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Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 2:13:23 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline 		So I was reading the "Have you questioned your submissive?" thread and it sort of triggered something in my brain that has been trying to come out for a while now.

I discovered the BDSM lifestyle through someone who I cared about.....I fell in love with him before I knew about the lifestyle.....and then sort of just agreed to learn about it, experience the M/s mind play and jumped in (perhaps foolishly) head first....it appealed to me in some ways....and every day I find something new I like or dislike......but for the most part I think I did it because I was "in love" (I know plenty question the practicality of actually being in love when it is only online/phone without a real meeting but lets just roll with it.) Now that the relationship has been an on again off again and real life has been real life and busy, and I find that I wonder about whether or not the lifestyle is for me completely.

So my question for discussion is.....

Can you love the man AND tolerate the lifestyle?
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 2:23:29 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		That's funny.  I had the opposite question.  Could I tolerate a man I'm not really in love with because I love the lifestyle?  The answer was no.  I don't know if that helps.  lol

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to clearlightblack)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 2:31:32 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline 		You know after I posted, I kinda laughed at myself for posting because as I thought about it more and more. I suppose part of me was saying......yeah there are parts of me that can't seem to live without a, b, & c although d, e, & f are an "I don't think so" kinda thing......and maybe it was something i should have posted in my journal rather than on the boards....but i guess since I have....i am at the mercy of the masses

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 2:43:12 PM   
littlemisssnarf


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline 		ok so here goes - am going at this from the reverse.... similar to flaming!

i met a man and tolerated so much of him - his smelly socks - his inability to cook even his nights out without coming home and no explanation - i tolerated all of this to the point where we married...

in the end i couldn't tolerate the empty void inside me - the slave part that could not be free.... so i left him...

can you tolerate his need to Dom and can he tolerate your "faux" subbing?

as this sounds like it's all online for you both i am suspecting long term probably not....

my advice - move on from toleration and on to fullfilment for you both....

Bon chance to you both.....

_____________________________

let the sun shine on your soul and smile...

(in reply to clearlightblack)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 3:07:35 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		edited because i didnt see the online only part...changes my response completely. ill post later.

< Message edited by persephonee -- 10/3/2008 3:10:20 PM >

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to littlemisssnarf)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 4:38:10 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline 		As I've been reading, I think i've answered my own questions.

Thank you to all.

Thank you littlemisssnarf.
Thank you persephonee.....whoms posts I've always found so wonderful to read......sorry I didn't get to see your wonderful words

I think it clicked with the few posts and probably months of trying to figure out what was all ready in front of my face.


(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 8:50:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem here is that if he needs a partner who does more than tolerate it, the relationship isn't going to be that great. It's not at all uncommon for women to tolerate it until they become mothers. And then the men feel betrayed and angry which are not feelings conducive to happy homes.

You need to talk to him about it and give him the option of finding someone who needs it as much as he does.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to clearlightblack)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/3/2008 10:45:26 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		Can you love the man AND tolerate the lifestyle?
The OP has her answer
Can you have cake AND frosting?
I wanna answer this one....  dry cake is rather boring so yes please, LOTS of frosting !!

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/4/2008 8:37:14 PM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		Use a better metaphor.  How many cakes have you seen in your life that don't have frosting on them?  How many times has anyone ever asked you to eat only the cake OR the frosting.  It's like having one's cake and eating it too:  What else is cake for!

(in reply to RealSub58)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/5/2008 12:07:54 AM   
DefiantFlower


Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		When I eat cake, I have it.
When I have cake, I eat it.

(in reply to ApathyRomance)
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RE: Can you have cake AND frosting? - 10/5/2008 8:50:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		clearlightblack, it sounds to me like you were in love and explored your submissivess while in your relationship.  Some of it clicked and some did not.You now know more about your likes, dislikes, and limits.

The fact that you do not like everything and will not do everything does not disqualify you from being a submissive.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DefiantFlower)
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