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RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 8:44:01 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

to the OP:

The following is off the top of my head. I have not thought it out for a long period of time or made a venn diagram or anything.
***********
Generally speaking, a Master/Mistress is the one who leads in a dominance and submission relationship.

The nature of that relationship, the details, are between the two (or more) people involved.

The reason it is so hard to speak the answer is because what is one person's act of violence is another person's kink. FOR ME, the difference is this... does the person's intent include harming me? Deliberately hurting me in a way that is harmful or scarring to my emotional, physical, or psychological health? Yes? That's abuse.

Does the person have control over their actions? If not, then abuse may be occuring without their thought out intention, but harming me is from a place of passion *as in anger.* The harm is still abuse.

As kytten said, follow your gut. It will never steer you wrong. BUT YOU must choose to listen to it.

well wishes,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 21

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 8:53:03 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy

Some of you are rude. Its good I have a thick skin. I asked a simple question. Any jerk can claim to be a Master, Dom, Dominant, Alpha, or Sir. What I said was that most based their claims on sexual dominance alone. That is just being a kink master to me; if it floats your boat, fine, but that seems like someone I would, in a vanilla world, say was simply "good in bed".

What you said was that the kink relationships of most of the people on this site were based on some form of BS, and equated that with them being abusers, as opposed to your ephemeral 'True Dom' and 'positive control' which you couldn't even define....

" ...It seems that most here are into just sexual dominance, or some other kind of BS control, and not into positive control. How would I as a newbie know if someone is a true Master, or a potential abuser? "

and now you are whining about the 'rudeness' of others?

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 22

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 8:55:55 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy

Some of you are rude. Its good I have a thick skin. I asked a simple question. Any jerk can claim to be a Master, Dom, Dominant, Alpha, or Sir. What I said was that most based their claims on sexual dominance alone. That is just being a kink master to me; if it floats your boat, fine, but that seems like someone I would, in a vanilla world, say was simply "good in bed".

Just like any jerk can claim to be a submissive, a switch or a slave. Though frankly, that isn't always the case. Try looking at that person as a person before seeing if they would be a "true" master. You have a little internal voice we all call instinct........use it.

The gist of the matter is we all use our own personal ideals to gauge what a true Master is according to what the individual wants and seeks in another. What my definition will not be MasterFireMaam's definition nor is her definition be Jefff's or Kyttyn's.

_____________________________

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(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 23

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 8:56:11 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

there is no such thing as a true sub or true dom ...what you seek is someone that has compatible views on D/s and play style, morals etc as you have

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 24

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 9:23:59 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Here is a far out thought to ponder on.

Maybe a `Master` is really a sub who is strong enough to follow.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 25

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 9:25:49 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Well since you asked....... me....:)

Jeffwey

No ME!!! As I was reading the post I was thinking she has it all wrong. I am master of my universe.

It's a sick world and I'm a happy man.
BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 26

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 9:39:14 PM

faithbunny

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy

Argh, I give up. I am not excluding sexual dominance at all. All I am asking is, is that all there is to being a master??

Since you already know that a sub/slave's needs determine what sort of master they need, I'm assuming you want to know what being a true master means to us as individuals.

To me, a true master respects my limits while always gently pushing them. He makes me feel safe, yet he's made me well aware of the consequences if I displease him. He is pleased that I am an independent woman, while he guides me in life, in little ways and big. He loves me and takes care of me, and he lets me love him and take care of him.

There's probably more, but I'm sleepy and my brain is shutting down for the night.

~faith

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 27

RE: what is a true master? - 10/7/2008 10:35:24 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

That's because control on a BDSM-focused websites is going to largely be centered on sexuality, kink, and the fulfillment of fantasies as opposed to a relationship dynamic of strong leadership without the bells and whistles attached to it.

hey hey now... I resemble that remark.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 28

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 1:03:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Like Aileen, I love being sexually dominated. No BS there for me.

What do you need to be in a good relationship? Because what you need is what will make a good relationship for you. Which is probably quite different than what defines a good relationship for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 29

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 2:50:15 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

There's no greater danger of you finding a dangerous abuser on here than there is in your local bar or church, people are people and there are assholes everywhere.
Look at the posts and friends on a profile, no friends, why not? No picture, defintely not, rambling, hostile, off his head with hate posts and nothing else, look elsewhere. No posts, no friends and no picture, be wary.

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 30

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 4:55:10 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I haven't cut off and kept the cunt lips of a submissive as a trophy in years, you are pretty safe now.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 31

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 4:55:26 PM

belovedfairy

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/10/2008
Status: offline

Let me try this one more time. I did not intend to insult anyone's kink. Not at all. I may have chosen my words badly. What I was referring to is the oft discussed difference between dominance, sexual or otherwise, and being domineering. if my wording is acceptable, then what I wish to say is that many so called Masters, doms, dominants, sirs, lords and alphas on this site seem to be about being domineering, and THAT to me is BS.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 32

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 5:11:41 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy
Look at the posts and friends on a profile, no friends, why not?

Because when the added the friends feature earlier this year, it smacked too much of "myspace" and I chose not to participate in that little popularity contest.

quote:

No picture, defintely not,

Well, fiddlefuck, I hope Kirk doesn't regret meeting me, as I have no pic on my profile.

quote:

rambling, hostile

I've been accused of that.

quote:

off his head with hate posts and nothing else, look elsewhere.

The jury is still out on that.

quote:

No posts, no friends and no picture, be wary.

As Meatloaf says, "two out of three ain't bad".

Guess I'm not a true anything. *turns away and bites knuckles, choking back a sob*

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 33

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 5:19:09 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Cali? does this mean you don't exist?? Then who'd I meet?

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 34

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 5:21:05 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Cali? does this mean you don't exist?? Then who'd I meet?

Yes Virginia there is a Cali....
i know she's real and so are her boobies*g*

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 35

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 5:22:51 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I know she's real too.. and her boobies are real.. just like you and yours *grin*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 36

RE: what is a true master? - 10/8/2008 5:24:40 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy
Look at the posts and friends on a profile, no friends, why not? No picture, defintely not, rambling, hostile, off his head with hate posts and nothing else, look elsewhere. No posts, no friends and no picture, be wary.

Seriously? Lots, if not most of the Dominants I've spoken with have never posted. I don't believe in the My Space-like 'friends' option - I'm not 18. And no picture? Pfft... as long as he or she is willing to share after emailing a few times, it's all good.

OP ... let me see if I understand. You don't like 'domineering' men. You want a Dominant. I'm not sure if you want sex or not ... but whatever floats your boat - there are those with non-sexual D/s relationships. (but really, if you haven't been sexually dominated, I'd highly suggest trying it one day ... you may not know what you're missing!) The important thing is that you talk, talk and talk some more with the person before making any sort of commitment. Email, move to chat, move to the phone, meet in person. Get to know that person. Use your judgment and your gut instinct to tell whether that guy is a jerk. It's really not that difficult, and isn't any different from vanilla dating.

The bigger, much more difficult question for me was figuring out what type of Dominant I needed to meet my needs. And that meant a lot of self-discovery, which perhaps is the place for you to begin.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 37

RE: what is a true master? - 10/9/2008 6:10:14 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Aileen and Celeste now you know why I like both of you. For the rest of you women playing hard to get pay attention to these two women.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 38

RE: what is a true master? - 10/9/2008 8:21:51 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I haven't cut off and kept the cunt lips of a submissive as a trophy in years, you are pretty safe now.

You told me that was beef jerky!!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 39

RE: what is a true master? - 10/9/2008 8:44:19 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

no friends? bah! that is no measure of anything... I choose only to add people I actually know... I get several requests daily from people I don't know and will likely never know...

a profile is NO way to tell if someone is dangerous...

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

There's no greater danger of you finding a dangerous abuser on here than there is in your local bar or church, people are people and there are assholes everywhere.
Look at the posts and friends on a profile, no friends, why not? No picture, defintely not, rambling, hostile, off his head with hate posts and nothing else, look elsewhere. No posts, no friends and no picture, be wary.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 40

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