What do you ask? (Full Version)

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feline -> What do you ask? (3/3/2004 5:50:53 PM)

Gentleman, Masters and Doms alike,


i have already asked this of the subs/slaves, and now would like to put the same question to all of you.


What questions do you feel are important to ask a prospective submissive/slave?

Thank you for your time.

[image]local://upfiles/17000/Tr504232770.jpg[/image]



inyouagain -> RE: What do you ask? (3/3/2004 11:35:26 PM)

I found this topic to be interesting and entertaining in the other forums, and am delighted to see it also placed here for other Master/Dom feedback.

My approach is not checklist driven, but rather tailored to the individual. First, I try to establish an open communication with the sub/slave, as I find it much easier and more comfortable, and information flows more freely. This is when I try to establish who the person is, their vanilla lifestyle, profession, likes/dislikes, interests, hobbies, etc.

My 'consistent' lifestyle questions would include those of a nature to determine if our interests and experiences were parallel, and if not, how far away they are. I try to inquire about my particular lifestyle interests of course, but also inquire of the basics (ie. d/d free, drink, smoke, family, health, history, etc).

This will certainly come up here I'm sure, but I usually ask many many questions prior to asking the 'big one':

Do you have a webcam?

Eventually I strategically work myself into position to ask:

Do you have a picture of your boat?

Great topic for commentary across the board, thanks.

Inyouagain



Robinson -> RE: What do you ask? (3/9/2004 9:10:26 AM)

I have a simple question that often leads down many roads.
"Who are you?"
The answers have run the range from blue to soul searching.



ShadowHwk -> RE: What do you ask? (3/9/2004 2:59:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: feline

What questions do you feel are important to ask a prospective submissive/slave?



Do you really want an answer to this:

Section One: General Health Questions:

1. Any STDs?
2. Last incidence of unprotected sex?
3. Last blood test?
4. And other health issues?
5. Have you been diagnosed with any form of mental illness, and if so please give details?
6. Any drug and/or alcohol dependencies?

Section Two: General Life Questions:

1. Your list of interests and hobbies outside of BDSM?
2. What kinds of music do you like/dislike?
3. Do you like outdoor activities (hiking, camping, canoeing)?
4. How do you feel about motorcycles? As a passenger?
5. Do you like to read? If so, what?
6. What is your favorite book?
7. What is your favorite artist?
8. What is your favorite CD?
9. Can you cook? If so what is your favorite dish?
10. What are your favorite foods?
11. Do you get regular exercise?
12. Do you have any children? Do they live with you? If not, why?
13. What is your level of education?
14. What is your career field?

Section Three: Submission/Slavery Questions:

1. How much experience have you had in real life?
2. How much online?
3. Are you currently involved with another Dom/Master?


That's a start. I am sure more will come to me later.

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk



feline -> RE: What do you ask? (3/9/2004 7:16:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk


Do you really want an answer to this:



Yes i do, and Thank You and everyone else very much for "your" responses. [:)]



feline



MstrErik -> RE: What do you ask? (3/10/2004 9:24:19 AM)

All your questions are good standard question. I would add one that I would ask anyone attempting to create a relationship with me. That would be "What are your detailed expectations of a relationship?"

Master Erik



topcat -> RE: What do you ask? (3/13/2004 10:46:41 AM)

"why do you want this sort of relationship?"

- is, I suppose, the really key one. I sometimes have had reason to doubt the sencerity of some prospects, and I have become a little leery of their actual motorvations....



lionofcamelot -> RE: What do you ask? (3/15/2004 8:49:15 AM)

I ask what knowledge and experience they have had. Then I can ascertain where I will need to begin. I have them fill out a limit list. Not to find out what their limits are, but rather where their hot buttons are. I use this to gage if we are compatable sexually and it gives me directions to pursue with the slave.



MistressDREAD -> RE: What do you ask? (12/24/2004 9:41:02 PM)

another short and sweet post that newbies should read...



RealityFix -> RE: What do you ask? (12/25/2004 8:40:03 PM)

What is the dream that brought you here?



sweetkittykat -> RE: What do you ask? (12/26/2004 9:07:12 AM)

ShadowHawk Sir ,
as a submissive i find your lists intelligent, and appropriate also refreshing. I think all the questions you asked are very needed. The question that Eric added I think is good also. I know that i judge how i will proceede with those intial questions. First questions of babe do you swallow, any nude pics, or webcam.. will make me ignore someone very quickly.
kat



Mercnbeth -> RE: What do you ask? (12/26/2004 9:31:07 AM)

quote:

What questions do you feel are important to ask a prospective submissive/slave?


What day, time, and place can we meet? Truly that was the only important question I asked. I wasn't interested in any type of remote relationship or even an on-line getting to know you period. I disclosed EVERYTHING to make the submissive feel safe and comfortable. Many times, I had to insist on security measure that the sub didn't consider.

But ultimately nothing said over a phone or typed into a chat interested me. If they wouldn't or couldn't meet relatively quickly - it indicated a fake or worse, a cheater. I never trusted anyone who hides behind a computer or a phone.

beth and I met one week from first contact. At the time she lived 182 miles from LA



MC2044 -> RE: What do you ask? (12/26/2004 3:57:24 PM)

I also ask "Who are you?", but to that I add "What is it you seek?". Eventually most of the questions Shadowhawk has listed come up to which I add "Are you married, and, if so, does your partner know and approve of your search?" plus "Do you have children, and, if so, how often do they live with you?" I also have to ask "Are you willing to serve in a harem?"



MistressFire70 -> RE: What do you ask? (12/27/2004 7:41:12 AM)

What a great list, ShadowHwk! Thanks for sharing. It certainly sparked a list of my own and reminded me to ask the obvious stuff first.

Fire



MistressFire70 -> RE: What do you ask? (12/27/2004 8:50:13 AM)

Taking ShadowHwk's great list and rewritting it for myself, I came up with these.

I. General Health Questions:
A. What are your major health issues, including mental health?
B. Do you have or have you had any drug and/or alcohol dependencies, past or present? If so, what is or has been your treatment program?
C. Do you have or have you had any STDs, including HIV? Please give dates of diagnosis/treatments.
D. Have you had the Hep B series of vaccinations?
E. Do you get regular exercise? If so, what kind(s) of exercise?

II. General Life Questions:
A. Do you have any children? Do they live with you? If not, why?
B. What is your level of education?
C. What is your career field?
D. Why did you choose this field and are you happy in it?
E. What kinds of books do you like/dislike? What is your favorite book?
F. What kinds of music do you like/dislike? Who is your favorite musician or what is your favorite band?
G. What kinds of movies do you like/dislike? What are some of your favorite movies?
H. What kinds of foods do you like/dislike? What are your favorite foods?
I. What are your basic spiritual beliefs?
J. What are your fears in life as well as just those creepy fears, like spiders?
K. What do you feel has been your greatest accomplishment?
L. What are your best qualities?
M. What are your worst qualities?

III. Submission/Slavery Questions:
A. What real-time experiences have you had? Why did you like or dislike these experiences?
B. Do you participate in online Ds scenes? If so, why do you like or dislike these scenes?
C. Are you currently involved with another Domme/Mistress? If so, who and why are you looking?
D. What things do you feel are true needs for you in an Ms relationship?
E. What are you play limits?
F. What service skills do you bring to an Ms relationship?
G. What other skills do you bring to an Ms relationship?
H. Are you interested in relocating for the right person/relationship?
I. Do you currently participate in local BDSM groups? If not, why not?
J. Have you ever attended a large Leather event, such as TiL, Southwest Leatherfest, SELF, BR or Ohio Leatherfest?
K. Does spirituality play a part in your Leather lifestyle?
L. If you are given a task, do you like to know exactly how to do it (process oriented) or would you rather do it how you like (outcome oriented)?
M. Do you prefer to be given a task you know you can complete or one that is challenging?
N. Would you be comfortable in a Leather household in which you may be one of several subs/slaves?
O. Do you expect romance and romantic love to be a part of a Master/slave relationship?
P. Do you expect sex and sexual acts to be a part of a Master/slave relationship? If so, what do you expect?
Q. Would you be comfortable with a cuckolding dynamic where you are expected to be monogamous (unless otherwise directed) with a Mistress who is poly?

IV. Essays:
A. What are your definitions of a submissive and a slave? How are they similar and how do they differ?
B. How did you come to realize that you are a sub/slave?
C. Why do you feel the need to serve?
D. Describe a typical day in service to your Mistress.
E. What is the difference between your fantasies and realities of Ms?
F. Describe the roles you see a submissive, slave and a Mistress playing in a real 24/7 relationship (skip the fantasy).
G. How do you propose to serve your Mistress and improve the quality of her life?
H. What is most motivating to you (praise, humiliation, etc.) and why?
I. What is the best way to truly punish (we’re not talking about a punishment ‘scene’ here) you and why?

Fire



sweetkittykat -> RE: What do you ask? (12/27/2004 11:12:08 PM)

MistressFire70 thank you so much for the added questions,,,
i cannot tell you how happy i would be to have a dominate really ask this stuff.
i know that in my search as a submissive , i am using the information i have gathered here to interview perspective Dominates as well.
Again thanks for helping me on my journey,
kat



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