RE: Fighting back?

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myotherself -> RE: Fighting back? (10/11/2008 11:08:45 PM)
Think about using an 'amber' safeword instead of relying on the 'red'. I find that I struggle to use the 'red' until things have got to an unbearable point, and I always feel disappointed and angry that things have to stop. Instead, I use 'amber' which means 'I'm getting to a point where this is quickly going to become unbearable - slow down, or try something else'. This really works well for me. Perhaps you could use this to mean 'I'm beginning to lose self-control - do something else (perhaps stop the pain and do some humiliation, or whatever)' Just a thought... MoS ps. I also enjoy the fighting back - nothing is hotter than being overpowered by a man who laughs at my attempts to fight him...hehe

NumberSix -> RE: Fighting back? (10/11/2008 11:14:58 PM)
I am glad that you can remain cogent while shit occurs. Most of what I get is bllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmppppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhh slobber, slobber,slobber. The thing is, when you are in it, it is a continuum, not discrete. And women have this certain reluctance to say anything anyway, they just cant get that baby, hit that motherfucker right there, right now outta their mouths, way to shy when they are tied up and being slapped upside the head with a dick, I have never understood that but yeah, there is do something else, do that but not so goddamn silly, all kinda colors in the rainbow...... 6

CalifChick -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 7:46:15 AM)
6, you're doing the wrong women. Just sayin'. Cali

kyraofMists -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 7:46:39 AM)
This happens often with me, almost every time we play and I do not do anything to try and overcome it. When I want to fight back, then I do. Our one rule during play is to not think about whether the behavior is appropriate or not, we are to just react. If he doesn't like the reaction that he gets, then he takes steps to control it. He learned very quickly what things trigger my fight response and when he wants a fight, he pushes those buttons. This is the way he likes to play. He wants his partners to be completely uninhibited during play. That means if I want to run, then I run. If I want to fight back, then I fight back. If I want to laugh, I laugh.... The only inappropriate behavior during play is to suppress my reactions to what he is doing. Knight's Kyra

kyraofMists -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 7:54:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bkftl dont just sucker punch em... I guess that depends on the top. I have punched, kicked and bit him. I have grabbed his toys and tried to use them on him. I have slapped him in the face, spit water on him, mocked him, cursed him and he loved it. He brought me to a place where my inhibitions were stripped and I just reacted to what he did. I imagine he gets a great power rush over getting me to that place. Knight's Kyra

DesFIP -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:11:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! Yeah, I hate that too. I swear one of these days I am going to get up and lie across him from the other side, just so it can come out even!

tkenslve -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:16:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! my comment was to whip around and say "It's a big ass, i KNOW there is more space to hit." He just laughed at me and hit the same area a few more times just cause He can. LOL

servantheart -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:17:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! I've often wondered why they tend to focus on one cheek as well. Not like they have to stretch far to get to the other one [:D]

servantheart -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:18:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tkenslve quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! my comment was to whip around and say "It's a big ass, i KNOW there is more space to hit." He just laughed at me and hit the same area a few more times just cause He can. LOL LOL!

celticlord2112 -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:26:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: servantheart quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! I've often wondered why they tend to focus on one cheek as well. Not like they have to stretch far to get to the other one [:D] Blame the slave for having such a delectable cheek![8D]

mistoferin -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:28:25 AM)
I've read your OP several times and I'm not really sure how to respond because for me, I don't really consider myself "into" our scenes until that moment that we start hitting that fight or flight stuff. That's where it all really begins for me. What do I do from there? Well, it really depends on where he wants me to go. Sometimes I fight...knock down, drag out, if I get my hands on you I will rip your face off fight. That is powerful, energizing, and draining. Most times though I don't get to go there. I generally don't get to go there in public scenes because that type of scene can be really disruptive to other scenes in a public play space. Sometimes fighting just isn't what he wants from me. So when I don't get to fight he usually pushes me hard past that response. Once you realize your attempts at fighting it are futile...you either resolve yourself to it and accept it....or you become overwhelmed by it. Either way is acceptable to me and can lead me to a space I ultimately enjoy being in. Whether it's full blown subspace or just "demolished wreck", both of those places make me feel small in his arms afterward.

servantheart -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 9:31:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: ORIGINAL: servantheart quote: ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718 I have noticed when he hits his favorite spot over and over and over it starts to make me mad. lol I've even said a couple times that I have TWO cheeks not one. lol hmm.....Thanks! I've often wondered why they tend to focus on one cheek as well. Not like they have to stretch far to get to the other one [:D] Blame the slave for having such a delectable cheek![8D] [:)]

dualityinmotion -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 10:00:44 AM)
Thank you for this thread...I "flee"...and it has cost me relationships. (probably just as well since the bottom line was, i felt unsafe or i wouldn't have wanted to flee). Learning I'm not alone in these feelings and seeing how others handle it helps me.

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 10:10:33 AM)
myotherself: I think that might be a good idea. I really hate using red and sometimes when I even say yellow I should be saying red. lol I'm just hardheaded. Maybe we need to come up with some other safewords than the stop light system. kyra: I guess that maybe I shouldnt hold back. I'm very new only a year under my belt. I need to talk to Sir about that. I know he likes to fight...hmm wonder if he would be willing to fight with me. Just I thought there must be something wrong with me to act like that. I mean I get mad and want to beat the heck out of him. DesFIP: Yeah..if I wasnt tied down I might do that. He loves the upper right ass cheek for some reason. That poor cheek gets beat way too much. lol tkenslve: LOL Nice! servantheart: Right. I mean maybe if I wiggled a hit would land on the left cheek every once in a while. lol mistoferin: I understand what your talking about, its just sometimes I really start to have very bad thoughts toward him and that ends up upsetting me. Maybe me fighting back and not holding anything back will work. We will have to see if he wants to try it out. Thank you again everyone!

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 10:12:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dualityinmotion Thank you for this thread...I "flee"...and it has cost me relationships. (probably just as well since the bottom line was, i felt unsafe or i wouldn't have wanted to flee). Learning I'm not alone in these feelings and seeing how others handle it helps me. hug You are VERY welcome. I told Sir last night that I hope this thread helps someone out besides us. If so then it was worth me being nervous about posting this. :-) Feel free to contact me on the other side if you wish to talk.

CaraCaeth -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 2:37:55 PM)
While i've never wanted to fight back, i have had times when i've felt very resentful and i've noticed it seriously decreases my pain threshold and tolerance levels. Usually this happens if i feel that Master has been particularly not understanding of my feelings, although sometimes it's influenced by things in my daily life putting me in a bad mood. But i've also found that 1) it helps me to work up, starting with softer taps and gradually working up harder and longer (in the same play session, not in multiple sessions); and 2) that having OCD i can't stand to have things unbalanced! Like spanking one cheek instead of alternating between the two drives me nutz! And some days i just can't take as much as others; while i always feel guilty about asking Master to stop, He has never chastized me for it which helps tremendously.

DesFIP -> RE: Fighting back? (10/12/2008 5:50:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tkenslve my comment was to whip around and say "It's a big ass, i KNOW there is more space to hit." He just laughed at me and hit the same area a few more times just cause He can. LOL Ooh, can I use that please?

antipode -> RE: Fighting back? (10/13/2008 6:56:13 PM)
A safeword is for the anger to stop. I think your anger may be based on your (subconscious?) expectation that your master will somehow sense you've reached your limit, and he hasn't. Perhaps you can devise a way (together) that has an intermediate effect - not a safeword, but not a "carry on" either. Anger is a signal, a communication, and generally perfectly legitimate. I dread safewords, because subs often don't use them, and I expect it is mostly because they expect that bond is there. This is hard, because women are much more pain resistant than men, and so we have no yardstick....

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Fighting back? (10/13/2008 7:26:34 PM)
Thanks again everyone for your wonderful advice. I shall be on the look out next time for things that trigger my moods.

ranja -> RE: Fighting back? (10/14/2008 9:22:57 AM)
Fighting back can be so very hot. Sometimes i will give Master the leather cuffs and ask if He cares to put them on me...and then i will try everything in my power to have Him fail to do so...the exact point i know that i am beat is just exquisit. With pain i do not feel i want to fight back, i make noises though i think He hears how much i can take, or i might try to pull away if i can.

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