjoy inflicting the pleasure of a good spanking or flogging but tend to lean to the sexual side wanting a pleasure slut rather than a masochist. Bla, bla, bla…… wtf does a guy need to do write a collage essay and print it on the back of a business card ? LOL.

It’s not about having that “perfect” partner and relationship, everyone knows there is no such thing. However we all want to get relatively close. In my book it is more about being comfortable, content and being happy right? The rest of the shit we can train each other and or learn to tolerate. (and you thought that phucking Dr. Phill had a handle on things…. Lol)

I attended a munch recently and after the normal pleasant introductions and mind numbing chit chat the dreaded question surfaces….. “so, what are you looking for” or “what type are you” Errrrrrrrrrrrr like nails on a chalkboard you knew it was coming so why aren’t you prepared for a good answer ??? Instead, I find my self going down the laundry list of what I think I am and what I’m looking for. The whole time I’m watching her eyes for her reaction of interest or disinterest and wondering if I can live with that that fucking tattoo that has been engraved on her chest then altered because she changed owners and now looks like road kill on her chest…. (laughing). Sometimes I feel like a guy on stage like an auctioneer, I have toys, do I have any takers?, I like to discipline, subs you hear ?, Do I here “service“ any slaves out there ? Not into the heavy pain shit but looking for a pleasure slut. Going once, going twice…. Of fuck it I’m going home…. LOL.

Wtf did people do in this life style before the internet? Holly shit, this is a lot of work, even with the help of the internet.

There is got to be an way to communicate to someone what your about and what your looking for with out leaping in to some bullet point diatribe or creating some Broadway production to get your point/s across.

For those of you who’s lifestyle fits in a known “label box” I envy you. For the rest of us in the lifestyle who may straddle multiple style titles and then choose items of interest like ordering select appetizers off the menu while everyone else is just bellying up to the buffet, I (figuratively ) feel your pain….

Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m naive but isn’t there an easier way…… ?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 7:33:23 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		ROTFLMAO.............. ok Dr Frankenstein off to your Laboratory.
Once perfected, you'll be a Multi Millionaire


Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 8:45:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So you're annoyed at people asking honest and direct questions to learn more about you and where you are coming from?

Who'd have thought we'd see THAT come up as something doms DONT like...

It can be a tiring question. But come up with a pat answer of "good company and good meals" and let it go. No people aren't looking for an essay, but if they are looking for someone themselves, or just want to get to know you better, a basic statement of "perhaps a long term submissive partner" is a great way to get the ball rolling.

You've got to start learning about eachother somewhere, and that's a pretty good question to get it started. If they expect one question to be all they need, they obviously aren't good for you and have let themselves be known very quickly. Sounds like a great system to me.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 8:50:13 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So you're annoyed at people asking honest and direct questions to learn more about you and where you are coming from?

Who'd have thought we'd see THAT come up as something doms DONT like...

It can be a tiring question. But come up with a pat answer of "good company and good meals" and let it go. No people aren't looking for an essay, but if they are looking for someone themselves, or just want to get to know you better, a basic statement of "perhaps a long term submissive partner" is a great way to get the ball rolling.

You've got to start learning about eachother somewhere, and that's a pretty good question to get it started. If they expect one question to be all they need, they obviously aren't good for you and have let themselves be known very quickly. Sounds like a great system to me.


I think you took my post a lil tooooooooo seriously, I'm not annoyed at people or the question, it shows interest. It is the song an dance and how I react that I'm talking about. All be it a good reply in any case.

< Message edited by DelRey -- 12/4/2005 8:53:33 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 8:57:30 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		While LA gives practical and sound advice, I battle the tedious with a different strategy. I continually develop the most absurd yet truthful answers for the most asked questions. It is a challenge to myself. I assume if the person I am talking with is turned off by this, s/he is not really not for me.

I do find myself asking the same typical interview-like questions though. It seems to be a neccessary evil. I try and toss in some "fun" questions or topic of conversations as well, just for variety.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 9:07:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

hatespain/lovestobecontrolled/loveshairpulled/ hates3somes/lovesAnal/hatesenemas


geez, you talk as if these are bad things...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 9:33:43 AM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Mr DelRey,

I loved your post...I absolutely loved it. I know the feelings you have expressed here...the sheer exasperation of it all...but I know from the other end of the spectrum. So, welcome...join the club. And happy hunting!

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 9:49:02 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		After reading your profile, I think you should just memorize your introduction about yourself. It is passionate. Tell them what you are looking for in a relationship, not the laundry list of play skills. If you go somewhere to play, realize that the people there might just want to play. However, when they get to know you and realize that you are looking for "one", they may actually play matchmaker knowing subs in the group for whom the play is also just icing on the cake.

Good hunting!


(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 12:41:17 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		ya take a few dance lessons from the nearest fred astaire studio, dress in something other than black, and go out there and sweep her off her feet before she knows what's hit her (cane, crop, whatever). on with the dance!

it's about two (or more) people interacting on an interpersonal level (unless it's just "play" in which case: never mind). do you get along? lists can wait, the dance cannot. the band plays on. find a partner who knows it's about the dance and not the costumes. they are out there; they're the ones who look bored silly when the lists come out.

however, do not mistake these for those who don't know about safety and all that jazz; they just know when to bring it up. usually during the big busby berkley number. smile, and your sub/slave/nonametag will smile with you.

i wish you well.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 1:05:57 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Belive me, I feel you. Back in Novermber, after a play party that I had attended, I was speaking with a friend. I expressed similar thoughts about how I had dreaded the questions about bdsm titles, orientation and such, that are usually, (expectedly,) brought up at these private parties and munches. I hadn't been to a private party in a long time. During this lengthy time away, I'd been doing some soul searching and I finally accepted the fact that I no Never really felt comfortable being refered to as Domme/domina or as any such person. I really wasn't looking forward to the usual bdsm cocktail type fodder of, so you are a Domme/Top/Mistress/Gatekeeper sub/slave/monky/fishegg blah blah blah? And no there's nothing wrong with being asked, but sometimes when you're feeling there's not suitable answer that you can think of for the question that fits the bill, it really grates on your nerves to here the question. It really very litter bearing on the questioner.

Thank goodness of late, I no longer cringe or worry about it. I just smile and say I'm Rosa and you are? If they seem comfortable with just having my name, then I'll be happy to engage them in conversating. Once a few more pleasantries have been exchanged and the person seems nice enough, I will at this stage, gladly If they inquire further, let them know that I lean more towards dominating men, but that I like taking a sensuous spanking on occassion from a very strong authoritative type of man when it suits my mood.



quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey



If it didn’t perplex me to the point of exhaustion I would be laughing my ass off. Here is the dilemma: your interested in meeting a new partner and you "get out there" LOL. It just so happens that I am a master looking for a slave/sub. Not to be confused with a sub/slave or a sub/switch/slave/hatespain/lovestobecontrolled/loveshairpulled/ hates3somes/lovesAnal/hatesenemas bla, bla, bla……LOL, and all the rest of the mental masturbation and verbal gymnastics that one goes through when defining who they are, what they are looking for in this world. I consider my self a master that enjoys multiple aspects of different “labels” within the life style. I enjoy the company of a sub and at times need her to be my slave (sometime gorian, sometimes not) I enjoy inflicting the pleasure of a good spanking or flogging but tend to lean to the sexual side wanting a pleasure slut rather than a masochist. Bla, bla, bla…… wtf does a guy need to do write a collage essay and print it on the back of a business card ? LOL.

It’s not about having that “perfect” partner and relationship, everyone knows there is no such thing. However we all want to get relatively close. In my book it is more about being comfortable, content and being happy right? The rest of the shit we can train each other and or learn to tolerate. (and you thought that phucking Dr. Phill had a handle on things…. Lol)

I attended a munch recently and after the normal pleasant introductions and mind numbing chit chat the dreaded question surfaces….. “so, what are you looking for” or “what type are you” Errrrrrrrrrrrr like nails on a chalkboard you knew it was coming so why aren’t you prepared for a good answer ??? Instead, I find my self going down the laundry list of what I think I am and what I’m looking for. The whole time I’m watching her eyes for her reaction of interest or disinterest and wondering if I can live with that that fucking tattoo that has been engraved on her chest then altered because she changed owners and now looks like road kill on her chest…. (laughing). Sometimes I feel like a guy on stage like an auctioneer, I have toys, do I have any takers?, I like to discipline, subs you hear ?, Do I here “service“ any slaves out there ? Not into the heavy pain shit but looking for a pleasure slut. Going once, going twice…. Of fuck it I’m going home…. LOL.

Wtf did people do in this life style before the internet? Holly shit, this is a lot of work, even with the help of the internet.

There is got to be an way to communicate to someone what your about and what your looking for with out leaping in to some bullet point diatribe or creating some Broadway production to get your point/s across.

For those of you who’s lifestyle fits in a known “label box” I envy you. For the rest of us in the lifestyle who may straddle multiple style titles and then choose items of interest like ordering select appetizers off the menu while everyone else is just bellying up to the buffet, I (figuratively ) feel your pain….

Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m naive but isn’t there an easier way…… ?



(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/4/2005 3:26:58 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

Mr DelRey,

I loved your post...I absolutely loved it. I know the feelings you have expressed here...the sheer exasperation of it all...but I know from the other end of the spectrum. So, welcome...join the club. And happy hunting!


LOL, you mean to imply there may be males out there that give women the eebie geebies (urnal shivers for thoes taking notes) toooo?

Say it isn't so.....

(in reply to ginawithaB)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/5/2005 6:27:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
I think you took my post a lil tooooooooo seriously, I'm not annoyed at people or the question, it shows interest. It is the song an dance and how I react that I'm talking about. All be it a good reply in any case.

Ah I see.

Yes I admit a bit of pleasure mixed with exasperation when I see someone's face go into that "cannot compute" mode when they ask and I tell them I identify as a bipolyslavetop.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/5/2005 5:09:54 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross



Yes I admit a bit of pleasure mixed with exasperation when I see someone's face go into that "cannot compute" mode when they ask and I tell them I identify as a bipolyslavetop.



You mean like MNottertail's avatar????

chymes

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/5/2005 5:26:19 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		To answer the OP, though.....

I think it's just that what feels like The Interrogation is really just conversation starters? I mean, you're at a BDSM-themed event, a munch. And, I have to say in my own experience, a lot of "Doms" start off their emails and their chats with the checklist...."do you shave? would you shave? are you shaved right now? do you wear a thong? would you wear a thong? are you wearing a thong now?" I mean, yeah, it does give me the glazed eye, too! But munches are places to discuss topics with like-minded people in conversations that you wouldn't be able to have in, say, the workplace or while picking up the kids from day care. People are there to talk about BDSM!

But, I happen to be more like you, I want to get to know the people for the people they are inside, what they do, how they think and act, BEFORE I get into discussing BDSM in any depth. And going down the "Like It, Like It, Love It, Hate It" checklist is boring to me, too. But there are folks attending the BDSM-themed events who would probably shoot some real disdainful looks down their noses at you if you DID try to engage them in a "vanilla" conversation. It's kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" deal.

My HO is to just stick to YOUR guns and talk about what YOU want to talk about. If you start feeling some sparks with someone, I think the conversation might naturally start to venture off the laundry list. If you're bored with a conversation you're having about BDSM, chances are you'd be bored with vanilla conversations with that person.

Personally, I hate the "what are you searching for?" question. What am I, Diogenes?

chymes

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/6/2005 3:19:19 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		that was a great post!!! i think the hardest thing is when myself in particuliar would find interest in someone , then the bomb would drop. He'd spurt out that he enjoyed k-9 or something.... Crap just my luck !!!

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/7/2005 4:24:19 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

do you wear a thong? would you wear a thong? are you wearing a thong now?"





Sounds like a conversation I had with my 5th grade school teacher... Man she was hot !

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/7/2005 4:51:57 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

do you wear a thong? would you wear a thong? are you wearing a thong now?"





Sounds like a conversation I had with my 5th grade school teacher... Man she was hot !


Cool! But, were you in the 5th grade at the time? Or was this recently?

I did love your OP!

chymes

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/7/2005 8:11:55 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		good questions,all of them, love the post.
a sarcastic sense of humor does help the cause bigtime,lol.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 12/8/2005 1:21:54 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m naive but isn’t there an easier way…… ?


You could always engrave your bio in ink on your chest and then alter it as your preferences change. No? Not sounding good?

Process of elimination...line up against the wall..."would all who enjoy flogging take one step forward"...after a series of questions, the two that make it the farthest have to be as good a match as any I have had recently...not to mention getting cotton mouth from repeating my inclinations several dozen times.

I have a tendency to "put it all out there" first thing. If they haven't walked away before i've finished, then there just might be potential.
I wrote an article a couple years ago on vanilla dating...by which I applied the same theory...it read in part; "Hi....I'm going through a divorce, my ex had me thrown in jail, has a restraining order against me, has left me penniless and I am mooching off a friend in order to live. I haven't seen my kids in 60 days and I have lawyer bills that are sky high....oh and did I mention I write erotica?" Honesty is not always the best policy in all cases. Too much info too soon can overwhelm your date. I guess it must be the part about what I write..."

It isn't alway easy being a minority amongst the majority in a minority lifestyle...but damn it sure is worth it!


_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Slaves/Subs the magic (hilarious) Question... - 1/21/2006 9:20:33 PM   
subiekitty


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		i sympathize with your frustration DelRay. i am in a relationship that is pretty solid, (lasted 4 years of 'nilla, when old wounds made me loose touch with my submissive nature) and now we are still running into the what is or is not part of how i should serve Master.

i know i want to serve and to please, i know i value the sense of fullfillment and security that this brings. But it has now been determined Master canott accept the depth of submission i offer without a laundry list of other details. i admit i have alot to learn and alot of training to go but cant i learn that kneeling at Her feet, instead of hashing out an ethics class before i can express my submisison freely.

You are not alone DelRey, you are not alone.

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 20
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