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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 6:06:58 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AbstractSavant

It frustrates me, because this reminds me of listening to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. Anytime a girl calls in saying she is a submissive into BDSM, they automatically assume she was abused/molested/raped as a child.

Lets say for a minute that tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber are right and i am submissive cause i was abused as a child (note: no i wasn't)

What does this say about the Dom's out there, they musta been abusive children to make the first generalization true...what did they do....hit mommy in the head with their bottles....pee in her face when being changed?

If abuse makes someone submissive, then it only makes sense that being abusive would make you dominant.

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 6:13:20 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

Lets say for a minute that tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber are right and i am submissive cause i was abused as a child (note: no i wasn't)

What does this say about the Dom's out there, they musta been abusive children to make the first generalization true...what did they do....hit mommy in the head with their bottles....pee in her face when being changed?

If abuse makes someone submissive, then it only makes sense that being abusive would make you dominant.

Very well said :)

(in reply to orfunboi)

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 7:40:51 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
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No abuse here. I was raised in a very middle class suburban home outside Chicago by both of my hard-working parents. Lots of love and trust and good times. Some hard times but I don't seem to remember much of those; only that they existed and we got thru them.

Please remember that 'normal' people like to use statistics to show how being abused or having an unhappy childhood leads to BDSM and criminal activity. The first thing you learn in a Stats class in college is that statistics can be manipulated to show anything that the statistion wants them too. If he/she is being paid to find the correlation between abusive childhoods and BDSM you can bet there will be a correlation in his/her findings.

Don't let it worry you. I really believe that most of the people into BDSM today are just good normal people who want something different or special to make them happy. I don't think it has a darned thing to do with abusive pasts, criminal activity or anything else except their own desires.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 12/8/2005 7:42:07 AM >

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 11:09:55 AM

blackdomuk

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Joined: 10/20/2004
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i guess my interest in the bdsm scene started when i started watching sub/dom films
and decided to see if i could fit in but sadly i dont fit in at all..frankly i think the lifestyle sucks big time and i dont think im missing out on anything worthwhile.

< Message edited by blackdomuk -- 12/8/2005 11:11:09 AM >

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 11:29:56 AM

MHOO314

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I'm normal, I just liked being in charge and being marvelously wicked--

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 11:55:24 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
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Luggage, past bad experiances, childhood trauma.....

I would like to think that for what ever reason one might want to use as an "excuse" they also know that it's a choice.

I have luggage, trauma,experiances, but i still choose to live my life as I do, not because of any other reason.

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 2:04:36 PM

MasterRobert1

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Joined: 7/18/2005
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I grew up in a typical family. No trauma. No baggage. Had a wonderful childhood. But, hey, maybe it's just "me".

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/9/2005 8:28:24 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackdomuk

i guess my interest in the bdsm scene started when i started watching sub/dom films
and decided to see if i could fit in but sadly i dont fit in at all..frankly i think the lifestyle sucks big time and i dont think im missing out on anything worthwhile.

i read something you posted along these same lines about a week ago....if the lifestyle sucks so much, why are you still here bitching about it?

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/9/2005 10:41:46 AM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

People react to abuse different. Some can't face their demons and commit suicide. Some do turn to S&M and feel they need that grasp, or lack, of control. But please keep in mind that not all of us are scarred by abuse. Not every single one of us throw it up in conversation and use it as a bargaining chip, excuse, or pity party. Some of us come thru it stronger, more tolerant, and more compassionate.

KCMOLucky

Such wise words. IMO, abusive men generally experienced or at least observed abusive behavior in their childhoods..and it became imprinted on them. i myself have no faith at all that an abusive man can change, but it's certainly worth trying something.

KCMO is exactly right; people finding their way out of an abusive childhood are compelled to choose one of two paths: to become abusive themselves; or to become kind, empathitic, and protective. KCMO is also right in that people who experienced abuse and chose the empathtc route are stronger, shinier, and generally operating at a level above people who have had happy childhoods and have never had to make life-or-death decisions.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/9/2005 10:51:33 AM >

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/9/2005 10:59:23 AM

Understudy

Posts: 18
Joined: 6/5/2005
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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Yes, you are that unusual, you are basically normal happy and well adjusted. The probably puts you in the minority. How can you go from day to day without some drama in your life? You couldn't possibly just enjoy each day now then could you?
Do you realize this upsets the balance? Next thing people will have self esteem and be happy. That is like Dogs and Cats living together. You are going to bring about the end of the world!
Ain't sarcasm great. :)

I am another happy well adjusted individual with no baggage except for my wife when I have to pack her in the suitcase. I grew up in a real life version of the Addams Family. Yeah my parents were twisted but they loved me, cared for me, nutured me, and punished me when I screwed up. Okay so tying up all 300 of my sisters stuffed animals was not the acceptable action but I started early. Man was my sister pissed. No appreciation for all my good rope work at age 11.

Sincerely,
Brendhan

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/9/2005 12:51:07 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
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quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80

I'm pretty new to the whole lifestyle as far as real life. I've been observing the internet for a couple years or so and only got more interested as time went on. So I'm finally making the move to observing real life.
And that wasn't meant to be a self-plug (no pun intended), but oh well.
So I was talking to a couple of new friends the other day and they had mentioned that they had some traumatic issues in their past. Not that unusual really. But then I mentioned that I have no baggage, no tragic history, nothing horrible that has ever happend to me. And they were simply shocked that I could be interested in BDSM and not have had something bad happen to me that drove me to it. Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM? I've noticed the trend that a lot of people who are interested in the lifestyle HAVE had something happen to them. But is it really THAT unusual not to?

Other than lifes usual bumps and bruises I have no extroidenary trauma. I don't have any abuse as a child or an adult in my history. No mental illness issues. And while my parents were divorced I grew up in a very loving and supportive family that I am still very close with.

C~

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RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/9/2005 1:48:11 PM

sweetpettjenny

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Joined: 11/7/2004
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As yourself, I grew up in a "normal" family, with no real issues growing up. Id say more average people are wired this way , it doesn't mean there is trauma or past baggage involved to get us where we are now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80

I'm pretty new to the whole lifestyle as far as real life. I've been observing the internet for a couple years or so and only got more interested as time went on. So I'm finally making the move to observing real life.
And that wasn't meant to be a self-plug (no pun intended), but oh well.
So I was talking to a couple of new friends the other day and they had mentioned that they had some traumatic issues in their past. Not that unusual really. But then I mentioned that I have no baggage, no tragic history, nothing horrible that has ever happend to me. And they were simply shocked that I could be interested in BDSM and not have had something bad happen to me that drove me to it. Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM? I've noticed the trend that a lot of people who are interested in the lifestyle HAVE had something happen to them. But is it really THAT unusual not to?

(in reply to servingwench80)

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Post #: 32