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lovingpet -> The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time (10/11/2008 6:43:28 AM)
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Those who have followed my posts over the past couple of months are likely aware of the new person in my life that has had me in a dopey grinned, wistful sigh kind of mood. I chronicled the start of this new journey a few months ago. I have talked of small and not so small ways that I have been drawn closer because of simple, but meaningful things that have happened even as we have been apart.
Now it is time for the second time. We will go to be with each other tomorrow afternoon. It will be much more private and intimate than last time. I have dropped some of my original precautions and cast aside a great deal of fear. In so many ways, this time will be nothing like the first time.
Yet, even as I know this I get a sense and wash of emotional stirring that feels all too oddly familiar. It is not necessarily a bad feeling, just a nervousness that makes being still intolerable. It makes all the possibilities ahead seem overwhelming. I want to go and I am anxious to be face to face again. The wait is interminal.
It is as though hopes, fears, and vulnerability are born afresh. The subject matters may be different, but the exuberant terror is all the same. I don't worry over things like will one of us show up, will we connect in person, am I actually able to do this for real. The stakes are so much higher. Now we see a bit deeper and begin to reveal the more secret and hidden places, places that shake a person to the core if they are rejected or reviled.
I don't know if there is a point to this post or what my questions are. I doubt it even makes sense since I still choose to keep the lion's share of our relationship dynamics private. This is more a musing than seeking advice or looking for some sort of validation. Feel free to respond as it seems appropriate, but please do be kind.
lovingpet
edited because proofreading is a skill I possess, but often forget to employ
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