RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub???

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RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 11:48:58 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

its not that i need Him to prove that He is dom to me... more like i need Him to show me my place...

There has never been a question that Master is Dominant, and that He very definatly turns my key.
Now we live together 24/7. I AM a very service oriented sub - but I work full time. (plus).

I love to be beaten - and I get more sex and more beatings from Master than anyone ever in my life before.

But I need to feel the prescence of his dominance.
So, two things:
One, we talk about that. What that means. What things DO that for me.
Two, I ask for it when I need it. Because the need is about me, he could be domming the hell out of me all week, but I come home from a bad day and I NEED it.
And I say, 'I need to feel your hand on my leash.'
It really is that simple. For us.
BTW- can not view your profile. Not this one or the one you said was your original/primary one.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 21

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 11:59:15 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

hmm... i like that. i relate with that very well..

but as far as you not being able to see my profile?, i dunno

i logged out and searched vmarie086 and it came up...

a cm profile isnt different from a forum profile is it?

if this is tru, then i would definately find myself to be a sub who"needs to feel his presence of dominance", to use your words...

those would actually be the words that describe it well... and now i think i can talk to Him about it.

i dont know how he'll take that though...

what exactly does it mean to say that one is a service oriented sub? as opposed to what?

i like how i feel like i am talking to a psychiatrist or something and finding myself... yall are friendly and very helpful...

any other opinions are welcome.

< Message edited by whycantipost -- 10/10/2008 12:00:26 AM >

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 22

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 12:24:35 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

what exactly does it mean to say that one is a service oriented sub? as opposed to what?

It means doing the dishes.

ETA- I viewed you fine from your viewing me. I don't know why I couldn't find you when I searched. I altered my search parameters to strip out everything, and you still didn't come up. I am having a problem lately with that with search - i think this one is me, not your profile, so i wouldn't worry about it.

< Message edited by tsatske -- 10/10/2008 12:38:33 AM >

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 23

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 12:31:22 AM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

alright i think imma take this thought into an entirely different post, because it will stray off topic entirely...

but i still wanna leave this open to discussion. not saying you all should give a shit abt me or whatever, but just incase you do... lol

knowing me imma do what i wanna do anyway. this is human nature. i am going to stick with and earnestly try to be His. see what happens...

hey, you only live once.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 24

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 7:09:12 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Personally I think it is natural to test a dom in the beginning.

Wow, noteworthy only because we don't agree Des :)

I personally think it is entirely unnatural to test your partner... ever. "Testing" is a replacement for trust and good solid lines of communication. It is a crutch for the fearful who wish to hide behind subterfuge rather than expose themselves to the relationship. One "tests" one's adversaries, not one's partners. In my mind, starting a relationship on the basis of manipulative deception, adversarial behaviors, poor communication, and a lack of trust is really not very natural at all.

Forget about it "not being submissive" (which it isn't). It also demonstrated insufficient relationship skills to be in any serious, committed relationship. I'd walk promptly if I was on the receiving end of it.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 8:37:13 AM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

ok as far as the whole testing aspect goes.

i dont know if testing is the right word. its more like imma say or do something and see and gauge the reaction...

This isnt a conscious decision. its not like i sat down at the beginning of the day and said "hey, imma do this and see what he does."

its more like i just be me and see his reaction to that and process it.

But this is human behavior. This is nothing new. if i am the only one who does that please let me know. Although honestly i think everyone does it whether they know it or not.

quote:

"Testing" is a replacement for trust and good solid lines of communication.

i also dont agree with that. I dont see it as a replacement, rather it builds trust for me atleast. and communication is still great. I can be like "hey i noticed that when i said this you did this. and i do/dont like that because xyz"

thats not the problem, as i said earlier i think everyone does this... but maybe not

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 9:01:20 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Self improvement.
Personally, I would end the relationship you are in or at least put it on hold whilst you get your head together. You have to be able to control yourself and your actions before you can expect anyone to accept the authority you give them.

You have to ask yourself why you have a desire or need to test anyone, let alone your partner, regardless whether he is dominant or not.

Or

Are you mixing up being fiesty with testing? Maybe you aren't testing - maybe you are simply firey. Nothing wrong with that but if it's not assisting your relationship that is because the two of you aren't compatable.

Work out if you are testing, or whether you are simply fiery. Then look ffrom there.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 27

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 9:16:41 AM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

i have deicded to talk to Him about it. i dont remember who said it exactly and dont feel like scrolling to find it but i am one who needs time... and also i need to know that he is in control and that i need to feel "his tug on my leash"so to speak...

but hearing others say this helps me see that what i wish for isnt absurd and does exist..

So i am going to ask Him, see if He is willing to or agrees with what i say and if so, then all is well

if not then... im looking harder next time.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 28

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 9:32:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I do agree with this to a point. But, (the truth comes after “but” ) I would not call a person dominant or agree to submit to them until all those questions were answered.

The problem is that unless you see him exerting dominance over you, you don't know if he's capable of doing it. You may like the idea of bungee jumping but it isn't until you get to the front of the line that you realize you can't go through with it. And unless a dom does draw a line and shut some behavior down, you aren't going to believe he is suddenly going to do it once you're wearing the collar.

But if he wants someone who doesn't need to be shown forcefully where the line is, then he shouldn't have picked the op because she's straightforward about needing that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 29

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 10:05:25 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I personally think it is entirely unnatural to test your partner... ever.

It's exceedingly natural...as evidenced by the fact that it happens in most relationships.

Whether you call it "testing", "working on the relationship", or simply having a bad hair day, it happens. People have insecurities, they have bad attitudes, they have bad habits--hell, most even have bad breath at least on occasion. And if we want people in our lives we find ways to deal with all of the above.

_____________________________

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 30

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:09:23 AM

dangerousangel

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
But I need to feel the prescence of his dominance.
So, two things:
One, we talk about that. What that means. What things DO that for me.
Two, I ask for it when I need it. Because the need is about me, he could be domming the hell out of me all week, but I come home from a bad day and I NEED it.
And I say, 'I need to feel your hand on my leash.'
It really is that simple. For us.

This.

I'm his, I know I'm his. Sometimes, though, I deeply, deeply need to feel his control in something more than the every day "bring me dinner" way. I don't see it as "prooving" his dominance, simply as one of my basic needs, up there with being cuddled, hit, and loved. Every once in a while I need to be taken in hand.

How does this relate to the OP? Communication!! Talk to him! -Tell- him that you feel right now as though you're having trouble. Tell him what you told us.

That said, though, before you talk to him, do some soul searching. Do you -want- to submit to him? Do you want to be his? Do you truly, soul-deep want to give up control? It's hard. It's a hard thing to decide to do, and a hard thing to follow through on. I think it's vital that you know, not think, that it's what you want.

Because once you know, all that remains is to 'act as if.' You may not feel submissive to him at all times, but you act as if you do, and eventually it's habit and it's who you are, without having to fight for what you know you want.

_____________________________

How quick bright things come to confusion.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 31

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:24:15 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

but I AM... really.

Really?

quote:

  there is nothing more i want..

Really?

quote:

  suggestions??

Why not turn that ‘stubborn streak’ into a tenacious desire to learn what submission means? Instead of testing his dominance, consider testing your ability to submit.

Excellent advice!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 32

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:40:28 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i've just finished reading a couple of your journal entries from last week. you've found a Master to love though he didn't put you under "immediate" consideration ...then by Sunday - you screwed up and apologized for whatever you did.

i wouldn't say you're stubborn and/or fiesty - judging by your journals, you're simply too eager to please and submit. nothing wrong with that but you need to slow down a bit and let things naturally happen between you and him. get to know him better and vice versa ...then go from there.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 33

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:47:29 AM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

you're simply too eager to please and submit.

i see none of this... please explain..

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 34

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:49:03 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

read your own journals from last week - the answers lays within your own words post on the other profile

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 35

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 11:51:48 AM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

i see exactly where you would get that...

keep in mind that Oour relationship started considerably before that first post...

but yes it would seem that way and i see what you mean... thanks

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 12:07:05 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

whycantipost
if i sound like a true sub? i believe i am... dearly and truly, and i know everyone is different...

No, you are not a true sub anymore than you are a unicorn. There is no such thing. You are you. You needn't be anything else. There is no justification required for being you. It doesn't matter if everyone or nobody here can identify with your position. You may or may not be the right sub for this dominant.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 37

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 5:14:58 PM

CaraCaeth

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

If this is true….

quote:

as far as the argument that He isnt dom... irrelevant. He is. its His way of life, He's been living it for a while... it is who He is.

why do you feel the need to do this???

quote:

. i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first,

Because just as a potential sub often has to prove worthiness, so too should a Dom. Words are very easy to say, but much harder to convert into actions. And just as there are differences in submission, there are differences in styles of Domination.

_____________________________

property of Master Brenin
There can be a true grandeur in any degree of submissiveness, because it springs from loyalty to the laws and to an oath, and not from baseness of soul. - Simone Weil (1910-1943, French Philosopher, Mystic)

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 38

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 5:36:02 PM

CaraCaeth

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whycantipost

Ok. So i do have an actual profile on here. it's vmarie086, but for some reason i can't post from there.

So.

i am a very independent person. i dont get along with just everyone. i have a mentality such that i want to be able to take care of me.

However. i have a huge desire to be sub. and not just a sub. I dont know where this comes from or why, i just do. This being said i think i have found One that i would love to serve.

but, i dont think i am exactly what He seeks. He has told me that i dont respond the way a natural sub does.

i know this. i am defiant. i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first, which leads to Him thinking i am not sub...

but I AM... really.

there is nothing more i want..

suggestions??

Well, first of all, what is a "natural sub"? i assume you're talking about someone who is always submissive, in every aspect of their life. But not everyone is alike, not all subs are completely submissive. And i can understand exactly what you're talking about. i'm very independant, and i don't like taking orders from most people. But for my Master, i have all the desire in my heart to serve him. But yet . . . there are always those times when i'm very un-sub-like. It's more a personality trait i believe than testing His Dominance or making Him prove Himself; sometimes i want to be Dominated, i don't simply want to submit. Does that make any sense?

_____________________________

property of Master Brenin
There can be a true grandeur in any degree of submissiveness, because it springs from loyalty to the laws and to an oath, and not from baseness of soul. - Simone Weil (1910-1943, French Philosopher, Mystic)

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 39

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/10/2008 6:12:10 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

Whether you call it "testing", "working on the relationship", or simply having a bad hair day, it happens. People have insecurities, they have bad attitudes, they have bad habits--hell, most even have bad breath at least on occasion. And if we want people in our lives we find ways to deal with all of the above.

I remeber reading as a yong adult about some particular society where marriages were traditionally arranged affairs, (and I don't remeber which one) where they happened to use a euphimism we use in America, but with an entirely differant meaning.
'making love'. When a couple could be heard from the street breaking up the housekeeping and shouting at one another, the neihbors would smile and nod and say, 'oh, yes, they are making love.'
The idea being that, these two total strangers who had become man and wife, were going to have to throw a few dishes around to find their fit together with one another so that they could eventually find themselves in love.
I rather like the idea. I don't do much fighting, argueing, or dish throwing, but I do like the idea that rough communication and getting through difficult issues leads to deepening love, and is therefore worth doing.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 40

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