Owner4SexSlave
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Joined: 4/4/2007
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In terms of control, personally first and foremost a self-centric concept for me. How can I possible be in control of other people if I am not in control of myself. In regards to authority, I am in charge of myself first and formost as well. Both this level of control of authority over myself apply to a wide range of aspects. The thing with the English language are the multiple meanings to words. To which get often debated and ripped apart on this message board.
If one is in control of themself, if one takes authority over their own life, and assumes the responsiblity for their own personal power (power on many levels). This is a solid foundation to build off from. In fact, dare I express this, if one (a Dominant) is focused here, it's nearly impossible for them to be topped from the bottom or control by anybody, let alone their submissive partner.
This does not mean, I will not listen to another person, grant requests or do something for another person. However, it's at my own freedom of choice and will. I do have consideration for other people.
People seems to get confused at times, that being Dominant means that one should or should not be selfish. In fact there are some submissives/slaves that desire to serve selfish Doms. There are many submissives that have no desire to serve a selfish Dom as well. There are no universal truth in regards to a one wayesm. Mind you many people have idealisms. The truth of the matter is such, that many Doms are both selfish and not selfish at the same time. The same can be said for many submissives.
We all have needs, wants, desires, and expectation in life. As a Dominant, I am responsible for not only my needs, wants, desires and expectations but also my partners. Dare I say this, but it extends to all my interactions with people in general. I do not seperate my Orientation and make it exclusive to the BDSM lifestyle. That is not how I identify with myself in regards to the rest of the world. I am simply a Dominant person by nature. I am not quick to exterted Dominance, I don't want to control everything and everybody around me. However, if something is effecting my personal life or sphere of my corner of the world, you betcha I'm all over it.
In terms of D/s relationships, I have control over myself, and I have control over my actions and decisions. People generally as a rule of thumb hand over control or give up their own personal authority of choice, unless there is a motivation or reason behind it. In many regards, The Dom has to prove that they are worthy of making good decisions, are capable of managing authority, control and power.
Again, I stress there are many different levels and types of authority, control and power. The exchanges of these things can occur on one or more levels. The concept of Deferment is just such as case even. Some people will defer to me regarding something I have knowledge in. In many regards knowledge is indeed one form of power. That whole expression of "Knowledge is power". It is just one of many forms of power.
There are many times when Doms will surround themselves with Smart people, a smart Dom will pick other peoples brains and gain knowledge and insight in making the best decisions and choices. The Dom still maintains control because they are absorbing certain aspects of those around them.
Here's a bit of a catch 22, when I have a submissive wait on me. I'm actually giving up my personal power and control to my submissive partner. Instead of me going out into the kitchen and fixing something to eat for myself. I have entrusted the submissive to do this, and do in a manner that will please me. That I trust that it's not going to burned and taste like fucking dog crap served up on a plate.
In many regards one can Dominant another person by giving up power, in exchange for taking on the authority role. I give up some of my personal control in exchange for recieving authority. Mind you at any moment, I can take back control and refuse to take authority for my submissive partner.
The submissive partner can say, fix your own damn food, thus taking authority back and putting control back in my hands.
None the less, what I am capable of doing and what the submissive is capable of doing, an agreement and understanding is reached in terms of who does what, and who has the authority of what aspects.
For instance there are certain things, that I have no desire to take authority over. Now, here's the part where D/s really starts to cross over gravitate towards M/s. Where I take authority over the submissives sphere of self control. Picking out clothing and such. Where the submissive gives up some of their control, in exchange I recieve even more authority.
This crossing point I'm attempting to describe, is where many people have difficulties at times. In fact, I've seen many posts on this message board. Where it becomes difficult for a submissive to release some of this, their own self control to a Dom. While they have no problem taking control from a Dominant.
Trust me, whenever somebody starts to wait on me hand and foot and doing things for me. I'm smart enough to see this form of taking and assuming control. In fact, dare I express this, I've been in situations where I was not hungry expressed for them to not fix me anything, or to leave certain aspects of things I do for myself alone, to only have it violated. They thought they were doing me a favor, however it actually was literally topping me from the bottom.
Again, control, power and authority all start within myself first. I do not entrust anybody to do things for me on behalf or for me. That is something that one has to earn. Just because I'm a Dom does not mean I'm going to blind into falling into somebody attempting to force their not submissive topping from the bottom behaviors upon me. Some Doms might think Gee she's really submissive because she waits on me hand and foot. Poor suckers have not a clue.
Anyways, this is a long twisted post. Perhaps it will or will not make sense to people. There is more I could express. This is all sort of a general warm up of thoughts. There are so many different, levels and angles to a topic such as this.
I just wanted to toss out one slice of many, this topic really is One big fat orange with many juicey slices under the skin.
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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 
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