RE: Is there a need for Verification

RE: Is there a need for Verification (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 7:08:05 AM)
quote: Id say Im steady enough to be impartial...but who would believe me? right now I still have people wondering if the address I give them for a munch in a public place is really just a contrived party of two and my attempt to kidnapp them...there is just way to much paranoia amoung people who supposedly have reflected long and hard about who they are and what they want out of life...D/s folks were supposed to be more mature I thought :-p I stopped going to the munches completly because the person who ran them gave out my phone number and address to someone without my permission. Why did they have my phone number and address? This was a group who took the time to make sure that every person in their group WAS real. I had belonged to this group for almost 3 years before I quit, and this was the first time they had betrayed my confidence ( that's is how I looked at it ). I understand, and actually do agree that munches are a wonderful way to meet people face to face, ...a good way of 'verifying' who they are...but at the same time, they can backfire. /shrug

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 7:58:47 AM)
Is this "validation" strictly for individuals who are looking for someone to scene with, or is it supposed to answer all the questions about those who participate in every variation of the "alternative-power-dynamic" ways of life? If "validation" were only available for folks who participate in the local BDSM scene, a lot of really outstanding people would be cut out of the "valid" lineup -- people who don't scene, or aren't "group oriented" for one reason or another, but who are -very- real people, and quite skilled at what they do. Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl Munches and local events in your area is a good indicater of some one willing to meet offline = ) Could always ask at the get go "are you willing to meet at a munch?"

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 8:01:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I understand, and actually do agree that munches are a wonderful way to meet people face to face, ...a good way of 'verifying' who they are...but at the same time, they can backfire. /shrug We've been doing this a long time, but doing it in our own way. Other folks in the same situation or who make similar choices might not ever -meet- the individuals who would "validate" the way that we live. I don't know how many people could accurately judge the perspective that we have on this lifestyle, since I've seen only a very few who look at it from the perspective that we do. We participate with -individuals- in the local scene, but don't participate in group activities. We don't publically scene, and have found most of the "educational events" to be on topics that aren't really relevant to our lives. We're much more likely to attend a Financial Planning event than a munch, or to attend a lecture series on Zoroastrian Symbolism or gene cleaning for vector insertion, a poetry reading, or kareoke than to attend a play party. The only way that someone might find me at a scene event these days is if I were working with a group on or presenting on topics that I know something about (but that aren't covered much in most BDSM groups that I've seen) like intergroup dynamics and "clique prevention", creating a non-profit organization, writing a business plan, long-term ownership as a business model vs. a spiritual/social model, or maybe on the historical link between mental/physical challenges, pain, and spiritual growth, alternative healing in the BDSM scene, the naturopathic BDSM "First Aid" kit -- or if I were presiding over a collaring/wedding ceremony. My mate might attend for social reasons every couple of years. She tends to be a lot more social than I am, with my monastic background. I think groups are great, depending on what you're looking for -- but not everything that people are looking to get out of this lifestyle fits well with what is available in current group environments. For some folks, they may also live in a place where the choices are -so- limited as to be virtually non-existent (or may be truly non-existant... 6 hours is a long way to travel for a munch, unless you've got lots of money for gas and hotels!) How would a validation system based on verification from individuals in local groups do them any good? Lady Zephyr

IrishMist -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 8:10:01 AM)
quote: How would a validation system based on verification from individuals in local groups do them any good? Excellent point. In the long run it would only validate them to their own little 'group', and not the community at large.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 8:14:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeepWaters right now I still have people wondering if the address I give them for a munch in a public place is really just a contrived party of two and my attempt to kidnapp them... A suggestion on this dilemma that we've found to be quite useful... We meet at a public and relatively well-frequented restaurant in our neighborhood. My mate and almost always go to these together, and we meet at one of the more popular coffeehouse/restaurants in our city -- someplace that the other person -knows- is going to have people around all the time. If we get stood up, we have a great cup of coffee, or something delicious to eat. If we get company, we have a nice discussion over good, healthy food. We do our second meeting this way as well... that way, if there is any discomfort, we can get it out of the way early. We -never- pick up the person we're meeting... that way, if we or -they- want to leave, anyone who needs or wants to is free to go... and they are encouraged to make any arrangements that make them feel comfortable as far as who knows where they are, etc. Lady Zephyr

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Is there a need for Verification (12/8/2005 9:35:38 AM)
uh Drinks Anyone i want to say i do not march to anyones drum. i am my own person unique and seperate i love it that way. i do not look for validation from anyone. when i did it was always negitive. so i learned this lesson the hard way. learn to be [&:]you and give to you. be open and honest to others. if you offend someone for being you so be it. life is not about being what others want you to be its being what you were ment to be. happy doing what you love to do. that does not mean going out of your way to hurt others. it means being someone that inspires people to be better then. namaste

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