RE: Only In It For The Long Haul?

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/12/2008 1:54:01 PM

missturbation

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quote:

Do you believe that BDSM has evolved to become more relationship oriented?, and if so why.

Possibly. Everything evolves but who know's what the evolution for bdsm has been. I think a lot of bdsm's history is probably unknown due to it been a very hush hush activity. Rover gives very good history but is it factual? Quite probably. Is it complete? Probably not. Was it really the late 60's bdsm became popular? Maybe or maybe not. Just because we don't have records of its popularity then, doesn't mean it wasn't popular.

quote:

Is BDSM at it's CORE raw expression of one's sexuality or is it a power/authority exchange that can only develop with time?

That will differ for different people. For me it is the power / authority exchange.

quote:

Is it possible for you or anyone else to totally fulfill your/their BDSM needs without being in a long term BDSM relationship?

Yes i spent eighteen months in such a relationship.

quote:

I am using posters to this forum as a baseline for forming that opinion, as the majority of postings that I read here are directed at understanding and developing and elevating the relationship part of BDSM, as opposed to the strictly play part,

It's all intrinsically linked for me.

quote:

and clearly there is a general disdain for the meet and beat crowd.

There is?

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/12/2008 3:26:57 PM

SlyStone

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quote:

quote:

and clearly there is a general disdain for the meet and beat crowd.

There is?

Well yeah, I totally think there is a bias here FOR BDSM as a deep meaningful relationship dynamic and AGAINST BDSM as a playful explorative dynamic. And when I say bias I mean that, in general, people literally believe the one to be better than the other.

Just my opinion.

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/12/2008 10:31:20 PM

Durus

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Do you believe that BDSM has evolved to become more relationship oriented?, and if so why.

People generall form relationships as part of life. If BDSM is a part of you wouldn't you seek to express that in your relationship so that it is part of the relationship?

Is BDSM at it's CORE raw expression of one's sexuality or is it a power/authority exchange that can only develop with time?

Does it have to be one or the other? Can't it be an expression of ones sexuality that encompasses PE and that can develop (and deepen) over time?

Is it possible for you or anyone else to totally fulfill your/their BDSM needs without being in a long term BDSM relationship?

Perhaps...but speaking for myself I can't understand not wanting a BDSM relationship.

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/13/2008 12:38:25 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Well yeah, I totally think there is a bias here FOR BDSM as a deep meaningful relationship dynamic and AGAINST BDSM as a playful explorative dynamic. And when I say bias I mean that, in general, people literally believe the one to be better than the other.

Heaven forbid that people would choose to play and explore within a deep and meaningful context. Shallow, meaningless activities are much more satisfying.

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/13/2008 2:46:17 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Do you believe that BDSM has evolved to become more relationship oriented?, and if so why.

No. Although people constantly try to make it something it's not.

quote:

Is BDSM at it's CORE raw expression of one's sexuality or is it a power/authority exchange that can only develop with time?

It's nothing more than 4 actions.

quote:

Is it possible for you or anyone else to totally fulfill your/their BDSM needs without being in a long term BDSM relationship?

Yes.

the.dark.

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/13/2008 6:26:06 AM

SlyStone

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quote:

It's nothing more than 4 actions

Okay, so some here believe that BDSM is a set of actions and reactions, while others believe it to be a relationship based dynamic. I would place myself firmly in the former category, but I do seek to understand the latter.

I think this all matters because so many people come to BDSM seeking an idealized relationship. There seems to be a prevalent notion, at least here, that the expression of dominance or submission and its corresponding exchange of power/authority is the basis for a relationship, not a part of a relationship, not a set of actions within a relationship, but a relationship in and of itself.

Even the start out vanilla and grow into BDSM crowd still seem to view the power exchange as the goal rather than the prize. By that I mean the goal as in the end all be all that will bring happiness and complete them, as opposed to the prize, that will enhance and reward that which already exists.

I have already stated that I am not looking for a relationship based on the D/s dynamic but I feel for those that are. I say that because it is so fucking hard to find someone we care for/love to begin with, and when we exclude the majority of society in our search it is that much harder because one is left with a very small pool from which to choose. I don't have an answer to this, I think it is up to the individual to set their own priorities.

My guess is that successful long term BDSM/D/s "relationships" are ones that evolve into something a great deal more than what they started out to be, and while the power exchange may be a central theme I would think it devolves over time rather than evolves, but that is conjecture on my part.

I hope long term couples will comment on this, because it is something I am trying to understand, not judge.

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/21/2008 9:14:45 PM

DavanKael

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Do you believe that BDSM has evolved to become more relationship oriented?, and if so why.
****Not necessarily; depends on the person/people. I wouldn't make any broad and sweeping generalizations. For me, I've always considered it to be relationship-oriented 'cause I'm ust a commitment kind of a girl.

Is BDSM at it's CORE raw expression of one's sexuality or is it a power/authority exchange that can only develop with time?
****Could be either of those things, could be lots of other things. Different things to individuals, differnt things to folks who are relating (One relationship does not duplicate another). For me, both and more.

Is it possible for you or anyone else to totally fulfill your/their BDSM needs without being in a long term BDSM relationship?
****I am sure that some people could be totally fulfilled in that way. Me, no, I don't think so.
Davan

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RE: Only In It For The Long Haul? - 10/21/2008 9:42:45 PM

Tslaveboy

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There are people I've played with who are fun and I'll play with them again if given the opportunity, but our personalities don't mesh outside of the play.

Then there are those who I love playing with whose personalities mesh with mine and a relationship has formed.

If you can find someone who has both qualities and there is a real connection, then I think BDSM can form a long-term relationship.

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