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Question regarding painsluts - 10/10/2008 11:06:56 PM

gehennasfury

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I'm hoping to get some insight here. I was speaking with a female submissive, who said she was new to BD/SM. She made it clear she wanted edge play and bloodletting done to her. Not being a full sadist on my part, I was still willing to consider it as a possibility, with some B&D thrown in as well. I realize not everyone has the same interests as everybody else, but I can't understand how a "painslut" can know they ar eone if they have never engaged in edgeplay before. I was called a "wimp" for wanting to include the B&D, while the insult doesn't bug me, I'm still at a loss to understand how the devil she can know she is a painslut without ever having done it before.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/10/2008 11:17:45 PM

fun4you98

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Most likely the woman your talking with has had rough sex and been turned on in her past with the threat and action of pain. Many that are to that degree have had exposure to it either with someone else or through their own actions. Example, blood-letting, cutting one's self and the like. Her attempt belittle you about wanting BDSM is her way of attempting to get your goat so to speak and anger you so you will use her hard to the level she desires. Over my past 15 years of experience I've found that most subs that are new to the lifestyle and wanting that degree of pain have been traumatized in their past somewhere and generally are unstable. Someone that has been introduced to that level after being in the lifestyle for a while is generally more mentally stable.

On a side note, the sub should know that BDSM encompasses more then just bondage, that is only part of BDSM. Various levels of intensity exist in our lifestyle and being a sado-masochist is actually part of BDSM.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/10/2008 11:19:11 PM

bluefireroses

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I know this is in the 'ask a master' category, but it caught my eye...

Perhaps it isn't so much her knowing she's a pain slut, but having a fantasy about it. She may have read the term somewhere, heard others talking about it and thought "Wow, that'd be really cool". When i was new to the lifestyle, i thought that i might be a pain slut as well...but with in a few sessions i realized i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i would.

As you are the Dom, maybe you could tell her you are going to start off slow. It doesn't sound safe, to jump in full throttle...esp if it isn't normally your cup of tea.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/10/2008 11:23:06 PM

gehennasfury

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Thanks for the info. I did explain to this sub that BD/SM encompasses more than painsluts and bondage, she seemed in my opinion to only want the pain.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/10/2008 11:46:33 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Some people DO only want the pain. The mistake she made, in my book, was behaving like a child when she didn't get what she wanted and trying to manipulate you. Good job on not giving in and deciding she's not a match. Now you can both move on.

Master Fire

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 12:03:15 AM

myotherself

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**FR**

I've been in this lifestyle for a few years now, coming into it convinced I was a service-oriented sub/slave and had zero interest in being given pain. Several years of exploration has made me realise I'm actually a serious pain slut with some submissive tendencies.

You only get to know what you like/want/need when you try it. Without experience, she can't possibly know for sure.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 12:23:53 AM

littlewonder

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Is she young? Goth? Mentally unstable? If so she's probably experienced bloodletting through cutting and knows all about it already.

She's probably had rough sex and is a thrillseeker as well and thus why she's interested in edgeplay....

Or it could be she's simply fantasizing about it online.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 10/11/2008 12:24:21 AM >

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 1:02:16 AM

ApathyRomance

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Send her my way . . .

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 1:47:13 AM

GabrielleSlave

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Reply from a slave....

No one can know before they actually experience something what it is really like. i have fantasised about how things would feel before having done them, we have all done that surely? However, it may be that her attempts to goad you into something you are not happy with, given her lack of experience, could perhaps be some form of attempt at self punishment for something that has happened in the past... Master knew i had a burning curiosity about pain and restraint when He first met me, however He took things super slow as to go too fast too soon would have made me run. i was a complete newbie, no experience whatsoever...

She needs to respect real experience and to be told "No, Wwe will go at My pace, not yours." by whoever takes her on, but then i think you knew that already.

Gabrielle

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 2:23:43 AM

antipode

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Sounds like a cyberfreak to me. Having said that, women and pain is a science all by itself, there are quite a few ways, as others have pointed out, in which a woman can be certain she enjoys pain.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 7:03:46 AM

windchymes

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It's possible that she does have a mental disorder, that instead of cutting herself, she wants someone to do it for her. "Cutters" I've known of say that they cause themselves physical pain to mask the mental pain they feel. Maybe she's just added a variation to that?

Or, it could just be someone having a fantasy.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/11/2008 8:29:22 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fun4you98

On a side note, the sub should know that BDSM encompasses more then just bondage, that is only part of BDSM. Various levels of intensity exist in our lifestyle and being a sado-masochist is actually part of BDSM.

For some s & m is part of what they do. And for some, we have no interest in that and are just bondage freaks and rope sluts.

But I'm with the op. Fantasy is one thing, but in fantasy all pain is pleasurable and erotic. In reality it hurts. As far as the wimp comment? She's rude and trying to manipulate you.

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RE: Question regarding painsluts - 10/12/2008 3:21:49 AM

terrafirma

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quote:

I'm still at a loss to understand how the devil she can know she is a painslut without ever having done it before.

Good question. Why didn't (or don't) you ask her first? Perhaps you'll find your devil or delight in the detail of her answer.

Your post wasn't specific if "new" meant she had no real life experiences at all. For some women that is the case, while others define themselves as "new" having been with a number of dominants for a year or more. Others here have also pointed out some of the myriad of possibilities outside of the more consciously sought out "play" and relationships we seek on CM.

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