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Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/6/2008 8:08:13 PM   
MasterSteve57


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		I recently had a scene with a sub lady who was unique in my experience. She wanted rough play way beyond anything I'd ever dished out. No matter what I did she kept whispering "more, more".

I'm a very stable, well-balanced person. I have no anger or other mental problems. But in this kind of scene it seems that events can quickly spin out of control. The interplay between our two fantasies can become extremely intoxicating.

Despite the fact that the whole scene was completely consentual, I had to stop and take a deep breath several times to keep things this side of sane.

Can anyone suggest ways that I might keep things more under control? It falls entirely to me as her desires seem endless...

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/6/2008 8:39:48 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		It seems like you did a fine job of it ..why change?

BadOne


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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/6/2008 8:53:37 PM   
MasterBowline


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		One thought that comes to mind is that in the mode you described...she was kind of topping from the bottom.  If she is telling you "more, more" it sounds like she is running the show.  (i must say it sounds like you were having the time of your life and I"m sure not going to fault you for that).  But she was definitely in her comfort zone if she is pushing for rough stuff that confidently.  Perhaps you need to probe more to find out where the lines are in terms of comfort zone and areas that are a challenge to her.  Then you can keep things balanced on that line....she may find it interesting too as it may be more challenging for her, thus pushing her limits even further.   Just a thought. Regards, Bowline

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/6/2008 9:57:08 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Negotiate limits when everyone's clothes are on.  Then, if she "orders" you past those limits while in subspace, say no, and do something you enjoy that is within bounds.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/7/2008 9:19:45 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Despite the fact that the whole scene was completely consentual, I had to stop and take a deep breath several times to keep things this side of sane.

Sounds to me like you did just fine. Despite the intoxication of ever increasing passions, you did take moments to take a breath and make sure you were still under control. No matter how far you go, as long as you continue to do that, you will be fine.

As to the suggestion that she was topping from the bottom, I see it a little differently. She was informing you she could be pushed further. I never have a problem listening to the desires of my slave; we both understand it is up to me whether I will grant them or not.

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/7/2008 9:32:05 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

Can anyone suggest ways that I might keep things more under control? It falls entirely to me as her desires seem endless...


There seems to be a paradox when we are talking about rough sex.  As a ethical person... you do not what a sitaution to devolve into chaotic state were something harmful or significantly bad occurs.  However, it's that sense of chaos and out of control that gets the excitment going.

It's a difficult line to maintain that control... but still sense of chaos.   You had a great experience it would seem... and you obviously want to do it again and maybe even more so... yeah... I get a sense of concern, hense the reason you posted.  But.. what you do ... is do it again... and again and again.  Taking slow steps... trying something alittle different here and there.  Keep in mind... it's not one step forward and then another and another.  It could be two steps forward one back or side ways.  

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/7/2008 10:47:38 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		As a masochist who is usually on the other side of your equation (metaphorically speaking, of course!) I would definitely advise caution.  I love rough sex - the rougher the better.  But it's so easy to get caught up in the moment, with the physical and mental sensations that turn sensible thought into sheer animal passion.  

In my case, my mouth often tries to write cheques that my body can't cash... In a recent play, I kept begging my Top for more, and he did give me more, but then stopped.  I wanted even more, but couldn't have it and was disappointed.  But the following morning I realised that he was totally correct to stop when he did - I've never had so many bruises and marks, and never felt so tired, achey and tender as I did that morning.  It took a week to recover fully.

I relied on my Top to safeguard my health, which he did by saying no.  If you find yourself unable to say no when she is pleading for more...invest in a gag!



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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/9/2008 3:12:24 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		As long as you keep asking yourself if you might be going too far, your doing just fine. Keep questioning yourself. I do, every time.

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/9/2008 6:08:44 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Your the Top..  Many many subs just cann't or wouldn't stop themselfs in time not to go to the hospital.  Part of your job is to make that decision for them..and make it stick too..when they no longer can see their true limits..You  did your Job..don't second guess your self on this.....Huntertn

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RE: Maintaining Self-Control During Rough Sex... - 10/9/2008 6:19:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You discuss it afterwards and see if she really could have taken more or if she was at her limit but didn't realize it. If she wasn't too sore or hurt to manage the next day then you know that the next time you can go a little further. Followed by talking about that and so on.

You can't know where the line is without slowly ramping up to it. Well yeah, you can, but only if you don't mind feeling like a creep afterwards when she's missing work, etc and won't see you again.

One thing I will say, is that stopping has to be the top's responsibility when the bottom doesn't signal them to. Simply because we can take a lot in subspace that turns out afterwards was too much. And I personally respect a dom who stops short in order to make sure his sub is okay later on instead of indulging himself without caring about what shape she'll be in the next day.

Next time can always be rougher. But if it turns out to be too rough this time, there's no back button to undo damage.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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