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a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:15:15 AM

dangerousangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/12/2008
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The thread about bdsm without sex got me thinking, and I'd love other's opinions.

What do you mean when you say non-sexual BDSM? Do you mean without the sex act? Without any sexual response? Without sexual desire?

If the top or bottom responds sexually to a non-sexual act (beating, housework, whatever) is that sexual or non-sexual BDSM?

I've been curious about this a long time. WHen people talk about non-sexual bdsm, they generally mean "there's no genital contact." But they don't bring up the idea of sexual responses, from non-gential contact.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:23:00 AM

CalifChick

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From: California
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I know people that are in a D/s or M/s relationship where it is strictly a service and learning relationship. There is no sexual contact, and in some of them, there is no bondage or sadomasochism or anything of the sort. That's what I mean when I say "not all BDSM is sexual." I have no idea if anyone in these relationships gets sexually excited from housework (although if they do, they can come get excited at my house any day!).

Cali

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(in reply to dangerousangel)

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:23:08 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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When I say 'non-sexual', I mean that I do not have intercourse, fondle, give or receive oral, masturbate, etc., with my servants.

I do not control whether or not the servant is aroused by what we are doing -- but I do let the servant know that xhe needs to have a channel for that arousal that doesn't include physical intimacy/sex when dealing with me.

For myself, I feel the power and energy of the experience when participating, but I suspect that it is because of particular training that I've had, and a particular aversion to intimacy with anyone who is not in a certain relationship with me that would have to develop -in addition- to a play or D/s relationship, I tend to channel the energy evoked during scening or control of a servant into other areas than sex (meditation, writing, etc., for me).

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/8/2008 10:30:17 AM >

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:27:55 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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For me, non sexual BDSM means no genital or sexual contact, no oral, no sexual responses including erection or orgasms. This does not negate kissing and cuddling as these can be non sexual anyway. I kiss and hug my friends without sexual connotations.

Non sexual BDSM to me is either a cathartic, learning or service exercise. It can still be intimate and include or exclude love or affection, but no turn ons.

the.dark.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:38:37 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dangerousangel

What do you mean when you say non-sexual BDSM? Do you mean without the sex act? Without any sexual response? Without sexual desire?

When I hear about a non-sexual BDSM relationship, I generally think of a service oriented power exchange relationship, and personally know of many such relationships that exist. However, non-sexual BDSM may also include non-sexual bondage or S/M. Many people I know or have owned engaged in such activities, simply to enjoy the activity itself without any sexual component whatsoever.

quote:

If the top or bottom responds sexually to a non-sexual act (beating, housework, whatever) is that sexual or non-sexual BDSM?

I cannot divine the unspoken thoughts or feelings of everyone engaged in service oriented relationships. But for those with whom I have spoken, they simply enjoy the service itself, absent any sexual component. Is it possible that some do have an unspoken sexual component? Sure.

quote:

I've been curious about this a long time. WHen people talk about non-sexual bdsm, they generally mean "there's no genital contact." But they don't bring up the idea of sexual responses, from non-gential contact.

Is it possible to elicit a sexual response with non-genital contact? Sure. But if I were to allow a friend to bind my girl (which I have done in the past) because I don't have the interest in or patience for rope bondage, I can assure you there's nothing sexual going on. They're both enjoying rope bondage.

John

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Post #: 5

RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:42:33 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
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Non- sexual BDSM to me is having a sadomaso session where my spouse hurts me and gets me to an endorphine high. When so, the farthest thing from my mind is sexual arousal or anything of that nature.

We are one of those few people who don't involve sex into play.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 6

RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 10:50:48 AM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
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From: The Ghost Matrix
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So, if I'm understanding this right...non-sexual BDSM can either be torture (albeit, not in a bad way) or...having an unpaid intern? Man, I gotta get me some servants! I can train them in such acts of deviancy like dusting and taking out the garbage! It'll be just like some kinky erotic novel, except it won't be kinky or erotic!

-Tabris

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:01:56 AM

subtee

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That's correct and I think you're starting to understand. Some service submissives are exactly as you describe; there is no sex, they perform services such as dusting and taking out the garbage. Do you understand now?

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:23:20 AM

tweedydaddy

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The main genital organ in human beings is the brain. You cannot exclude mental arousal. I postulate that non sexual BDSM is a misnomer.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:24:38 AM

subtee

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You can postulate that for yourself. You can't speak for others for whom non-sexual BDSM is a reality.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:26:01 AM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
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From: The Ghost Matrix
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Wow! Move over, illegal immigrants! You've got stiff competition!

Edit: Er...that's in response to...y'know, the service submissives thing...should of hit the quote button...

-Tabris

< Message edited by TabrisMaceth -- 10/8/2008 11:27:04 AM >

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Post #: 11

RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:26:48 AM

subtee

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Removed - Neverminded

< Message edited by subtee -- 10/8/2008 11:27:31 AM >

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:32:58 AM

dangerousangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/12/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

That's correct and I think you're starting to understand. Some service submissives are exactly as you describe; there is no sex, they perform services such as dusting and taking out the garbage. Do you understand now?

I think the problem I have is that in my personal schema, tasks such as housecleaning, taking out the garbage, etc, if done under someone's hand, have a highly erotic charge.

Hearing other's takes, and experiences is very much helping me get my brain around people who -don't- get hot from the sheer -idea- of belonging to somone :)

< Message edited by dangerousangel -- 10/8/2008 11:33:55 AM >

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:35:01 AM

thishereboi

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When I go to a public party and play with someone, whether it is needles or spanking, I don't get sexually aroused, so no, it's not about sex at all times. When I was living with my Mistress and doing housework, yardwork, shopping and such, there was no sexual arousement mantal or otherwise. Not about sex.

Now when my Mistress had me kidnapped by several women and tied up and fisted......Oh Yea....That was all about sex and it was great.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:35:39 AM

subtee

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And that's very cool; I'm glad you posted.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:40:58 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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quote:

I kiss and hug my friends

you kiss your friends???

HI FRIEND

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:46:14 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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When he says "Honey, how many stamps do I need for this letter?" there is nothing erotic about saying 2 if there are five pages or more.

Equally when he says "It's going to rain, leave the hoodie and get your raincoat" it's also nonsexual.

In the first, I'm saving him waiting on line at the post office to get it weighed and in the second he's still telling me what to do. Unfortunately there's nothing erotic about either of these.

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 11:56:39 AM

lemmebeYourMine

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Hmm, to the post of playing with needles etc, and not being aroused. IF needles weren't a hard limit, I think just allowing myself to be subjected to such treatments by another, would turn me on. But then what do I know, I'm a nympho, Everything that can be is about the sex, lol.

and I am not secretly a guy, fyi.

Lemmebe.

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Post #: 18

RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 12:15:22 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dangerousangel

What do you mean when you say non-sexual BDSM?

Someone submitting to another's dominance. Serving someone in non-sexual ways, without sexual arousal or the act of sex.

quote:

Do you mean without the sex act? Without any sexual response? Without sexual desire?

Yes. Yes. and Yes.

quote:

If the top or bottom responds sexually to a non-sexual act (beating, housework, whatever) is that sexual or non-sexual BDSM?

I would consider that "sexual". But that's not to say that everyone will have a sexual response to every non-sexual act with every partner, in every relatioship.

quote:

I've been curious about this a long time. WHen people talk about non-sexual bdsm, they generally mean "there's no genital contact." But they don't bring up the idea of sexual responses, from non-gential contact.

In my case, as I mentioned on the other thread, there was no sexual arousal or sexual response for me with this particular dom. The relationship did something else for me, that I really have a hard time describing and it's not something that I really want to share fully on the boards. I'll say that it caused me get in touch with a different part of my submission, almost with a spiritual aspect of it that wasn't fed with or motivated by sex.

It was the only time I've ever experienced that type of thing, and I found it kind of odd myself. I was almost looking for the sexual arousal (in myself) to happen, as if it would evolve or something, but it just never did. It actually surprised me that I didn't feel that way, as I had had other ds relationships and all of them were sexual. I even tried to fantasize about him and what it would be like if he used me sexually, but it just did nothing for me, it didn't arouse me. I was basically indifferent to it. If he had used me that way, it would have been ok too, but I didn't yearn for it in the least. I served him in various ways, I was naked before him, whipped by him, disciplined by him, but it wasn't sexual in any way, shape or form. Yet I found as much fulfillment in my submission to him as I have with other doms with whom there was sex.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 10/8/2008 12:23:29 PM >

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RE: a follow up on non-sexual bdsm - 10/8/2008 12:21:04 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

I kiss and hug my friends

you kiss your friends???

HI FRIEND

Don't you? I have had the blessing of kissing a few here... but I don't tell...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 20

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