RE: BDSM - it's not about sex

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM - it's not about sex

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 6:51:27 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domblank

Yea? who are we kidding, now I know I am going to get the people coming in here saying 'its about the spiritual aspects' and yes I agree to a degree
BUT
see how many people here without a photo/compared to how many with ...and then ask what the difference in mail volume is..
this is ultimately about attraction, hence no photo, no initial attraction, no one cares about how well you write or what your likes and dislikes are initially, they just want to see how hot you'd look tied up

opinions plz

My opinion is that you don't know what the fuck you are trying to complain about. Of course, your opinion matters very little when you consider that you are only one person.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 21

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 6:51:46 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domblank
see how many people here without a photo/compared to how many with ...and then ask what the difference in mail volume is..

It isn't necessarily about volume. Volume can get annoying, but one nice email from someone who becomes even just a friend is wonderful.

this is ultimately about attraction, hence no photo, no initial attraction, no one cares about how well you write or what your likes and dislikes are initially, they just want to see how hot you'd look tied up

Speak for yourself. That is not why I look at people's pictures. If I am not considering someone for something serious & intimate, I really could care less about their photo or what they look like. If I am considering something more, I do like to see a pic for 2 reasons: 1. I want to see their eyes. Is there something about them that attracts me, or something about them that gives me the creepers. For some reason, a person's eyes give me a sense of who they are. 2. I want to see if when I meet them, the picture matches who they say they are. Does their age match up to the pic they sent? Does their weight match up? Does they look anything now, like they did when the photo was sent to me, or put up? If not, it gives me reason to question their honesty, which is very important to me.

< Message edited by MissIsis -- 10/12/2008 6:52:07 AM >

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 6:56:21 AM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

Some of us have no profile active and no pictures up at the moment. I'm not really interested in meeting anybody, I have somebody who I'm involved with at the moment.

I will say this, she responded to my profile because of both my picture and what I had written on my profile.

In terms of physical appearence many people are aware of the factor this plays in their choice for a partner or not. This is a bit of a no brainer for anybody who's looking to meet somebody for a relationships be it BDSM, D/s or non-BDSM non-D/s one. This applies equally here on CM as it does on Yahoo Dating or Match dot bomb.

This is not a BDSM issues or a D/s issues or a Lifestyle issue, it's just basic human nature. Ok, so why the OP with this rant or bitch?

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 23

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:01:15 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

The difference in mail volume is that without a picture, you don't show up on the radar, your profile doesn't come up on top.

Most people who write to me do so after reading something I wrote here, or stumbling across my journal. Unless it is someone from my town, I rarely get people just on the other side.

For me, this isn't about getting laid. If it's about that for you, more power to ya.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to RichieB)

Post #: 24

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:07:01 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

For me, this isn't about getting laid.

lol lets not assume all people with pics just want to fuck
(else I am very disappointed in my results..lol)

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 25

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:12:41 AM

RichieB

Posts: 87
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

For me, this isn't about getting laid. If it's about that for you, more power to ya.

Cali

Iam not looking to have sex with anyone.

Rich

_____________________________

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 26

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:15:18 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

For me, this isn't about getting laid.

lol lets not assume all people with pics just want to fuck
(else I am very disappointed in my results..lol)

She did not say that it was her opinion that those with pictures only wanted to get laid. She responded to the OP's assumption that only those with pictures were looking to get laid.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:15:23 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

BDSM is not about sex for me. It -may- be an aspect for my Darling, but a lot of times, we have different needs in servants, so she has her favorites and I have mine.

Now for me, BDSM is about blood, power (authority), and pain... and having at least one of those, and preferably at least two in place is not optional. *smiles*

I have a picture (several in fact) on my profile.

I am 46 years old, and very generously packaged.

I get a fair amount of mail every day.

It -still- isn't about sex (defined as intercourse, oral, mutual masturbation, etc.) for me.

What this is about for -me- may have nothing at all to do with what it's about for my Darling... or what it's about for you.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:16:18 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
She did not say that it was her opinion that those with pictures only wanted to get laid. She responded to the OP's assumption that only those with pictures were looking to get laid.

ah ok
I mis understood , thank you for explaining

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 29

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:16:50 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Thank you Mist, exactly.

Cali
(sadly crosses JustDarkness off her list of people she just wants to fuck at some point... since he wants more)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 7:53:01 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

For some it is about sex...for others, it is not. At the end of the day, it is not about the quantity of emails you get, but the quality of them - we are most of us looking for that -one- that is compatible to the majority of our needs and desires...and those needs and desires are not always sexual...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 8:11:27 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I have several photos. I get under 20 emails a month. Most of them are from people or friend on the forum asking a question or making a comment about something I've posted.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 32

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 8:16:16 AM

teensub

Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

this is ultimately about attraction, hence no photo, no initial attraction, no one cares about how well you write or what your likes and dislikes are initially, they just want to see how hot you'd look tied up /quote]

My masters first message to me made me instantly get butterfly's, his words were so powerful that honestly, thats what grabbed me at first. I must admit, i was a little bit worried about viewing his profile picture, as i think it does help if someone is attractive to you, no matter what people say. When i did view his photo i had the biggest smile, he was handsome, clever and amazing with words. So although his first message grabbed my attention and made my heart flutter , it was also important for there to be some kind of physical attraction

Here we are one year later and his words still get me as girly, silly and hot as they first did 12 months ago.

_____________________________

L.pickle

(in reply to RichieB)

Post #: 33

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 8:23:13 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I didn't meet him here, I met him on b.com and neither of us had pics up.
We've been together five years. And he still thinks I look hot tied up.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RichieB)

Post #: 34

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 8:44:13 AM

teensub

Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

okay i haven't got the hang of this whole message board lark yet.

i meant to quote only the top section of my message, not the rest of it lol

_____________________________

L.pickle

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 9:40:06 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Some people are this shallow.

Same old tired response... hope it didn't take you long to think that one up.

Everyone who factors appearance into the mix is not shallow. I hate to have to be the one to break that to you.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 36

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 10:15:57 AM

JumpingJax

Posts: 155
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Although I mostly search profiles with pictures. I do on occassion give profiles without pictures a turn. I have emailed people with and without photos.

The way I see it looks start out being very important and slowly decrease in importance as you meet someone. If the person's looks don't attract to you but you take the time to get to know them you might see the real beauty that they have. On the other hand take the greatest fox fantasy girl and let her open her mouth. If it turns out she's a bitch, well that is what you will see every time you look at her. Looks or no looks.

As for BDSM and sex.... Hell no this isn't just about sex. I'm sure I'd be lying to say Sex isn't a factor some where - but really that has little interest in me.
If all I wanted was sex, I'm probably a lot better at just sticking to masturbating, frankly I'm pretty damm good at it and it's the ultimate in no strings attached sex. Much cheaper and definitly qualifies as safe sex.

What I want is so much more a mental aspect to it. Someone who I can connect to mental, who I can take a person pride in making that sub happy and helping them grow as a person. Someone who I plan to have a long term relationship hopefully for life with.

Besides the best I can tell this BDSM lifestyle is hard work. There are a lot easier ways to just get laid.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 37

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 10:57:20 AM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

This topic is one of the most common ones.

I'm guilty of looking at pictures rather than reading profiles, I'm a very visual person, I don't know that is a bad thing. Sexual attraction is the ice breaker that leads to other things. Occasionally I do read a profile or a journal but I find: the journal is often some meaningless rant about the messages they’ve received or other bad experiences they've had whilst the profile is someone saying: "I'm unique, I like these things, I don't like those things." I don't need to read a profile to know that because I can look at their list of interests, everyone is unique so saying that is worthless also. The only part of a profile I take notice of is the part that describes what they are looking for from this site if anything. From that I can get an idea of if that person is worth contacting because they are looking for similar things to me.

Profiles with photos get more messages than those without, that is a fact that can be easily verified. It's always debatable as to what someone likes to read in a profile but there is no debate as to what attracts people to a profile, unless people think it's realistic that people intentionally set out to read random extracts of text or are attracted to certain nicknames. In my case I'm attracted to a profile based on photo 80%, nickname 20% there is no other variable at that stage to consider. I read profiles of people that post on the message board that catch my eye in terms of how they write and the opinions they have. I like those that are forthright and confident i.e. those that can go against a trend to say what they think rather than just falling in line behind others and agreeing. The message board contains a fraction of the total members on the site though.

It's not just the primary photo that counts either. Anyone that has been on the browse photos option will see that a person’s profile pictures come up in sequence, therefore the more you have and the more striking they are the better chance you'll catch the eye of people using the browse photos option but that'll be a random person with nothing in common with you and nowhere near you geographically so it probably isn't that important after all.

I wrote this amount because I was at a loose end, I've definitly said it all before.

< Message edited by Raechard -- 10/12/2008 10:58:36 AM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to Domblank)

Post #: 38

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 12:38:39 PM

teensub

Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

When i first joined this site, i had no picture up for a few days, i got about 6 messages, as soon as i put a picture up i was honestly getting about 3 pages a day worth of mail.

I think it helps if people know who they are talking to, altho on this site some of the peoples pictures arent even real.

_____________________________

L.pickle

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 39

RE: BDSM - it's not about sex - 10/12/2008 12:57:59 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Perhaps those that use CollarMe as a dating service think it is about both BDSM and physical attraction whether the physical side is spurred by sex, ego or affection.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to teensub)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM - it's not about sex

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078