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I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:10:41 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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I was sharing a * funny * personal experience of mine with some one here last night and it got me to thinking. I can't be the only one, can I ?

Quite some years ago, I had a Dominant who chose the meals for the week. On Saturday he would give me a list of the meals he would like prepared for the upcoming week. I could make the meal any way I chose and on the nights I chose, unless he had a specific request. I love to cook and am a pretty good one. So say he wanted steak one night, I chose what marinade or seasoning rub to use and whether to grill or broil, etc.

I had a very bad habit of * ruining * dinner after we had a heated arguement. It wasn't often, but on the occasions we got " into it " , dinner would be over cooked or over seasoned or undercooked and have to go back in the oven, delaying dinner. It was quite some time ago, and I don't know how often I did this, but I would guess 4 or five times.

In telling the person, last night about what I had done, I mentioned that he never said a word about it and never figured it out. I hadn't thought about this story in a very long time. Today I was thinking about that story and gave my, now friend- former Dominant, a phone call and had a discussion about it, basically asking why it never occured to him that I never, ever ruined a meal except when we had an bad arguement.

He bust out laughing and said, most likely the same reason you never figured out why the following night we went to ((Fast Food resturant X )) I broke into a belly laugh. I hate this particular fast food resturant and had to eat there because of my own doing.

My question is: has any other submissive ever done something like this passive aggressively ? I welcome any Dominants stories who may have had their submissive do something like this also.

I am not going to defend what I did, I DO know it was not right, nor honest nor anything else. But I did it, I was much younger and still feeling my way. It was always a funny story to me, but now all the more funny since I never really pulled it over on him, as I thought I had.

~mbmbn~

Post #: 1

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:23:24 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
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I am passive aggressive to the point of absurdity, not specifically in a s/D dynamic but in general. It is so habitual, I often don't even realize I am doing it. It is actually something I am working on.

When I was younger (teenager) it often manifested itself in a helpless-dumb-blonde sort of way. I could feign confusion or ineptness with amazing accuracy.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 2

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:24:02 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Whenever I cry in an argument it is almost always a natural passive aggressive reaction to deflect energy and blame. In my family, my sister was the loud angry one daughter...so I rolled over and cried to play victim. If you're crying, the person has to deal with the immediate crying. Thus the initial impact of their anger is diffused and you're no longer the "wrong" person.

I *know* this and I still do it. I *tell* my partners to watch for it, and it still happens.

Best thing is to just wait out the initial reaction and then get back on track to owning I statements and working through the miscommunication like rational adults.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 3

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:26:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
I could feign confusion or ineptness with amazing accuracy.

One of my favorite quotes (that I made) is that one of the best signs of intelligences is knowing when to act like you know more than you know, when to act like you know less than you know and when to know the difference.

Underestimation can be a pretty powerful position. Us young darling dewy sensitive budding flowers...

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 4

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:26:06 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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A wise Master, such as the one you had, always knows, but for the sake of peace, teaches you in ways you don't understand...immediately.
Now you know and, much like children who grow up, you now think back and say, "hmmm, he was right after all, or smarter than I gave him credit for?"
Now, lets go grab a BigMac, some greasy fries and oversized coke and have a heart attack together.

God, I hate Fastfood.....even though I am Fastlane!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 5

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 4:40:47 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Best thing is to just wait out the initial reaction and then get back on track to owning I statements and working through the miscommunication like rational adults.

I do agree with you. I can't imagine doing that now and not admitting to it.

Even back then, I did understand that. It was usually that evening during the * ruined * dinner we sorted out the issue we had earlier in the day. I did have a twnge of guilt while eating the unpalatable food and talking about the issue at hand. But I never felt guilty enough to fess up. Generally I was so relieved to get the conflict out of the way, I didn't want to open a new one.
~mbmbn~

< Message edited by maybemaybenot -- 12/5/2005 5:24:08 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 5:09:15 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

like you know more than you know

I have gotten a couple of jobs that way. ;)

quote:

Whenever I cry in an argument it is almost always a natural passive aggressive reaction to deflect energy and blame.

LA is every man I have ever been in a serious relationship with.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 5:23:37 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

A wise Master, such as the one you had, always knows, but for the sake of peace, teaches you in ways you don't understand...immediately.
Now you know and, much like children who grow up, you now think back and say, "hmmm, he was right after all, or smarter than I gave him credit for?"
Now, lets go grab a BigMac, some greasy fries and oversized coke and have a heart attack together.

God, I hate Fastfood.....even though I am Fastlane!

Can I super size it, and get a nice piping hot apple " turn my guts" over for dessert?
Pretty please?

~mbmbn~

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 8

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 5:42:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
LA is every man I have ever been in a serious relationship with.

Does that make you more or less likely to ask me out to dinner now? :)

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 9

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 8:21:41 PM

Simian

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
I could feign confusion or ineptness with amazing accuracy.

One of my favorite quotes (that I made) is that one of the best signs of intelligences is knowing when to act like you know more than you know, when to act like you know less than you know and when to know the difference.

Underestimation can be a pretty powerful position. Us young darling dewy sensitive budding flowers...

LOL hahaha still laughing..... *sprung
What did I just do???

_____________________________

One cow says to another, "are you worried about that disease." The other cow answers back, "No I've no need to, I'm a chicken!"

VS. little simian.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/5/2005 8:36:54 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Does that make you more or less likely to ask me out to dinner now?

Probably MORE likely. But I am paying and I expect to get some later.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/6/2005 1:03:08 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

(hanging head in shame) does half the jar of horseradish on a roast beef sandwich count?

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 12

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/6/2005 3:10:15 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

my passive aggressive thing as silly as it seems , was to put glitter on my body when i knew he hated it(prolly cause he was lying about being married, and afraid his wife would see all the glitter) sooooo ooops i forgot alot once i figured out his lie, i was a glitterella.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 13

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/6/2005 6:25:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
Probably MORE likely. But I am paying and I expect to get some later.

SCORE!!! Dinner AND sex!!!

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 14

RE: I can't be the only one ? - 12/6/2005 12:43:35 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

LOL! Not nearly as much as I used to

once I FINALLY got it thru my head the only one I was hurting by being petty was ME. He never noticed (or rather never acknowledged) but *I* was disappointed with myself & felt guilty about it.

Now it's alot easier to just say something about it & get it over with

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

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