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What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 7:33:30 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		The ~What is sex~ thread got me wondering about Intimacy and how it relates here.
Is it a one way street, and if so how?
Does this dynamic make things different, or like many other areas is it all very similar?
I know there are no real answers, but your thoughts would be appreciated.
Please if you would, define ~Intimacy~


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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 7:48:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sexual intimacy is self explanatory, you give access to your body to someone else.

Emotional intimacy means I have to take down my protective walls and expose my vulnerabilities, the things that will hurt if misused. Doubled edged sword here means I have to tell someone what they are so they don't accidentally hit those spots, but take the risk that he's not a good guy deep down and will use them to hurt me deliberately in an argument. If I don't share them, then he can't really hurt me but that means he can't really love me either as I don't let him know the real me.

The same walls that keep others out, also serve as prison walls to keep me in.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 7:51:59 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
Please if you would, define ~Intimacy~

Well, for me personally being "intimate" means sharing/showing a private part of myself with/to another that I wouldn't share with just anyone.  The term "being intimate" often conjures up images of having sexual relations and that makes sense.  However, I have been more "intimate" with Master than I have ever been with any other human being and that doesn't necessarily have one single thing to do with sex.  It means He knows more of my "deep, dark secret desires" than anyone.  He knows more about my "private" thoughts and needs than anyone else ever has.  He knows about things I've done that others do not.  Only because of this "intimacy" that we share is He so aware of everything about me.  To me, sexual intimacy has always been possible with lots of people.  Intimacy concerning emotions has been reserved for very, very few, nonesomuch as Him................luci 

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 7:56:18 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		This is the intimacy I am looking for:
It’s a simple dream. I’m lying in bed, with my lady. She is someone I don’t know right now and someone I’m not sure I’ll ever meet. She is cuddled in my arms after I’ve ravished her. I can smell the salt from the perspiration on her skin. That mixed with her scent is very pleasing to me.

She is a petite little lady, not my usual type. Tiny I guess is the word for her, compared to me. I’m a big brute of a guy. She is warm and her breathing is slow and steady. I can feel her heart as it beats. I love watching her sleep. I feel at peace (something I’ve not know for a very long time).

It’s amazing what I know about her. The world has not been kind to her. She had great sadness before we stumbled onto each other. She is intelligent and quietly thoughtful. The first time I met her, her eyes had sadness in them. Like me, she had not found where she belonged in the world. We met and talked over coffee. We agreed to meet again, but as we walked out, she turned and ran to me. I hugged her and felt right with the world. I picked her up and carried her to my car. She is such a tiny thing. We went home and I introduced her to my son. I opened a bottle of wine and we started talking. We ate dinner and she fussed around the kitchen, cleaning up. It felt good to watch her move around the kitchen. She gave my son a hug when he went to bed. He signed to me that he really liked her.

We talked late into the night. It was wonderful. We talked about our past, the scars left on our soul by our journey here on earth. We talked about what was important to each of us and we were honest with our needs and wants.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 9:49:48 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your thoughts.  But I cant help but notice a common thread. 
Each of you speak of a sub who has found a safe place/person to be transparent with yet there has been no mention of how a sub receives intimacy, or how a dominant gives it.  Cowboy ... those last 4 sentences I think are what I'm aiming at.  Thank You.   

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/4/2008 10:41:12 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Intimacy to me is sharing the things most don't ever see, little things like watching someone shave or taking a shower with them or cuddling in bed. Knowing how they like their coffee, or knowing what their favorite movie or book is. Sharing tears and pain. Intimacy is hard to define in a single moment but lack of intimacy in a relationship can be horrible, cold and lonely. You can have the most amazing circus sex-the best flogger skills but if there is no intimacy in the relationship, it's going to feel like a deflated balloon.

Wolf's denika

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 12:49:56 AM   
masterforRT


Posts: 176
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Status: offline 		Intimacy is being very close to something or someone-so close that you aren't afraid of them whatsoever.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 1:10:12 AM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

Each of you speak of a sub who has found a safe place/person to be transparent with yet there has been no mention of how a sub receives intimacy, or how a dominant gives it. 


A few weeks ago the man I'm seeing placed a small plate of snacks beside the bed and proceeded to feed me small bites of mozzarella wrapped in prosciutto.  He poured me a glass of San Peligrino over ice, as well.  When I was finished snacking, he set the tray aside and slid under the covers next to me, wrapping both his arms around me and kissing my nose.  He said he didn't know or care what day it was; that he was incredibly content.

Last week he propped my feet on his lap and massaged them while we talked.  It was amazing.  And then he'll lighten a moment up by singing Bob Dylan tunes in a perfect Dylan impression, making me laugh.

I'm still learning to receive and accept this kind of tenderness from someone.  He knows there are wounds that are healing and is being rather delicate with me.  These intimate moments relax me, and allow my walls to slowly come down.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 1:15:51 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		intimacy to me is 'letting it all hang out' problem with D/s in particular is you can fall into a trap of playing a role and bottling up everything thats real. A Dom expressing intimacy therefore is when he swears because he burnt the toast, rings me up because he 'just had to tell me he loves me', getting a runny nose and feeling all helpless, getting angry at someone smashing his car, crying at the end of a film. All of that to me is intimacy, its taking off the masks, being a real person and understanding that it wont make your partner respect you less or any of that crap its at the point where it doesnt even cross your mind to hide those things.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 1:16:18 AM   
burntcynder


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		In my opinion intimacy is shared never taken. Intimacy can’t be forced from a person it must be given willingly. It is opening yourself up to vulnerability. I wonder if that is why some Doms find it harder to be intimate than some submissives. Often a submissive is taught or encouraged to give up their walls of defense to open their hearts and allow the Dom to become their defender. It’s damn scary stuff. There is no guarantee that the Dom you open up to is the one who will in turn defend you.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 3:40:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Great thread.

Intimacy is the sharing of the self.  That part that isn't seen by anyone else.  It's sharing the scars, the secrets, and those things that are not apparent to the world.  It is about exposing the core.  The heart.  The soul.

Given to someone who has no eyes to see with, nor ears to hear with, it means nothing.  It only matters when they look and listen.


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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 4:05:11 AM   
Subductrssss


Posts: 97
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		To me, this is truly intimacy:

Sleeping with someone, literally sleeping with them, can be one of the most intimate and rewarding things lovers can do.  Spooning up behind them feeling their back press into your chest with each breath they take. Lightly running your hand across their skin as you drift off, listening to the little sounds they make as their way through dreams, the language of subvocalized words that some develop over time as they communicate upon first waking, before ever saying a word, feeling their heavy breaths across the nape of your neck, these are the things that make you feel close to the one you love.

At no time are we as vulnerable, as open and unprotected, as when we sleep. Little pieces of our dreams come to the surface without our knowledge or consent, and present themselves before those we invite into our beds. When you wake from a dream, scared or disoriented, nothing makes you more comfortable than the feeling of a lovers arm as it lies upon you , or the warmth of their body.

Sleep with your lover, listen to their body language, enjoy the tiny pieces of them that are offered up in the darkened hours, and share of yourself with them.

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Subductrssss

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 4:08:18 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

 It is about exposing the core.  The heart.  The soul.

Given to someone who has no eyes to see with, nor ears to hear with, it means nothing.  It only matters when they look and listen.



You put how i feel about this into words, thankYou.

Gabrielle x 

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 4:50:36 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		itimacy is the sharing of yourself to the partner of your choice  once the clothes hit the floor and your vulnerable to the person next to you ...how she gets to explore your body and you get to explore hers on equal terms as you give yourself to her  and she allows you to cum inside of her too and the inhibitions are totally gone  trying to please and satisfy each other the best way you both know how as you share your orgasms with each other and hopefully after you get to fall asleep in each others arms feeling each others warmth and softness until when you awake to hopefully do it all over again to start the new day  a very special thing indeed  mal

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 5:01:44 AM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Initmacy, for me, with a submissive is to allow her to see the way my own inner drives lead me to want to protect and play with her. Perhaps she might even see some of the emotional damage that made me this way. Intimacy is when the masks drop and we show our real selves, the people that even we sometimes are afraid of. My inner child likes to play rough, probably due to the corner of hell I grew up in. It's the blend of savagery and compassion, the two duelling sides of my nature that my sense of self and my humour work so hard to keep in check.
For me to allow anyone to see that, that's intimacy.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 10:30:12 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
Each of you speak of a sub who has found a safe place/person to be transparent with yet there has been no mention of how a sub receives intimacy, or how a dominant gives it. 

I guess I'm confused by this because I don't see intimacy as something given and received.  It's something that just is.  Something that happens and is shared.  It's like opening a window into you and allowing another to look into it.  I just can't see it as something given and taken................luci

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 10:36:16 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I think it can be given and received, luci.  I used to think as you do, but I have come to learn there can be moments in which one person is open and giving and feeling, and the other is neutral.  In this case, intimacy might be experienced by one and not the other. 

I suppose I wrote about feeling intimacy received because it was the first time I've ever encountered a man who was willing to give of himself like that.  To be a part of such personal sharing in both directions was new for me, and I received it as something quite special.  Therefore, I felt I received intimacy from him.

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 10:39:01 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I guess I'm confused by this because I don't see intimacy as something given and received.  It's something that just is.  Something that happens and is shared.  It's like opening a window into you and allowing another to look into it.  I just can't see it as something given and taken................luci


I worded it that way due to so many subs who open themselves up emotionally to a dominant (giving that transparency)
And dom's who seek that level of knowledge from a sub (receiving the transparency)

I think many subs crave the comfort of being so transparent, yet it seems that as we seek out strong dominant people to give that to, are we creating a catch 22 if we expect it in return? 


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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 10:40:51 AM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hey, there, Quiver.  To me, a general definition of intimacy is the process of having your heart be opened by another and having that other open his or hers to you.

How's that? 

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RE: What is intimacy? - 10/5/2008 11:40:53 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Great thread.

Intimacy is the sharing of the self.  That part that isn't seen by anyone else.  It's sharing the scars, the secrets, and those things that are not apparent to the world.  It is about exposing the core.  The heart.  The soul.

Given to someone who has no eyes to see with, nor ears to hear with, it means nothing.  It only matters when they look and listen.



This is beautiful, LadyP
 
And it does go both ways. I will never forget the first time Master misted up in front of me- He was discussing His father's death. I felt I had been honored in a way I had never experienced before.
 
The transparency and intimacy we have amazes me everyday. Just last night, He mentioned something about someone we know and then we went on to other subjects- then He went back to it because, even though I tried to not show it, He knew what He had said upset me. He reads me better than I do myself- often, actually.
 
We trust each other. We spend time looking into each other's eyes and talking about life, goals, fantasies, family, whatever. We listen, we love, we share, we hold, we give a damn about the other's feelings and thoughts.
 
This is the most intimate relationship I have ever experienced. And, I know this has been debated many times in many threads, for me, it is because of our D/s dynamic- the transparency, the trust, the openness, the ownership and the responsibilities of both roles.

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