RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

beargonewild -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/10/2008 8:19:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I have a theoretical question--perhaps a slightly strange question--that's of some immediate practical importance.

The question is:  Can two Dominants who are not a couple co-own a submissive (if "own" is the proper term for a Dominant's relationship to a submissive)?

I can just imagine that many, especially the old-school purists, will find such an idea to be heretical.  However, it is not at all unusual in life for two people who are not a couple to co-own something:  a car, a business, real estate, etc.

Assuming the two Dominants could come to some sort of understanding about where they want to go with the sub and their mutual "rights" (for want of a better term), so as to avoid giving her conflicting goals, commands and instructions, why can't two Dominants co-own a submissive?

I would appreciate some opinions and thoughts beyond the chorus of "Oh, no!" that is sure to follow.

And, trust me, you can be sure that if there was a better option available, I wouldn't be asking the question.


Frankly I don't see why not! Granted it would take a lot of work for the people involved to hammer out a suitable arrangement in regards to mutual benefit for both dominants and the submissive. Which this is the type of situation which I'm working on.



MaamJay -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/10/2008 8:24:42 PM)

It strikes Me that co-ownership would be a lot like successful parenting of a child or a pet. The 2 "parents" need to talk and establish a common vision, common goals and common strategies so as to present a united front and consistency to the child or pet ... because a house divided will not stand. Only if the OP thinks this is possible with the proposed co-owner is it wise to enter into this relationship.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/10/2008 8:54:23 PM)

That's why there's this thing called comunication and you try to strive to make sure that your orders standing or not don't interfear with the second doms orders by communicating and all trying to be on the same page.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sure. But the lines have to be clear. I think it would be easier if one is only interested in nonsexual service though. Because forbidding the sub to have any orgasms until she sees dom A in a month doesn't work if she's got a date with dom B next week.

My gut feeling, which I freely admit is not based on any knowledge, is that it's most likely to occur if the first relationship is long distance.



tazzygirl -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/10/2008 9:03:29 PM)

out of curriosity, wouldnt one Dominant take precedence over the other?  i just cant imagine two Dominants having equal say and no conflicts arising



catize -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/10/2008 10:42:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

out of curriosity, wouldnt one Dominant take precedence over the other?  i just cant imagine two Dominants having equal say and no conflicts arising


I don’t have to imagine it, I live it.
I am fortunate that both their expectations are similar and the few differences are not conflicting.  They don’t compete; they don’t have a prurient interest in what takes place when I have spent time with the other. 
They care for my well being and appreciate that I am in good hands. 



tazzygirl -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 6:07:59 AM)

i will admit, i had to look up that word ... "prurient"... so neither have a lusty thought when you are with the other... cool.. i guess

that wasnt my point or question though, and perhaps you have been exceedingly lucky

im just curious as to what would happen if commands or punishments conflicted.. whose would take precedence 



IrishMist -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 6:13:10 AM)

Generally speaking, I would say "sure why not", anything is possible.

Personally speaking, I don't see how it could be worked out, but I have seen it in person with others.



catize -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 7:05:25 AM)

quote:

 im just curious as to what would happen if commands or punishments conflicted.. whose would take precedence 


There is no punishment in our respective dynamics so that wouldn’t happen. If it was, however, I am not foolish enough to think that either one would intervene; they respect each other’s judgment.
Their rules and requirements were established long ago and I can’t foresee either one changing in mid-stream.  If one of them came up with something new that was a conflict, I think I would have a discussion with that one about the difficulties it presented to me in terms of the other relationship.
Depending on the outcome of that discussion, I may need to talk it over with the other one.  If an acceptable compromise couldn’t be reached then all 3 of us would be faced with some tough choices.
Perhaps I'm lucky, or maybe I chose wisely for once (or in this case, twice!)[:D]



heartfeltsub -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 7:23:08 AM)

i was in such a relationship, where both Dominants knew about each other and interacted with each other. When A/all of U/us were at the One Dominant's house, His word or His desires were paramount. When just with the Other, His word or desires came first. If W/we all went to the same evant but didn't come together, i was to serve the One that i came with first if they both needed service. When it came to play, They worked out a schedule if W/we were all in one place together. They communicated well and worked out the above mentioned arrangement bcause i was looking for a little bit of clarity if They both asked me for something at the same time, or when serving up a meal, whose plate to fix first, that sort of thing. They both met different needs in my life, One being more emotionally connected, the Other being more Sadistic and extreme. That exact dynamic has changed somewhat, though i still have a relationship with both of the Dominants in question.

Also wanted to mention there was no punishment in the above mentioned dynamic, but W/we did work out how i would know whose command to obey first when W/we were all together. Hopefully that answered the question as to how it could work.
heartfelt



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 7:25:16 AM)

i do not k now i think you would just confuze the sub and get pissed and tell  both doms dommes off  after all it is like having two bosses rofl

i do not want to work i want to bang on the sub all day



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 9:16:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

out of curriosity, wouldnt one Dominant take precedence over the other?  i just cant imagine two Dominants having equal say and no conflicts arising


I had to address this, because it is a common misconception that two dominant individuals cannot co-exist and co-dominate without someone taking 'precedence'. Fortunately, in practice rather than theory, it is very possible for two dominant individuals to co-dominate. The error in thought is that these two dominant individuals are -not- in a relationship with one another. At the point at which they are co-dominating the same individual, they -are- in a relationship, and one that requires that they interact with one another and hash out things like prioritization.

At any given time, in any given relationship, one person's needs take precedence over another's. This is just common sense. In a functional shared-dominance relationship, in my practical experience, the matter of who has 'precedence' varies according to the comparative needs as discussed by the dominant members. At any given time, Dominant A's requirements might have the priority, and at another time, Dominant B's requirements might be in the forefront. In our experience, it works best if the D-types are clear about what the priority is, and that they convey that information, so the S-type is aware as well of the priority for the hour/day/week/etc. A functional situation should actually have a minimum of "punishment", though it may very well have a high level of 'discipline', as there are more things to remember with multiple priorities to sort out. For myself, it was an excellent foray into time management skills.

To say that this "can't" work is like saying that a person who runs multiple projects as an independent contractor "can't" handle multiple bosses. It's garbage. The only requirement for it to work is for all the people involved (regardless of how many there are, and how many are D-types and how many are S-types) to be willing to be dedicated to the relationship working out.

Calla Firestorm



Blaakmaan -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/11/2008 1:05:25 PM)

I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to post a message in this string.

I was expecting a chorus of  "NO" and "DON'T" and instead, to my surprise and delight, what I have received, for the most part, are heartfelt, well-considered, sincere responses.

How about that???

Again, thanks to all!



DrgnSlayr -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/12/2008 7:55:45 AM)

I think the key is the Doms doing the cooperating and coordinating. In Emergency Management we have a concept of "Unity of Command" that states that every responder can only have exactly one supervisor. When more than one agency has say-so, we have a thing called a "Unified Command" where several different incident commanders form a join tcommand, each with joint power and priority and issue orders as a single entity. This is what this sounds like what might work here..the two Doms form a Unified Command and speak as one. 



RealSub58 -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/12/2008 11:22:18 AM)

As a submissive, I would find this a dilemna.
For my personality this would be impossible as I must give my whole submission to just one.
 
It would be like my whole person was being spit in 2 and I would have no peace, but a constant struggle day and night.



ShatteredSoul123 -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/12/2008 11:30:18 AM)

Alright I'm going to be picky... again I realize my definitions are not that of others... keep that in mind when reading this...

but to me a sub can't be owned... they can only be dominated. As such, they not only can submit to multiple people at once, but they likely will have to many many times. In fact, all people do. We have to submit to the will of others on a daily basis at work, at home, with friends, and with family.

That being the case, the answer is yes they can.

Now it also seems you are talking about 2 doms having control over the same sub in a household. You can do some research in the area of triad, or V, style poly homes and get a great deal of information on house one can achieve this practically.

Good luck.



IvyMorgan -> RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? (10/12/2008 11:56:12 AM)

I'm looking at a relationship where there will be four dominants to me.  Though there are switches in that dynamic.  The four of them form a couple of couples, and are a poly unit.

So far, it works just fine.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
6.347656E-02