Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (Full Version)

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Saratov -> Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 2:36:19 PM)

Reprinted..well. ..because it's funny and everyone needs some light humor in their day.
This site has lots of funny stuff.

17. "I finished the Oreo's."


16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."


15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."


14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."


13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."


12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from

that Richard Simmons fella."


11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."


10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"


9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"


8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"


7. "Get your *own* ice cream."


6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."


5. "Got milk?"


4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."


3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"


2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."


And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...


1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."



SteelofUtah -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 2:43:39 PM)

quote:

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."


LMAO My Son started his Trek into the world Sunday February 4th ...... Superbowl Sunday. My Father in Law had to turn on the game while my wife was getting her Epidural the Guy missed twice.

I could have killed him.

Steel



darchChylde -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 2:49:10 PM)

18:  And the doctor's sure you don't have sextuplets in there?





philosophy -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 3:31:39 PM)

19. ever seen Alien?



vampchick88 -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 5:15:37 PM)

Don't forget

What are those things on your ankles! oh wait those ARE your ankles....they'll go back to normal won't they? they look horrible!

Or

Your friend still looked hot while she was pregnant.



auroraborealis -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/2/2008 6:57:11 PM)

I would kill some mofo!!!!!!

Kill murder maim...


Gwyn



MsStarlett -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 5:35:15 AM)

And the #1 thing not to say to your wife in the delivery room?  

What MY husband said... pointing between my legs "You're going to FIX that aren't you?"

*sigh*

I really should beat him.



BlackPhx -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 7:03:46 AM)

Next time...Share the Labor Pains with him..Gently hold and caress the balls that helped to put you in that position and SQUEEZE your way through the contraction. [sm=seesaw.gif]

poenkitten ( a bit evil this morning)



GreedyTop -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 7:21:10 AM)

LMAO, Poen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Dnomyar -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 7:31:58 AM)

After she has the baby. "am I going to need to strap on a 2 x 4"



darchChylde -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 10:20:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

Next time...Share the Labor Pains with him..Gently hold and caress the balls that helped to put you in that position and SQUEEZE your way through the contraction. [sm=seesaw.gif]

poenkitten ( a bit evil this morning)



Did you ever know my wife?  Seriously, though there was no 'gently' involved; she did the same thing.  She swore that she was reaching for my hand.  But I ended up passing out from shock while a nurse was trying to pry her hands off, just so I could fall without her ripping my balls out.  SHE BROKE SKIN THROUGH DENIM!!!

So if I ever happen to father another child, I will be right there... buy the house around as soon as I get off the phone getting the news.



AMaster -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/3/2008 11:50:04 AM)

Wonderful!   >>>>>  taking notes!!!



DaddyChess -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/4/2008 11:21:47 AM)

ROFL... ouch...   Glad I never lied to my wife and told her I would do it for her if I could...



krikket -> RE: Things NOT to say to your preganant Wife, and still expect to live (10/4/2008 3:19:28 PM)

My "Ex" husband once compared having sex with me when i was 7-9 months pregnant to climbing Pikes Peak.  He actually lived to tell the tale...lol



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