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RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 5:25:59 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

First, why should you train her your way? Another Master might want her trained a different way, and you are only making more work for him! I have encountered plenty of trained subs that later I found to be incompatible with me, mainly because of their being trained differently then I would have done.

Maybe they want to train her for the fun of it?

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with "training" as long as no one gets hurt...this is all about the fantasy for some people.

I have belonged to two dominant men, one "trained" me his way... the other took my submission for what it was and molded me another way. There is a big difference between molding and training. Perhaps if you thought about that difference you would not let someone else's past stop you from building a pretty good future.

quote:

Second, the whole "why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free?" applies here. You are getting the 'milk' of the relationship (while stopping others from getting any), while at the same time it is clear that you offer no commitment whatsoever (no intention to buy the cow).

Not everyone wants the entire cow, and why should they?

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RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 7:03:32 AM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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Seems the OP is long gone, which is just as well, my thoughts are in a very different direction. I read through this thread this morning, looking at all the various replies. Some of them I agreed with in part or in whole... and some I did not. But by this fourth page there was a part of my... some inner voice asking... "when did we get this cynical... when did I get this cynical?"

To the OP, if you should still be reading this... a word of advice... consider the realism of any of your expectations, and live accordingly.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 7:36:34 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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I have never even understood what this "training" actually means. While I have trained a couple of girls, that training was for very specific activities, but general sub training is anathema to me. But he is talking about mentoring, as well - mentoring, I think, is something one does in person - I have mentored a number of people, over the years, but that always meant I had meetings with them on a regular basis - the (by now) corporate executive I've been mentoring for over a decade (his wife is my former sub) I recently visited in England, just to get a "feel" for where he was at. We do talk on the phone, but with 93% of human communication taking place non-verbally, you can't do this online, or even exclusively on the phone.

My tuppence worth..

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Post #: 63

RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 11:07:22 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I think of training someone as getting in their head for D/s reasons... such as "training" someone to find a certain stimulus exciting, or "training" someone to do a certain behavior automatically... it is like conditioning in my mind... and yes one can do this over the internet... my first dom started it over the internet before we ever met.

Now molding someone for a relationship is not conditioning them to stimuli in my mind.. it is deeper than that and it is on a cognitive level as well as an emotional one. That only happened with my Daddy

Now I know this is just my opinion and a lot of people will disagree with it, and I am ok with that.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 11:16:20 AM

Incadius

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnnesMentor

I am mentoring a young, novice submissive, from a distance, to better equip her and prepare her to enter her local bdsm scene. She is learning about honor and integrity and is becoming more confident about herself with each passing day.

At my request, she put a very clear message in her profile that she is in training and is temporarily not permitted to communicate with anyone. She stated that it's only for a short period. After that, I will encourage her to talk to others and will help her transition into her local community, and will teach her how to safely search for an honorable Dom.

In spite of the request in her profile that she not be contacted, she continually gets messages from other 'Doms' and informs me each time.

To me, with my background in the scene, these Doms are dishonoring both her and me.

Comments?

Dishonoring? I don't think that's quite the word for it, but she is gaining an ever longer list of people that she DOESN'T want to get back to one you are done mentoring her. If they can't even take a couple minutes to read a profile, and respect what is in it, then I see no reason for her to believe they will respect any other limits she might have when it comes time to submit to them. I'd say let them message her, that way she has an ever narrowing list of people to choose from once she is allowed to start looking, and that narrower list will have a higher percentage of people that are a good match for her. Really that's all you can do in this case, since she can't block message reciept altogether, and this kind of community tends to be rife with people who think they're above the rules someone else places on their sub, "Because I'm a Master and, by god, I should get to do whatever I want."

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RE: dishonoring a request - 10/26/2008 12:45:14 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
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why request people to not contact her........why not hide her profile.

a request is a volenteer action not...not something like an order?
(at least that is how I see the english word as non english person)

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