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Jeptha -> ~Magic words or pithy phrases...? (10/14/2008 11:18:26 AM)
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~Are there any particular words that someone has said that stand out for you in terms of giving you an understanding of how to proceed with some aspect of your relationship?
Words that helped you operatively to "get it" ....?
I'll give a few examples of things that have stood out for me in my experience-
With one partner, we liked to do some verbal humiliation, mostly in the context of dirty stories that I would make up; fantasies of various punishments I would announce that I was considering employing, or thoughts and fantasies that I would "accuse" her of having and consequently punish her for, etc., etc.
She liked me to talk dirty to her, and I enjoyed it, too, and the one thing that she said early on, with emphasis, when I was asking her what might be *too* much or push it too far when I was weaving these tales was;
"You can't be too dirty" ...!
(...I'm probably dating myself here with the references to sex being "dirty"; that's how it was in the puritanical, salty little New England village where I grew up.)
Anyway, that little phrase helped me get a pretty good idea of the parameters I was working with there.
Another example is when I wanted to treat my partner as my sex toy to do whatever I wanted with. Still, I was checking in with her, probably *too* much (because talking about stuff beforehand is fine, but I need the slow and gradual confirmation of real experience before I become comfortable with something), and she assured me, in effect (though I forget the exact words);
"It's my job to let you know if something's wrong"
Now, that may seem like a pretty obvious thing to others, but for me, in that moment, it was very helpful.
Another example was a partner who told me that she wanted me to consider her like a doll that I possessed, to play with as I wished.
That evocative image helped me get a handle on her concept of her submission, which was very helpful to me.
~Have others had something like this, where a fairly complex thing was explained to you in a fairly short revelatory sentence in such a way that you felt you had a working knowledge of it - at least to begin with?
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PS: I want to sneak in an additional, related question; I've been reading some of the threads here dealing with humiliation. There are many different opinions on that subject, of course; but I'm wondering if there was a time when people who are into it suddenly "got" humiliation (as opposed to just always having been into it, say...)
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