RE: Who Should Pay??

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rcf101 -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 2:03:14 AM)
Well being a gentleman and nice guy who respects woman and still knows the meaning of chivalry and practices it, the man pays. I know that may make me unpopular but... I still light ladies cigarettes pull out chairs for them, offer my jacket if they are cold, and I always bring flowers and chocolates for my date. I remember a scene from "Sleepless In Seattle" (one of my favorite movies) where Tom Hanks is talking to his construction worker buddy about what dating is like "these days" and he tells him how now women call the man now, and says a number of other things than he says to Tom, "on the plus side now you split the check" To which Tom replies he could nerve let a lady pay for his meal, to which his construction buddy says "wonderful they'll throw a parade in your honor" LOL I know times have changed, but I'd like to believe, perhaps, there are still some women who'd appreciate an old dinosaur like me. Now after you're married where the money is in a common pool it may not be so important. For a female just friends I could see taking turns w/ buying each other lunch but not in a dating relationship. One exception being if they are takingyou out for your birthday or a Christmas present, then its different. Even then I would feel a bit awkward. Thats my 2 cents worth. Actually it wasn't even THAT good 11/2 cents worth then. LOL -RCF

MsStarlett -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 4:22:33 AM)
Don't get me wrong, RCF, I'm the first to admit that I like a man who does those things. All of those things and more. I'm Southern and I love a man who has good old fashioned gentlemanly ways. But some of my boys are a bit more financially able to do things than others. When I know that my 'date' can pick up the check without causing him a hardship, I let him. Otherwise, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself... and him.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 8:09:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rcf101 Well being a gentleman and nice guy who respects woman and still knows the meaning of chivalry and practices it, the man pays. I know that may make me unpopular but... I still light ladies cigarettes pull out chairs for them, offer my jacket if they are cold, and I always bring flowers and chocolates for my date. It wouldn't make us uncomfortable with you, especially if you can dance... unless it got twisted around. My Darling and I -both- enjoy being taken 'out on the town', and she -loves- having a gentleman who can take her dancing. Our one exception is for that initial meeting, and that is only because we've had some experiences where allowing a 'gentleman' (and I use that term -very- loosely) to pick up dinner for that first meeting has resulted in hard feelings when we had to tell said gentleman that he wasn't going to be a good fit for our household. In both cases where we had problems, the gentlemen in question started propositioning my Darling at that VERY meal, in one case behind my back when they were dancing, and again two more times, when I went to the rest room and salad bar, and for one gentleman, he actually had the balls to make his offer right in -front- of me. In both cases, the men were -very- gentlemanly. The didn't want to just throw me out on the street, mind you.. they made very nice promises to put me into a comfortable, -separate-, apartment so that the gentlemen in question and my Darling could marry... and in both cases, the gentlemen used the fact that we'd allowed them to pay for that initial meal as 'proof' that my Darling really wanted 'a man to take care of her'... which she does... just on her terms! (Interestingly enough, they didn't seem to think that -I- would want a man to "take care of me"...must be my sarcastic wit... but I have to admit that my Darling is very gorgeous when she gets all done up, and I'd take her, too... oh, wait... I -have- her!) Needless to say, that first meeting is 'neutral territory' now for us. Calla Firestorm

Politesub53 -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 5:11:16 PM)
If i ask someone on a date, i insist i pay. If they want to split bills later i am okay with it, but i still prefer to pay when i can. This doesnt mean i dont think they can pay, or that i expect any favours in return. It just means i like to behave like a gentleman and treat the lady that i am with to a nice date. i wont object if anyone wants to buy me dinner though.

EccentricallyMe -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 5:49:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix Here. I'll settle the question once and for all. The man should pay. Once he pays, he should pay some more. After that, he should pay again. He should still keep paying. He should be picked up by his ankles and shaken until all the loose change comes out of his pockets, along with ancient bits of lint and used mint wrappers. Then he should be forced to take the sofa apart and put his fingers in all the crevices where there are really icky clumps of crumbs from last year's pizza party and large brown stains from spilled Diet Coke in order to find less than a dollar's worth of coinage. Then, he should take this money and buy something - anything - just so that he can pay for it. love it! You are too cute. I think if I'm going out with a slave he better pay, it's a sexy part of the power exchange. Beg me to give me gifts, love it.

subtex -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 6:08:15 PM)
I've found from vanilla dating that some women attach a lot of significance to who pays. I've found out when I was young that insisting on paying can cause some friction. So now I'm flexible. I assume that I will pay but if she offers I accept. I figure if she was just offering to be polite next time she'll know. [:)] Bill

trappedinamuseum -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 6:16:17 PM)
If I initiate the meeting, I usually try to pay. If he asks me first, normally I will at least reach for my wallet so he does not feel obligated. However, normally, the one who has asked me out pays. These are usually just casual first dates. I don't know about an actual relationship, but I would hope it would symbiotic relationship - he cooks, I clean. We take turns buying, etc.

madamekitty -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/13/2008 7:43:07 PM)
I often pay in cases where I make tons more money than the other party, but you know what? I hate paying. Quite a lot. I would rather spend the money on other things, and have been spoiled by too many years of guy picking up the tab. I am a feminist and a Domina, and I don't feel at all put out to have someone else pay. I have thick skin, LOL! And I don't feel obligated to play. I can live without the loose change, but I do prefer someone else to pick up the tab at dinner, for travel, expenses, salon costs, tailor, some clothes and especially rubber and fetish gear ... etc. After all, I DO slather my attention on them! :) I don't see a problem with that ... it makes up for all the BS I put up with from men that I can't control or manage! MK

MsStarlett -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/14/2008 5:29:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtex I've found from vanilla dating that some women attach a lot of significance to who pays. I've found out when I was young that insisting on paying can cause some friction. So now I'm flexible. I assume that I will pay but if she offers I accept. I figure if she was just offering to be polite next time she'll know. [:)] Bill In Vanilla dating, and even in BDSM - when a man pays, there is occasionally the overtone that "I've bought you for the evening. I paid for what you wanted all evening. Now YOU are going to do what I want all night." Example: I started getting messages from a sub male who offered to buy me shoes. Ok, I love that. Sent him the URL for my favorite cheap fetish shoe site. He said he preferred couture. I said fine, that would be nice for a change. Next he told me he was going on a Caribbean vacation and wanted company. I turned him down and explained that I can't be 'bought'. Bribed, maybe. Bought, no. He stopped writing.

hsspode -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/14/2008 5:48:24 AM)
I've always insisted on paying if I asked a girl out...it's just the right thing to do. Later on if she offers to kick in I never had a problem with it. Things get expensive quick if you are going to the right places. I even met a girl on a blind date and the moment I saw her I knew it was not going to work out, yet I still paid. Now, if we are going out to a club I offer her to walk in ahead of me. With ladies nights they can get in free, however if we both arrive at the same time I end up paying double. Same thing with drinks...if she is with friends, get her to go the bar to get drinks or end up paying double for those as well. Somewhat tacky I know, however you have to be able to work the system or it will work you. I will also say that nothing is worse that sitting down eating a nice meal and having a great conversation and that guy with the roses come around and asks you if you would like to buy one for your date...argh. I don't want your crappy rose unless my date will beat me with it later on...[:D]

hsspode -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/14/2008 5:54:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsStarlett Example: I started getting messages from a sub male who offered to buy me shoes. Ok, I love that. Sent him the URL for my favorite cheap fetish shoe site. He said he preferred couture. I said fine, that would be nice for a change. Next he told me he was going on a Caribbean vacation and wanted company. I turned him down and explained that I can't be 'bought'. Bribed, maybe. Bought, no. He stopped writing. Maybe he was just being nice and wanted some company he knew had the same interests.

ChampagneMojito -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/14/2008 8:12:43 AM)
On our first date, my Mistress paid. She insisted, and no matter how much i asked to pay, she politely but firmly declined the offer. It always stayed with me, I was always happy to pick up the tab, but in that moment I saw how kind, generous and dominant she was. It said alot and made a hugely positive impression on me.

Wickad -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/14/2008 7:59:29 PM)
(fast reply) Greetings, I don't really go on 'dates' per se. I do go for coffee with people and get to know them. During this phase I prefer to go dutch as I don't have an established, formal, D/s relationship with the man. If, and when, I establish a D/s relationship, I pay. I believe that in any D/s relationship the Dominant partner pays. I do not feel the gender is relevant in these cases. Just my opinion, your mileage may vary. Wickad

MsStarlett -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/15/2008 5:57:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hsspode Maybe he was just being nice and wanted some company he knew had the same interests. Maybe. But I told him that we needed to have a face to face before making traveling plans. We might not 'click' in real life.

undergroundsea -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/15/2008 11:32:21 AM)
My upbringing teaches me to pay. Over time I have added my philosophy to what my upbringing has taught me. Paying for someone can be a gesture of courtesy or fondness, which is how I like to see it. I do not connect with it as much when it is seen to be a duty, or a necessity to keep one's attention. I appreciate independence and appreciate women who show independence. It is not a make or break matter but in all that adds to the sum, I see this independence as a positive. I also take notice when someone extends the same courtesy to me. I find myself more inclined to extend the courtesy when I see an adequate return of courtesy or energy. Cheers, Sea

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/15/2008 9:22:43 PM)
I would much rather prefere the man find out what I truely would like instead of automatically bringing flower and chocolates, since I don't really like cut flowers, and I don't eat chocolates, since I am trying to stay away from sweets. quote: ORIGINAL: rcf101 Well being a gentleman and nice guy who respects woman and still knows the meaning of chivalry and practices it, the man pays. I know that may make me unpopular but... I still light ladies cigarettes pull out chairs for them, offer my jacket if they are cold, and I always bring flowers and chocolates for my date.

Chi -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/16/2008 5:27:03 AM)
I can't speak for anyone other then myself, therefore, I don't mean to imply a right or wrong, however, if I extend an invitation to a man, woman or child to share dinner or lunch or spend a weekend or a month or year with me, I not only expect to be held responsibile for costs, I consider it my responsibility. I know that does not answer your question and its highly indevidualized but I strongly suspect most men feel as I do.

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/23/2008 12:45:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix Here. I'll settle the question once and for all. The man should pay. Once he pays, he should pay some more. After that, he should pay again. He should still keep paying. He should be picked up by his ankles and shaken until all the loose change comes out of his pockets, along with ancient bits of lint and used mint wrappers. Then he should be forced to take the sofa apart and put his fingers in all the crevices where there are really icky clumps of crumbs from last year's pizza party and large brown stains from spilled Diet Coke in order to find less than a dollar's worth of coinage. Then, he should take this money and buy something - anything - just so that he can pay for it. [sm=biggrin.gif] I'm so glad I decided to read this thread, as I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks Venatrix. M

MissIsis -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/23/2008 12:54:20 AM)
I still appreciate when the man pays, & I still appreciate chivalry.

BKSir -> RE: Who Should Pay?? (10/23/2008 1:10:19 AM)
We go by a pretty simple rule around this house. If I invite/bring it up, I pay. If you invite/bring it up, you pay. Everyone we know has pretty much figured out this rule by now. They don't often bring it up anymore, but, neither do we. Being a chef, they like to just come over to my place and I make dinner. Which I'm cool with. Mmm, chicken curry tomorrow. :)

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