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LadyPact -> RE: Casual play and possible issues. (10/6/2008 12:41:56 PM)
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Dang, that was a mouthful. I almost want to ask how long it took you to write all that up. I hope I can answer it all. Here goes.
I'm part of a D/D couple. In My view, that means we're automatically going to play outside the relationship. I actually did that before My husband expressed interest in being a Dominant himself. He put in some time as the vanilla partner there for a while. He just happened to be married to a female Dominant who had subs. That part is starting to sound really confusing, so maybe I'd better go back to the direct questions.
When I was first getting back into the lifestyle a few years ago, My husband and I did things a bit differently than we do today. He went on all of the first meets. He talked with all of the prospects with Me. He'd accompany Me and watch all of My scenes. He'd get to know everyone I played with. We had an established set of rules for how things worked for when I played. Yes, he did have veto power if there was someone that didn't mesh well for whatever reason.
Once the time came that he wanted to start topping as well, we translated those rules to cover both of us. Just like him, I have veto power, should I need to use it. I met the people he played with. That wasn't so much for My own satisfaction, but more because in My experience, a married male Dominant has a little more trouble finding play partners than a married female Dominant. The bottoms he plays with usually want to meet Me and verify that the whole thing has My blessing. Sometimes, I'd catch parts of the times he played. Usually, I was too busy playing Myself.
During this time, I had submissives, rather than just bottoms. That's about the time clip came along. He's been collared to Me for almost a year. He knew coming in that I had other people that I played with. As My submissive, no, he doesn't get any approval/disapproval option. I allow him to offer an opinion, but I don't have to abide by it. I will allow him to play with people I approve of, but not those I don't. I'm kind of picky about who plays with My sub. It has to be someone with some decent topping skills and I am absolutely involved in the negotiations. I make it a point to be there if he should be playing with someone else. We haven't yet run into the situation where he's played with someone else where I'm not involved.
This was all well and good until My husband got orders to deploy to Korea. We had to revamp all of the rules and the way we do things. At first, he preferred that I only play with people he had already met, but we ran into situations where that just wasn't possible. I do talk with him while he's half a world away and try to tell him in advance if there's someone I've met who I'm interested in playing with. If it's someone who has a profile here, he checks them out.
You asked specifically about sex, so I'm going to make a quick mention of that. No, I don't have sex with casual play partners. That's part of the original agreement between My husband and I that's still in tact.
I'm sure this is a bit different because we are in different situations, OP, but I hope it answers some of the questions.
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