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hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Domme Dilemma (10/7/2008 5:23:18 PM)
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i'm a little dense, is it 4 hours there and another 4 back, or 2 and 2?
if i had an open window of time, i'd probably drive 2 hours and pay it no mind just to have dinner with you and have no concern of play or relationship developments simply because it would be a nice way to spend a night. i'd also drive 4 hours to see you or some other people i've become familiar and fond of than drive 30 mins to see some of the local scaries that live in louisville. if i had such freedom to hop away from home and work, i'd also probably drive several states just to get a hug from shakti, or to do some housework for bsb without expecting... and perhaps in some perspective not even wanting anything more in return than one more pleasant conversation to which we've already had, as well as the chance to see them with my own eyes and hear their voice in person.
knowing how i feel, and trying to understand how you two feel, if i were you, i would go have dinner. if you think you need to make clear to him that what the night will include is limited to the confines of your restaurant table in order to be sure he knows exactly what he can expect from his efforts, i'd tell him so when you gave him your yes or no reply. i figure, it sounds like you and him have something to tell each other whether it be 'good or bad or even goodbye', and i'd think having the opportunity to speak face to face about it would be a good thing.
as far as calling someone a liar... there are many times to avoid lying and remain as honest as i can, i simply tell them nothing other than 'i do not want to say'. in that regard i see him and me to be similar in how we either remain honest, or are seen as deceitful by others; the difference is apparently in 'what' we hide. for example, in the past if someone were to ask about my sex life, out of embarrasment to both men and women i often would not tell people how many partners i have had sex with, though telling the truth often enough got me called a liar anyway~ i'm an honest person, but not exactly the most open; i'm one of the sorts who is going to take more than 3 licks to get to the center.
but i can't seem to understand the reasoning in hiding the things he has, a wife and child are not embarrassments, or something to be shameful of, or things that should be difficult or make a person uneasy to talk about. coupled with the logic that in a relationship you're supposed to be open and grow closer together, and that this relationship has a more than respectable timeline in which to do so... there comes a point when the hiding of knowledge is just as deceitful as blatantly lying.
even with my habit of silence, the closer i get to people in a relationship, the more comfortable i am about bringing the secrets of me to air, i begin to want them to know. that's how i've always thought things should be.
where i don't see him and me relating is... pretty much every human being in the world even when not knowing english, and especially we keeping in touch over a time period of 6 years is bound to at some point ask, 'what have you been up to?' or 'so, anything new in your life' and if the answer to that is 'nothing' rather than 'i got married and have a daughter' he's not able to say he's just withholding the answer, that really is just lying.
it seems like he's treating you as his 'mistress' by the definition of vanilla dictionaries, keeping both women of his life secret and hidden from the other.
so i imagine you have much to talk about, and much you already have; a night out somewhere for dinner would be a dandy place to continue such a conversation in my opinion, unless you think the conversation will cross the bounds of being civilized.
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