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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:29:51 AM

SlayerZ

Posts: 100
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Not so much of the cigarettes and more actual food.. even if it's just soup.

Don't worry, it's not ice cream soup... ew...

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:31:07 AM

PeonForHer

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Hi liz.

It's sad to see that men can be as cold and as callous within the BDSM world as outside of it.

Another reminder to me, at least, that whether dom or sub, one's rules need to be asserted and stuck to.

Well, for what it's worth: your photo gives me the strong intuition that you'll only be single for as long as you want to be. You're a beaut.

Take good care of yourself.

pforH X

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Post #: 42

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:39:09 AM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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You've already been given some great advice here Liz.....so i'll just share a poem that's always meant alot to me....

Comes the Dawn

After awhile, you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning...

and company doesn't mean security...

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts...

and presents aren't promises...

And you begin to accept your defeats...

With your head up and your eyes open...

Wth the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child...

And you learn to build all your roads on today..

Because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans....

And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.......

After awhile, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much..

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul....

Instead of waiting for someone to bring your flowers...

and you learn that you really can endure...

And you really are strong....

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye you learn.

~Veronica A. Shoffstall~

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:50:07 AM

OttersSwim

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That is a wonderful poem.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:50:43 AM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
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I went through something similar to this. Yes, it happens on both sides of the fence, women do it to men, submissives do it to dominants.

When it happened to me, I really believed that she was it, she was the one. There were rough patches in our relationship that I probably should have paid more attention too. But I adored her. To this day, I still don't know the entire truth. All I know for certain is, when it was finally over between us, I knew for a fact that I would NEVER give so much of myself to anyone else, ever again. Eventually, I got over feeling that way.

I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I cried until I dry heaved.

It took a very, very long time, but eventually, it didn't hurt as much.

I won't lie and say eventually the pain goes away, or eventually you'll forget all about him, because I know that isn't true.

All I can say is eventually it doesn't hurt as much and eventually you don't think about him as much.

*hugs*

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:51:55 AM

scarlethiney

Posts: 492
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

I know there are probably a ton of threads on this topic so I'm sorry for repeating. I just need some advice I guess, or maybe just some support, so I came here. My Master and I were together for 7 months. Not a super long time, but not a one-nighter either. I wore His collar very proudly and bragged about Him and how much fun we had together. On Friday I found out He had another slave. Not only did He had another slave, but she was moving in with Him and they were getting married. He lied to me the entire time. Then He called and released me with no remorse, no emotion, nothing. I was a good slave to Him so I know this wasn't my fault- the only fault that's mine is that I believed Him and fell for Him. I know this happens alot, not just in the BDSM scene but in life in general. I don't want to hear how He's a so-and-so or any of that. I'm just a mess right now and I would love to know suggestions to help me let this go. I haven't been able to sleep or eat in two days and I'm tired of giving Him that power over me when He obviously doesn't deserve it. I know it will take time to let this go, but are there things I can do to help it along? Any suggestions would be great.

I'm so sorry lizcgir big hug for you!l. Feel pity for him and for the woman he's now with. He doesn't get it and obviously never will. Bless him and forgive him and let him go it- won't change him but it will give you peace. If you need to cry or be angry over the injustice of it all do so. Just don't allow your hurt and anger to control you or your choices in the future.
Stay busy as much as is humanly possible. Find something new to do or learn..... something for you. We miss the things that became habits that were part of our daily life. Change the things you do and the way you do them or the order. That will help you move past what became habit for you in that relationship.
Best of luck to you.

scarlet

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Post #: 46

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 10:52:42 AM

NumberSix

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Joined: 12/30/2006
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equally poignant:

"You Learn"

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Alanis Morrisette

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"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
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Be seeing you...

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 11:24:17 AM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
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From: Tampa, FL
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Liz,

*giant hug, a pack of your cigs, excellent coffee and tons of water*

I am terribly sorry this happened to you. The other posters have given you excellent advice, so I won't repeat it, but I'll add a blurb about the stages of grief:

Denial:
- Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."'Not to me!"
Anger:
- Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
Bargaining:
- Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
Depression:
- Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
Acceptance:
- Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

The author goes on to note that not all people will experience these stages in this order, nor will everyone experience all of them. They will, however, experience at least two.

I highly recommend going to a shooting range to blow off steam. I do it often and it's a great endorphin release and very cathartic.

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To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 11:34:04 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
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I'd make sure she knows.
Ruining his other relationship would definiately do it for me.
Vanilla BDSM Dom/me sub/slave it's always possible maybe even probable.
But you sure do seem to have been more unlucky than most.
I can't really think of a way to make sure it doesn't happen again either.
I seriously think that you have more chance in vanilla life though to have a happy relationship.
Lots and lots of hugs.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 11:42:04 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

I'd make sure she knows.
Ruining his other relationship would definiately do it for me.

Here's the thing with this: if you're doing it purely for revenge, the reality is that you're going to be hurting someone that is most likely an innocent party...the woman he's marrying. I think that's pretty shitty.

If you're doing this because you know she's had no idea what is going on and you don't think she deserves to get sucked into a relationship that's a lie...that possibly might be okay. But, you're still deliberately hurting a stranger. The only thing that might balance out is that it would her her more later.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 11:43:14 AM

lizcgirl

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None of that matters- she knows all about it.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 12:42:04 PM

OttersSwim

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And there is another nail in his coffin. He is hooking up with someone who knows about lies and deceit and hurting others. What goes around, comes around. Be thankful they are taking each other out of the pool...

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 1:30:46 PM

wulfgarw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

Can't do ice cream- lactose intolerant and with the way my stomach feels.... ick. I love the thought though and I'm trying to take as much of the advice as possible. I think I will feel better once I confront him when he comes to get his stuff, that usually gives me closure. I'm going with the totally healthy approach of cigarettes, coffee and water and focusing on all the wonderful things every one has been saying. I just love all of you guys on here, you are seriously the very best.

So, what about FTD?

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Broken I Stand
Betrayed I Fight
Forgotten I Fall"

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 1:37:13 PM

masterforRT

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My one piece of advice to would be:
Take your time and whatever you do, DON'T REBOUND!

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 2:02:27 PM

lizcgirl

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FTD is fabulous, daisies please, I'm a simple kinda girl. And don't worry- no rebound here. I took my collar seriously and I will not jump back into anything like that.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 2:05:55 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

None of that matters- she knows all about it.

Well then...they deserve each other.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 2:24:49 PM

LeMis

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Yeah...
lots of great advice here!

BTDT.

Teri Clark

quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

First, advise yourself via your sigline.
Then, take up hobbies, and exercise (maybe now is the time to practice a formal tea service)

Teri Clark:
Don't tell me the reason that you're calling
Is to see if I'm alright since you've been gone
Cuz I know you and I know why we're talking
You're wanting me to say I'm barely hanging on
Well maybe that was true
For a night or two
But now I've got better thing to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same
As I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time
Crying over you
I've got better things to do

Maybe when I don't have so much going
Or quite so many irons in the fire
I'll take the time to miss you like you're hoping
But now I can't put forth the effort it requires
Well I'd love to talk to you but then I'd miss Donahue
That's right I've got better things to do

(REPEAT CHORUS)

Check the air in my tires
Straighten my stereo wires
Count the stars in the sky
Or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time
Crying over you
I've got better things to do
I've got better things to do yeah

AND SMILE, GODDAMIT!
THAT IS A CYBER COMMAND, OBEY!

Ron

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Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. — Lincoln

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 2:37:38 PM

MrHarsh

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Give yourself time. You may find yourself thinking about him all the time now, but in a few months you will be thinking about him less. One day you will think of him and realize that you haven't thought about him, or cared, for ages.

Everyone goes through break-ups. Everyone gets in bad relationships too. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Spoil yourself a little bit. Indulge in some things that you love to do, but haven't done in a while - hobbies, activities, whatever.

And then, just go out and have some fun. Your life hasn't ended, so don't act like you're dead. Go enjoy a few things.

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RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 4:40:40 PM

lizcgirl

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Thanks guys, you are seriously the best.

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