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Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:19:43 AM

BeginningAgain

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline

I don't know what kind of help I'll get here. But I think I need some extra opinions. Or else just a shoulder to cry on.

My ex-slave and I were together for two and a half years. Unfortunately, it has always been an online relationship, with her in Canada, and myself in Australia. Somewhat recently, I allowed her to spend a lot of time with a friend, who she subsequently fell in love with, and decided she needed to try to have a relationship with him. She said she felt she could not fully submit to me while she has feelings for him, and the feelings dictate that she has to try things with him.

I care about her too much. I can't just move on and leave her. This guy is a sub too, he wants her to Dominate him, which she can't do. I'm certain she won't be truly happy with him, for this and other reasons. I want to wait for her to realise this, to realise that she should love him as a good friend and be submissive to me, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I dread being alone. I'm possibly only going to feel sick and miserable all the time. But I love her. I just feel we are meant to be together. But I could wait months and months for her (when we were still together, I was going to go to Canada around July/August next year, when I finished uni), and she could force this relationship to work. Or she could plain forget about me.

So, does anyone think this is the right thing to do? Is it wrong and unfair for me to wait for her? Does anyone else think the new relationship has a good chance of failure? Am I missing something in all this?

And please...someone help me.

Post #: 1

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:25:14 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

No one can possibly know what is "right" for you, except you. But I would observe that you are clinging to a relationship that no longer exists.

Sometimes we get dumped, and sometimes that takes time to get over and hurts plenty. Life is like that sometimes (got any money in the stock market these days?).

Let it hurt. Mourn it's loss if you have to. Give it time. Get over it.

John

P.S. - It was a real long shot from the outset... living half a world away. Maybe learn something from that when it comes to making your next choice.

< Message edited by Rover -- 10/10/2008 6:26:26 AM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:29:31 AM

BeginningAgain

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline

I'm not keen to make another choice. I don't even know where to start. I have too many criteria for a slave, and she met every one. I don't know how I'm meant to find someone else who does without going insane.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:30:17 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Please note that my opinion will be colored by the fact that I'm not a fan of online relationships of this type...

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain

I don't know what kind of help I'll get here. But I think I need some extra opinions. Or else just a shoulder to cry on.

My ex-slave and I were together for two and a half years. Unfortunately, it has always been an online relationship, with her in Canada, and myself in Australia. Somewhat recently, I allowed her to spend a lot of time with a friend, who she subsequently fell in love with, and decided she needed to try to have a relationship with him. She said she felt she could not fully submit to me while she has feelings for him, and the feelings dictate that she has to try things with him.

She's very clear here. You need to let her go.

I care about her too much. I can't just move on and leave her.

You will have to, if nothing else, for yourself.

This guy is a sub too, he wants her to Dominate him, which she can't do. I'm certain she won't be truly happy with him, for this and other reasons.

How do you really know that? Has she told you that? You really do not know this person, at least in my opinion, until you spend LOTS of time in their presence.

I want to wait for her to realise this, to realise that she should love him as a good friend and be submissive to me, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

Its very clearly not the right thing to do. She may never 'realize' a thing -- you're deciding what's right for her and you really just can't do that. Obviously you are not right for her.

I dread being alone.

Most of us do, but really, aren't you alone now and were you not alone all this time?

I'm possibly only going to feel sick and miserable all the time. But I love her. I just feel we are meant to be together. But I could wait months and months for her (when we were still together, I was going to go to Canada around July/August next year, when I finished uni), and she could force this relationship to work. Or she could plain forget about me.

So, does anyone think this is the right thing to do? Is it wrong and unfair for me to wait for her? Does anyone else think the new relationship has a good chance of failure? Am I missing something in all this?

I have no idea about the new relationship any more than you do. Is it local? or just closer than you are? Being geographically desirable is a huge plus in relationships these days... hate to say it, but -- in my opinion -- if you can find someone thousands of miles away, you can probably find someone closer too.

And please...someone help me.

I can't help you necessarily -- and I've been tough on you, but I have to admit, its the way I see what you've said. Please please don't wait around, it is not likely to happen -- chances are slim that she's going to miraculously turn around and say she wants you back. It happens, but mostly in the movies.

Good luck and please take care of you -- that means mourning appropriately... but eventually working on pulling yourself back together.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:35:57 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain

I have too many criteria for a slave, and she met every one.

My first criteria is fidelity to me. Evidently that is not one of yours.

Yeah, it may seem for a while that you can't go on. Welcome to the broken heart's club. Everyone has been there at one time or another, most likely at your age or even younger (not a denigration, just an observation). Somehow, we all manage to get over it.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 7:41:06 AM

ApathyRomance

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I don't know if they have Ben and Jerry's ice cream in Australia or not. I am suspecting this is your problem. You need to go on E-bay or something and buy some. Then eat it. You'll feel better. Seriously-- ditch the vegemite and wheetabix. Ben and Jerry's is the way to go. My personal favorite is Phish Food.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 10:10:37 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Let her be happy. I'm guessing this new guy is local (hopefully) and if so then it's probably better for her. No offense but long distance sucks and to have her wait yet another year sitting and hoping for you when she now has the chance to be with someone actual near her is unrealisitic.

You say you hate being alone, you've been alone this whole time. You may love her but she was never THERE, it was text or phone calls. I think it's time to look more into people closer or wait. Not for her but for when you can actually go visit/move to people or have them be with you without having to wait YEARS.

(in reply to ApathyRomance)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 10:24:53 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain
So, does anyone think this is the right thing to do? Is it wrong and unfair for me to wait for her? Does anyone else think the new relationship has a good chance of failure? Am I missing something in all this?

And please...someone help me.

You're hoping someone else breaks the heart of someone you claim to love.

Call me crazy, but wanting someone I care about to get hurt doesn't exactly fit my notion of love.

_____________________________

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 12:10:07 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

No offense, but you aren't acting very 'Masterly'!
You got into this impossible online relationship. You allowed her to see others (which is only right, since a purely online relationship can only go so far). She met someone local and fell in love-now you whine that she's chosen someone she can hold over words on a computer screen (or an occasional phone call).
You are being the selfish one here.
For God's sake man, step up to the plate, be the Master you claim you are and LET HER GO!

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 12:11:23 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

As others have said you need to mourn the relationship and then pull yourself up from your boot straps and move on. Distance is very difficult on relationships of any kind. This too shall pass.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 12:36:03 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Morn and move on. The other person can actually touch her where you have not in 2 and a half years. She accepted something real over on-line with no actual contact, excuse me here but it's time for you to look for something real as well. I am not saying you did not have feeling for her, but after a while you need to step up and actually touch the other person.

Mike

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 1:01:25 PM

littlemisssnarf

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain
Somewhat recently, I allowed her to spend a lot of time with a friend, who she subsequently fell in love with, and decided she needed to try to have a relationship with him. She said she felt she could not fully submit to me while she has feelings for him, and the feelings dictate that she has to try things with him.

I care about her too much. I can't just move on and leave her.

They've met and felt a connection - which is no doubt personal to them... regardless of dynamic....

sometimes you have to care and let go - for your own sanity too...

Bon chance

_____________________________

let the sun shine on your soul and smile...

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 1:21:54 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Maybe you should try to man up and find a girl a tad closer to you, say within 1,500 miles of where you live.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to littlemisssnarf)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 1:40:18 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

My heart has gotten stomped on pretty thoroughly, and I am still not used to it. Yes, it's miserable to lose someone you care about, but you cannot keep someone who does not want you. Move on.

I know how hard it is to find someone suitable close to home. At least stick to your own continent next time! Why make it harder on yourself?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 2:00:33 PM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
Status: offline

As a fellow wussy dom who thought he had found the absolute best person he was ever going to find, I can certainly relate a bit. It was horrible when I broke up with my last girlfriend. I puttered around for a bit, decided to see if I could find a BDSM chatroom or something to just have a little fun in, and...I ended up here, which really turned things around for me. (smiles) And I'm proud to say I'm currently talking to an adorable cutie who's way better than my ex.
Just "moving on" sounds like some pretty half-assed advice, but there's truth in that. You shouldn't just move on to another girl, mind you. You should just...well, move. Just wander around and let your mind drift. Who knows what you'll stumble across?

-Tabris

_____________________________

I don't like hand baskets. Everything's always going to Hell in them.

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 2:43:33 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain

I'm not keen to make another choice. I don't even know where to start. I have too many criteria for a slave, and she met every one. I don't know how I'm meant to find someone else who does without going insane.

Yes, of course...you have met the partner of your dreams who is without a doubt the perfect compatible person for you....despite the fact that she lives on the other side of the planet, you've never met her and spent time with her and all your interactions have solely been online.

Wake up!

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 6:10:29 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

You're only 20...Life will go on. YOU need to find a real time girl, just like she needed to find a real time guy. Life has too much to offer to spend it all online. Get out and about. You'll be amazed at what you will find.

And oh..You said you dont want her to leave because then you will be alone...Well....She's not there, never has been...You were already alone.

YOU can change that.

Be well,
laura

_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 7:18:42 PM

Durus

Posts: 184
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain
I dread being alone.

You were in a online relationship with someone half a planet away. It might not be technically alone but it's pretty close. I know that love doesn't play by rules of geography. It will take some time for you to get over it but I suggest that you start the process and further suggest you don't get in this type of relationship again.

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 11:00:43 PM

BeginningAgain

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline

I'd like to thank some of you for being so blunt, some of you for actually being helpful, and the rest of you for missing some of the critical information, misunderstanding part of what I said, or making certain assumptions about the kind of person I am. I'm aware that sounds bitter, but I suppose I have to get through the rest of this alone. Thank you for your time.

(in reply to Durus)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I doing the right thing? - 10/10/2008 11:36:22 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeginningAgain

I'm not keen to make another choice. I don't even know where to start. I have too many criteria for a slave, and she met every one. I don't know how I'm meant to find someone else who does without going insane.

I have been involved in two, heavy-duty, long distance relationships (NEVER again, by the way). It's easy for someone to be the "perfect submissive" when they're 12,000 miles away.

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to BeginningAgain)

Post #: 20

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