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RE: Need some advice - 10/8/2008 2:52:51 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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I am so sorry for your loss
I wish you peace, as well

suicide makes a death even more difficult to greive and move through. Please seek out a support group with others who have lost loved ones due to suicide.

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Post #: 21

RE: Need some advice - 10/8/2008 11:21:28 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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I am very sorry for your loss, I lost a mother to suicide when I was a teen ... and I spent years afterward living with guilt thinking "what if" and as a result wasted a lot of years beating myself up over the guilt I felt over something I had no control over and there never really allow to properly grieve her loss as I was focused on my own feelings..which is a form of selfishness in it own right ...her pain was hers even if you had not introduced her to rope she would have found another way to escape this world because that was what she want ....you could not have stopped it...so accept that and let go of the guilt ..it serves no purpose other than to prevent you from truly grieving her loss and will stifle your own life and prevent you from moving on in a healthy way

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RE: Need some advice - 10/10/2008 2:48:05 PM

xxblushesxx

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Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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HoneyMaster wishes me to express His condolences, and to reiterate that in no way is this your fault. He says that if someone wants to commit suicide that they will find a way to do it.
You need to make peace with yourself, and to forgive your friend. You both deserve more.

(((((hugs)))))

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RE: Need some advice - 10/10/2008 3:07:32 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
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First off, my condolences on your loss.

In my life I have had periods of depression and just wanted to kill myself. In fact, so much I thought of many ways to accomplish it and it consumed my thoughts. Thankfully, I did not go through with it.

You can't blame yourself for the actions of your friend. Take time to honor and grieve the person she was.

Do what subtee and the others have said.

I wish you well.

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RE: Need some advice - 10/11/2008 3:38:48 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Actually, the reverse is true. She had issues that caused her to end her life. You gave her friendship and happiness, and may well have prolonged her life with that gift.

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RE: Need some advice - 10/11/2008 9:59:01 PM

pixidustpet

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Joined: 6/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRopist

I just arrived home from a memorial service for my friend. This is the issue.... My friend committed suicide by hanging. I just found out the method at the memorial. Now this is a friend I had introduced bondage to in recent times and she had never considered it to be a form of pleasure due to conservative up-bringing. After finding this out I about got up and left because I feel if I hadn't introduced her to rope play, that this would not have happened. This was not an accident and I feel partly responsible. Am I?

i have a cousin. he came home 26 years ago this winter and his mother, my aunt, was trying to load the shotgun and couldnt manage it. she told him it was to run off the dogs (not kill, just scare them) that kept coming around. there *were* dogs that kept coming around, a feral bunch of them. so he showed her how to do it, made sure she could do it herself, and went about the rest of the evening. went to work the next morning.

she shot herself while he was at work. he had no idea she was going to do that. she didnt show any outward signs that she was in despair, although we saw looking backward all the things that avalanched down on her that final week.

it is no more my cousin's fault that my aunt decided to shoot herself than it is your fault that your friend took her own life. it doesnt matter if you had taught her to tie a hangman's knot, if you didnt put it round her neck, you had no fault there. she chose to take her own life, you did not force her to.

i am sorry you are hurting. loosing someone you care about is hard, dealing with this sort of guilt is terrible on top of it.

kitten

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RE: Need some advice - 10/11/2008 10:08:55 PM

PanthersMom

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Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
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i'm so sorry for your loss. suicide leaves more unanswered questions than the person who commits it could ever imagine. i am sure your friend would tell you that you had nothing to do with it, that one way or another she would have found a way. anyone can tie a knot, you're not at fault.
PM

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RE: Need some advice - 10/11/2008 11:14:41 PM

Durus

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Joined: 7/9/2007
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Rope play isn't something that I'm expert at yet I think I could stll manage to hang myself. Grief can cause guilt and guilt does not respond well to reason but it wasn't your fault.

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Post #: 28