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Morniel -> RE: Help or suggestions training My husband (12/27/2008 11:25:08 AM)
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Stop "punishing" or "correcting" his behaviour by using erotic methods, and instead correct responsibly. For instance, the only reason I can see to make him wear his ankle cuffs, is that he failed to properly clean them after they were last used. Wearing his ankle cuffs because he dusted the living room improperly, is simply ridiculous, and if he *likes* his cuffs, encourages the OPPOSITE of what you want -- that is, you're actually REWARDING the undesireable behaviour.
So your first task is to wake up and separate "erotic play" from "correction and discipline." If he fails to dust the living room properly, then stand him in a corner -- or give him extra chores such as detailing the car upholstry -- or ground him from novel reading or internet use -- AND -- ask him why he failed to perform, because there may be a damn good reason. If one of the children is throwing up every 30 minutes, that isn't going to leave your boi with a hell of a lot of time for doing anything besides cleaning up the barf and comforting the child, now is it? Remember too, the best "punishment" for most submissives is something along the lines of "Man, I am SO disappointed in you!!" with the appropriate facial expression.
Your next task might be to list exactly what is to be done, each day, and detail how to do it. For instance :
Monday -- Clean Living Room... Pick up and put away clutter. Dust and put away books, magazines, games, and DVDs. Use a Pledge-wipe to dust all surfaces, vertical and horizontal, and pick up and dust under all knicknacks and other display items. Plump all the furniture cushions. Vacuum the upholstery. Vacuum the floor, and empty the trash basket.
That way, you are SURE your boi knows what you expect, and if he forgets or the kids get crazy, he can simply look at his checklist and be sure he DID do all his things for that room. Think about the days you've had to stay home with the children -- didn't they have the potential to make you just flat out crazy? Well, your boi is with them daily, it would be amazing if he didn't lose track, get tired, or feel rebellious -- and since he obviously cannot take out these feelings on the children, he possibly skimps on his household or gardening chores instead.
Which leads to part three -- He may feel unappreciated, unloved, or ignored; he may feel that his efforts around the house and with the children aren't being noticed by you, so in order to get your attention, he is acting out. He may not even be aware that he is, but hey, he DID get you to notice something! So be willing to discuss this possibility with him, and if this is indeed the case, rethink YOUR position as the dominant partner, and be damned sure you DO appreciate your boi. It isn't all about you -- It's about the two of you as a COUPLE, and the two of you as parents in a FAMILY.
And above all, it can't be said often enough, don't mix erotic BDSM play with correction and discipline outside the bedroom, or you defeat your own purpose. No matter how unpleasant the erotic "punishment" may be, it still has a positive element, because he's pleasing you, and that may be a turn on to him, and so on, in a circle, so that he continues to misbehave.
Hope that helps some.
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