Newbie seeks help! (Full Version)

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nd601 -> Newbie seeks help! (10/8/2008 7:54:10 PM)

After lurking for a long time, I finally decided to take the plunge and put up a complete profile. This is the first time I've done anything online, so I was wondering if some of you ladies could take a pity on a hapless novice and provide some direction? I primarily seek dommes or switches-leaning-on-their-domme side, so this forum seems to be my target audience.

-- My profile - I'd love to hear general comments on content, and ways I can improve.

-- I seek a relationship that is extremely normal on the surface, but with a highly twisted bedroom life, focussed mainly on S&M. I do not wish to sub in r/l, or give control over everyday aspects of my life to my partner - I grovel to no one, unless I desire to. Am I being unrealistic in expecting such a relationship? if I seek someone who calls herself a 'domme', does that necessarily include dominance in all aspects of a relationship?

-- I'm a little confused by all these terms - sub, switch, slave, mistress, top, bottom, master, etc - and find it a bit frustrating. I'm not sure where exactly I fit in, or whether I even want to stereotype myself as one of these quantities.. is there a resource I can access to read about these things and better understand their differences?

Maybe some of the answers to these questions are elementary, but I would very much appreciate responses. Thanks in advance :)











TNstepsout -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/8/2008 8:27:45 PM)

I think you have a good profile. Well done. You paint a picture of who you are and what you are all about and really give the reader something to get to know you with.

What you seek is not out of the realm of possibility. My suggestion would be to look for a local live group with activities you can attend to get to know people. Sometimes it's easier to dip your toe in the water in real life and get a better sense of what the variety of terms means.

It's Ok if you don't know where you fit in. A lot of people don't, or when they figure it out, it's just as complicated as not knowing.



tweedydaddy -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 3:13:34 AM)

Your on here, that's half the battle, just keep thing simple for yourself and don't get too hung up on the terminology, have fun!



nd601 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 6:26:22 PM)

OK. So  it seems my profile needs work after all... So I emailed a few interesting prospects, and got one reply back. She seemed interesting, but my would-be paramour has just announced that she needs to go to Nigeria :(

So in my very first try,  I managed to attract a scam. Ladies, I really need those tips! Please, let me know how I can improve it. It's just going to take a minute of your time.Think of it like doing one of those annoying site surveys, but more fun.







nd601 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 6:27:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I think you have a good profile. Well done. You paint a picture of who you are and what you are all about and really give the reader something to get to know you with.

What you seek is not out of the realm of possibility. My suggestion would be to look for a local live group with activities you can attend to get to know people. Sometimes it's easier to dip your toe in the water in real life and get a better sense of what the variety of terms means.

It's Ok if you don't know where you fit in. A lot of people don't, or when they figure it out, it's just as complicated as not knowing.



Thanks for the feedback! That's another thing i'm planning to do; get active in the local community, just to get a feel of things.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 6:30:32 PM)

Um, dude, this question gets asked in this forum at least twice a week.  Click here:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/tm.htm




nd601 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 6:59:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Um, dude, this question gets asked in this forum at least twice a week.  Click here:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/tm.htm




Ah, that explains the ridiculous viewed/responded ratio.

Thanks! I was searching for something like that. Turns out the search function on this forum really sucks. Much appreciated.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 7:22:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nd601

Ah, that explains the ridiculous viewed/responded ratio.

Thanks! I was searching for something like that. Turns out the search function on this forum really sucks. Much appreciated.


You are welcome, but you might take a look at toning things down a bit.  I can't imagine too many people lining up to post on this thread if you keep up your current attitude.

Ridiculous ratio?  Have you looked at other threads to see how many hits produce x-many replies?  If not, what's up with this "ridiculous" word?  It sounds to me as though you expect responses because YOU ARE SPECIAL, instead of looking at the reality of # of people who read vs. # of people who post.  It seems kinda shrill.

The only thing you have demonstrated is that your ability to use the search function sucks.  I just typed "help profile" and ran a search and came up with a ton of hits that would be useful to you.  Not rocket science.  You seem a bit arrogant to me, in the not-so-attractive way.

Good luck.



UmbraDomina -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/9/2008 8:34:39 PM)

honestly after reading your OP and your profile, your looking for a bottom, someone who will top you when you tell them to, and otherwise have no interest in being a dominant.  Your being open and honest in your profile, now be open and honest with your search. Don't expect actual dominant females to jump at the chance to top you when you feel like it and allow it.



nd601 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/10/2008 5:48:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You are welcome, but you might take a look at toning things down a bit.  I can't imagine too many people lining up to post on this thread if you keep up your current attitude.

Ridiculous ratio?  Have you looked at other threads to see how many hits produce x-many replies?  If not, what's up with this "ridiculous" word?  It sounds to me as though you expect responses because YOU ARE SPECIAL, instead of looking at the reality of # of people who read vs. # of people who post.  It seems kinda shrill.



Well, it's not as if they were rushing to respond in the first place :p Ok, don't get mad, I'm just being facetious. My remark was meant to be tongue in cheek, and I never intended it to be abrasive, or to make it sound arrogant; ironically, in real life, if anything, people have accused me of being too nice.

quote:



The only thing you have demonstrated is that your ability to use the search function sucks.  I just typed "help profile" and ran a search and came up with a ton of hits that would be useful to you.  Not rocket science.  You seem a bit arrogant to me, in the not-so-attractive way.



Point taken - I didn't really do much of a search.

Can we put down this whole thing to the brashness of youth?





nd601 -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/10/2008 5:54:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

honestly after reading your OP and your profile, your looking for a bottom, someone who will top you when you tell them to, and otherwise have no interest in being a dominant.  Your being open and honest in your profile, now be open and honest with your search. Don't expect actual dominant females to jump at the chance to top you when you feel like it and allow it.


Thanks for the feedback. I'm suprised it gave that impression, because it's certainly not what I seek. Can you clarify/elaborate a bit? It sounds like you think I'm seeking to top from the bottom. This is definitely not my intention, and I'd like to know what part of my profile - or post - gave this impression, so that I can change it.

The point I do want to make is, I seek a partner who will let me live my regular, non-bdsm related life on my own. I'm very independent, and make my own decisions in matters of day-to-day life. In a sense, our regular life would just be like any other vanilla relationship - the dinners, dances, dates and all the other trappings of courtship. However, I want to give up control in the bedroom.

I'm pretty sure what I listed above *isn't* the definition of topping from the bottom. However, I'd be looking to rectify any part of my profile which gives off the impression that I dictate to the dominant when I want to be dominated.




AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Newbie seeks help! (10/11/2008 9:11:00 PM)

Hi.

From what you wrote it sounds like your new to this and just testing the waters and getting a feel of what you want. This explains why your not sure if you want a Domme who'll dominate you outside of the bedroom. your relating domination to sex and bedroom activities only. There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of submissives don't want to sub in real life or can't because of work or family, or other fears. So have fun feeling your way thru this but be honest and upfront with the Mistress. Tell her exactly how you feel about it so no one gets hurts or gets deceived.

Hope this helps.



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