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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 11:18:50 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Same as for a sub. Fake. Waste of space.

(in reply to BuddnRoze)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 11:51:07 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BuddnRoze

What if the Dom won't give you their phone number?  Only way to contact is through internet?  What would the thoughts be there?


He's too stupid to remember numbers?  Or that he's got a partner? 

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to BuddnRoze)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 11:59:48 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Damn!  You mean to tell me that the whole "giant bucket of AIDS thing" ISN'T what I should be asking?  Is that why I don't get second dates?  Ah...maybe THAT'S why I am online all the time (see other thread) and need to submit to that guy.  Thanks VS!

(in reply to VivaciousSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 2:01:42 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Maybe if you say PAIL instead of bucket... pail sounds smaller...*snort*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 8:33:23 PM   
WinterWolf


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Why in the world would anyone want to meet someone they only know online if that person does not have any real life references? 
Well, if you don't know any real life people, how can you check referneces?

The best thing is too look out for the red flags.
1. Is the person new to bdsm?  If they are, you need to make sure you are not goign to get in a situation where you cannot get out of.
2. If they are not new, are they involved in the bdsm community?
If you don't know what the "community is" maybe you need to learn more before you go meeting some "dom" from online.  You really need to know that a "Dom" does not teach you or "Train" you on how to be a slave.  If they are not involved in the BDSM community...why not...ask them this and start to count the number of reasons they give, then convert those to the number of reasons you should not meet them.
3. If they are involved in the bdsm community ( a kink group or leather group)  ask about it, ask to talk to people from it.  Will he meet you with someone else (one of your friends you trust) or does he want to keep everything secret?  (if he does....don't walk....RUN!)

(in reply to saint2sinners)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 10:11:32 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I think the OP was asking about an online dom. 

personally, unless you have plans to physically meet this dom, then I cant imagine why you'd NEED references.


Maybe he's asked for her credit card numbers?  Other than that, I was wondering the same thing.


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: checking a domms references - 10/6/2008 8:16:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		OP you want my phone number. LMAO. Not going to happen. Question. What happens if a Dom will not give you his phone number. Answer. I have several cell phones given to me from women because I would not give them my phone number. I am not a phone person period. Talk to me either on here or in person.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: checking a domms references - 10/6/2008 9:03:41 AM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		I don't and would not give out references for myself, in the BDSM world, or in the nilla world...... come on guys, if your nilla and you met a guy in a coffee shop do you ask him to provide references for his last 3 lovers????? why does it change so much when goddess forbid BDSM might be involved.
I will not send you a copy of my drivers licence, I will not give you my home or work address, I will not give you my work phone number, if your lucky I may give you my cell number. Until I get to know you in REAL LIFE you are a stranger to me, and guess what.... I don't give out my personal info to strangers.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: checking a domms references - 10/6/2008 9:14:06 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave met Master online at a BDSM personals site(not this one).  she didn't have to go looking for information about Him, because He provided it all, up front.
 
He included a recent picture of Himself, dressed in casual attire, in His profile.  Before we made arrangements to meet, He gave this slave the website address of His company, which also included a recent picture of Him, in a business suit.  It was obviously the same person, same name.  The company website also listed their 800 number and other contact information like physical address, etc.  He provided this slave with His home address, home and cell phone numbers, make, model & color of His car, insisted she set up a safe-call for our first meet, which was, at His insistance, initially, at a public place.

(in reply to saint2sinners)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: checking a domms references - 10/8/2008 8:46:14 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		That's not always true, cause Daddy isn't even off work most nights by 10 pm, one night he didn't get off work till 2 in the morning. He's also not allowed to take calls while in the restaraunt, and often times doesn't have time to talk when he's out on deliveries, and technically you shouldn't be on the phone for casual calls, even if you are out in the car delivering food.

If you called Daddy at 6 am just to check on him in the hopes of catching him in something or making him proove something, he'd be pissed, and rightly so. 6 am is far to early in our books to call unless something is seriously wrong, there's an emergency, or we arranged for you to call at 6   and you can not accuratly guess weather someone is married or not by the hours they keep and the times they answer the phone. am.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Get his last name, and a phone number where you can reach him at 9pm and 6am -- times a married man would be with his wife. 

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: checking a domms references - 10/8/2008 8:57:39 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Excuse me but not likeing or participating in your local community, isn't a red flag. And it's not automatically a reason for all subs to dismiss them as their potential. Bdsm communities are not the end all be all of kink. It's also not an indication you're a good person or trustworthy, since I've met a few people who were total and pompous asses, and one person was a down right predator, and they were in the local scene. There are plenty of people who're not into the real life scene, and they're not bag people. And there are plenty of people who ARE in the scene and ARE bad people. 

To advicate that  someone who's not in the local scene is a red flag and should be avoided, is silly. And second of all, What doms do and don't teach is so varied and diffrent from dom to dom, you can not possitivly and accuratly say 100 percent across the board, what doms do or not do, and do or do not teach.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinterWolf


The best thing is too look out for the red flags.

2. If they are not new, are they involved in the bdsm community?
If you don't know what the "community is" maybe you need to learn more before you go meeting some "dom" from online.  You really need to know that a "Dom" does not teach you or "Train" you on how to be a slave.  If they are not involved in the BDSM community...why not...ask them this and start to count the number of reasons they give, then convert those to the number of reasons you should not meet them.
3

(in reply to WinterWolf)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: checking a domms references - 10/8/2008 9:02:37 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Oh for Pete's sake.  It's the concept.  There's an exception to every single rule. 

Anyone who's read previous posts of mine knows that I (at least claim to) play on the first meet most of the time, even though you're "not supposed to."  The concept at work is that she and I have shared enough trust that we both know it won't be a bad thing.  Different people have different levels of experience sizing people up -- and getting across that they are not reckless or insane.  Put together a way you can figure that out.  There's no recipe that always works for everyone.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: checking a domms references - 10/8/2008 9:29:45 PM   
exile509


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		seeing as though everyone lies on their resume you might not find what you're looking for

besides, i never put the jobs i got fired from on said resume

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: checking a domms references - 10/9/2008 12:09:02 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		References only work if you know the references. Otherwise, you have no idea what their integrity is or even who they are. You'd have to ask for references for your references until you finally got a person you knew.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to saint2sinners)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: checking a domms references - 10/9/2008 9:18:01 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I had a girl come to visit me from England. I gave her the website of the munch group we belonged to and told her to write to them, explain what she was planning on doing and ask questions about us to anyone she chose to. And if she asked I'm sure they would have provided phone numbers as well. But... we had known each other online for over two years and had spoken on the phone quite often. She had seen lots of pics of me and mine, I had only seen one of her. But I still knew her when she got off the plane!! That was the most incredible visit!! What an awesome person she was!
 
My belief is that you go with your gut. That is... if you have those gut feelings that you can trust.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: checking a domms references - 10/9/2008 9:20:40 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		As far as I know there is no certification on becoming an online dominant.  The only thing necessary is that someone believe the line.
As far as trusting them, just remember never give over any money, credit card numbers, or details you would not willingly share with a guy you meet at a bar.  Online, for all its imposed intimacy, is still fluff until you meet and someone farts.
Kyst

(in reply to saint2sinners)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: checking a domms references - 10/9/2008 10:15:34 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinterWolf

Why in the world would anyone want to meet someone they only know online if that person does not have any real life references? 
Well, if you don't know any real life people, how can you check referneces?

The best thing is too look out for the red flags.
1. Is the person new to bdsm?  If they are, you need to make sure you are not goign to get in a situation where you cannot get out of.
2. If they are not new, are they involved in the bdsm community?
If you don't know what the "community is" maybe you need to learn more before you go meeting some "dom" from online.  You really need to know that a "Dom" does not teach you or "Train" you on how to be a slave.  If they are not involved in the BDSM community...why not...ask them this and start to count the number of reasons they give, then convert those to the number of reasons you should not meet them.
3. If they are involved in the bdsm community ( a kink group or leather group)  ask about it, ask to talk to people from it.  Will he meet you with someone else (one of your friends you trust) or does he want to keep everything secret?  (if he does....don't walk....RUN!)


Going by your criteria, he should have run away.
He met me online. I gave no references.
I was brand new to wiitwd.
I've never been involved in a 'community' and I never will be. Firstly, I'm an introvert and secondly I am not driving two hours to go someplace I've never been and know no one.
He felt no need to bring a friend along to protect him.

I met him online.
This is his first d/s relationship also although he's had play only relationships.
He's never been involved in a community and never will. The fear of being outed is real for him.
I didn't bring a friend along to protect me.

I guess we're both fake and the fact that we're still together over five years later doesn't mean anything.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to WinterWolf)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: checking a domms references - 10/10/2008 7:51:21 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		You are on your own here as any reference he gives to you might be another identity He set up Himself...if He even is a he...None of this matters, checking out the alternate identity might be fun too...what does matter is how you click and if you have somewhat equal time and mind to spend on eachother...if you are not happy with the exchange you block Him or Her.
You can check if He has posted here on the message boards and if He has you can learn from what he has written, maybe that will tell you if you are compatible. But if He has not really His profile and maybe journal is all you have to go by.

(in reply to saint2sinners)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: checking a domms references - 10/10/2008 8:38:08 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Excue me, no Not every one lies on their resumes. I have never and I will never lie on a resume, there's no point. If I am obviously  not qualified and I know that entering the job force I am applying for, I wouldn't be applying for the job, If I am and they don't like what I offer tough shit.
quote:

ORIGINAL: exile509

seeing as though everyone lies on their resume you might not find what you're looking for

besides, i never put the jobs i got fired from on said resume

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: checking a domms references - 10/10/2008 11:55:24 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BuddnRoze

What if the Dom won't give you their phone number?  Only way to contact is through internet?  What would the thoughts be there?


Married. Or he's not interested in anything rl - if that's ok with you, doesn't really matter why he won't give out his #. He might also not trust you enough - yet. i don't just randomly give my # out to every person i talk to online.
 
*edited to clarify*

< Message edited by apiercedkitty -- 10/11/2008 12:00:09 AM >

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to BuddnRoze)
Profile   Post #: 40
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