RE: Soul Ache (Full Version)

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lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/13/2008 9:09:32 PM)

Understood, as I have a professional background in mental health.  I do not respond favorably to meds, but do spend a lot of time when it is needed working through alternatives with a qualified therapist.  I am not officially diagnosed because I don't actually meet the criteria.

lovingpet



RCdc -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 1:54:29 AM)

From your postings, I would not assess nor assume you are diagnoisable.  And you say yourself you don't fit the criteria.
 
BDSM aside, relationships are emotional.  But instead on wishing the emotion away, use it positively.
It's really ok to feel at a loss, to feel upset, anger, pain.  It's really ok to be pissed off because you aren't going to be in bondage or feel that flogger.  It's really ok to miss interacting with your friend.
 
When Darcy and I were not living together, I ached incredibly.  It's a deep, sickening ache.  I had my tears and moments of 'losing it'.  I tried self improvement, which rocked - like cooking and painting - but there are still days that you feel so low, all you wnat to do is curl up in a blanket and go 'fuck the world - this seperation sucks'.
And it is ok to go hide under the duvet for a short while, it really is.
 
But channel the frustration.  Start a blog or something - with you lovingpet, I could see a great deal of really helpful words spill out - not only for you but for others too because you have that writing ability.
 
The ache sucks, but it is also a great feeling.  It shows you care.  It shows you have something to believe in.  It shows your emotion and highlights it and makes you human.  And that has got to rock.
 
the.dark.



allyC -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 2:23:29 AM)

Hello, lovingpet... Were we related in a past life?  I swear as I started reading your original post, I was thinking... "hey... get out of my head!"  :) *wink* Well wishes, -Cav's ally



lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 5:19:13 AM)

the.dark,

Thank you so much for the kind words.  I am not much one for feeling the need for affirmation of my feelings, but it is comforting to know that it really is okay to just respond to life as myself and that not mean there is something wrong with me as a person.  Expect cmail soonish, if I crawl out of bed later that is.

ally,

Glad I am not the only one out there like this!  It's wonderful!  It sucks doesn't it?  I know you understand exactly what that meant.

lovingpet



allyC -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 5:34:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet It's wonderful!  It sucks doesn't it? 
 Yes!  and Yes! :) Well wishes!



mjsinsolentone -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 8:15:20 PM)

Loving pet,

I don't think there is a person here that can't relate to that feeling in one way or another on some level be it Dom or sub. When you finally do get a chance to talk to your Dom friend about it I would bet He shares your feelings on some level. That alone makes it validated enough to come up with the solution that works well for the two of you. Exchange pillow cases with a scent that you both like or each other's perfume or cologne The sense of smell is the strongest in the body, and it alone is powerful enough to connect 2 souls from any distance; as it brings memories of times together to the surface during sleep. Also take a moment out of each day to communicate in some form as it forces the external things to stop for that one moment that you can claim just for the two of you. Good luck as I know how it feels to ache on that level!......



lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 9:29:25 PM)

Yes, he has communicated feeling the same way.  We do try to communicate every day.  It is very rare that we don't, but it has happened.  Those days are the worst because there is just that void and silence.  Thank you for your kind words!  We are supporting each other through this until at long last we can be reunited. 

lovingpet



apettiger -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 10:12:31 PM)

my Tamer is an over the road truck driver and is not even in the state right now nor has He been for about a month now
i dont get that soul ache so much when he is at least in the same state as i, but when he is not, like now , , , , , , , , , ,



cravesdom -> RE: Soul Ache (10/14/2008 10:18:44 PM)

Your post really spoke to me. I am pretty emotional to begin with and then I went and fell in love with someone who lives half a country away from me. It was tough, until we got to meet and spend a week together. Then he flew home and I literally fell apart. I cried so often it was pathetic. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself that he was so far away and I was still here. It literally took me weeks before I felt better. I had all of my friends worried as well as my love.

I wish I could say there was some magic thing that made me feel better, but there wasn't. I just sat down and reminded myself of all the very positive things there were in my life. I reminded myself that this type of love does not come along every day. I reminded myself of how incredibly lucky I am to have found someone as incredible as him and to have him in my life, every single day, even if it is only his voice on the phone or an email or seeing him on a webcam. I reminded myself that this missing him is only temporary and that eventually we will be together again. I told myself that I wasn't going to let my emotions rule my life.

Yes, I still miss him incredibly. Yes, I still want him here more than anything else in the world. But I am coping with my feelings and living my life in the meantime. I don't know if any of that helps, but I wish you the best.



Araven -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 12:41:36 AM)

Very much so, i get this sort of 'soul ache' that you speak of. It could be as simple as just a day and a half away. The ache is there when I am not with my beloved Mistress.




babygurlrides -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 9:23:10 AM)

lovingpet, my heart goes out to you. On the bright side, you do seem to have a thorough understanding of yourself, which is a great plus. And it also sounds like you have a lot of support.
I wonder... it would seem to me that most people who are drawn into this lifestyle feel things deeply?
When I start slippping into that dark place, I eat!!!



lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 10:04:35 AM)

Thanks so much all of you!  It does the most good to know I am not alone.  It makes the ride great deal less intimidating. 

I cherish any moment I get to have with him.  Whether it be a message in my inbox, a chat over IM, or, soon I hope, time together in person.  We both want this separation to be over soon.  In the meantime, however, we will continue to hold on in the ways we are able and I know I have some great support from folks here.  Again thanks to all!

lovingpet



oceanwynds -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 2:40:20 PM)

Hello LovingPet
Soul ache is no stranger to me. The ache and pain is real, and lives in the many journals that I have written throughout my lifetime. I feel things intensely and always will. I just learned how to deal with it better , though there still are times that I will just lay on the couch or bed covered in sobs. I miss Sir and to be honest there are times I still have to deal with the ache within my soul for my late husband. Somedays, I feel like i am just plain looney tunes. I have though also learned that this ache within me needs to be channel out in some creative form. By doing this the ache lifts from me, and a new day can be enjoyed. You are not alone in this world dealing with this ache. It tears at many hearts and make them bleed, but then we can go through it and be alright. It has not killed me, but made me grow. I read a lot of Caroline Myss material as well as Louis Hay. You might find some comfort in their books and wisdom to apply in your life.

Blessings
oceanwynds 



lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 3:00:49 PM)

I will look up these authors.  Thank you for your kind post.  I know it is difficult to survive the loss of a spouse.  I still struggle with my late husband's death nearly 10 years later. It is not a pain that goes away completely.  There was a level of soul connection with us that I have not achieved with anyone else until now.  I know I am so very fortunate to get a twice in a lifetime.  I guess sometimes the fear of the crushing pain from the first time sometimes invades what should be contentment and happiness.

There are good days and bad days.  Right now even the good days are touched with sadness.  I know there will be an end.  It just is not clear when that day will come.  I do hope this thread is a place of comfort for those that have a night that's too quiet or a time apart that is just too long. 

lovingpet



subNsuit -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 3:28:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
Do you get a terrible soul ache when it has been too long or the distance too far? 


my Master is in Iraq.....my soul desperately aches....hope and faith are my comfort.
 
depths,
~donna~





lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/15/2008 3:39:03 PM)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Master.  It is always my hope that all the troops can come home soon.

lovingpet



vampchick88 -> RE: Soul Ache (10/16/2008 1:09:46 PM)

 To me it sounds like your normal, because with pet and I having 800+ miles between one another I am prone to find lows and highs. Some days its easier, some its harder. Espeically when something really stressful or hard is going on around me. It can be very distressing when you want, or need something but it doesn't happen right away. It could also be a bit of mild depression. Lows get very low to points where you feel like you don't know what to do with yourself or how to continue on. Then when you get what you seek your happy for a while. Take one day at a time, also trying to find something to get my mind off of things usually helped. I hope things work out.



lovingpet -> RE: Soul Ache (10/16/2008 4:14:30 PM)

Thank you for your response!

There is a lot going on  right now to the point I really don't know what is normal or what each day will hold.  With this comes the need to have steadfastness of my partner.  There are other things that are needed, but stability and release are primary at this point.  Neither are quite as complete as they are when we are together.  I do my best to remain patient and focus on the day when the long wait will finally be over.

lovingpet



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