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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Hypothetical Situation (10/17/2008 4:32:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
quote:
ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would like the source of these statistics.... their methodology in whom they consider abused... etc.
Edited to add
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It is estimated that more than 50% of all domestic abuse victims do not even -seek- help, and actively deny that any abuse is taking place
The NOW considers D/s to be abuse, btw.
My family think that I am whipped because I do what he tells me, borderline "abused"
And are we considering just physical abuse, or emotional in there also.. many men I know are emotionally abused by their mates.
julia, I'm not ignoring your question -- I just had some -off computer- stuff to attend to.
Most of the statistics I provided are part of a paper on consensual domestic discipline arrangements and intimate-partner violence that I'm preparing for a upcoming alternative-spirituality clergy meeting in March of next year, and came out of review of the Department of Justice annual briefings and journal articles regarding Intimate Partner Violence (which is the current designation for domestic abuse), and from 27 years of case-files from my own work. I wouldn't have had them on the top of my head, except that the abstract was due Wednesday, and I still had it on my desk. It hasn't been accepted yet (I probably won't hear till December), but that's the background.
The journal articles only include reported incidents of domestic violence, except for 2 recent articles addressing managing discussions about domestic violence with male patients and managing potential intimate partner violence in emergency departments and hospitals, and only includes reported incidents of physical violence, but my own records include both physical and emotional battering, as well as records for individuals in consensual domestic discipline arrangements.
The academic and judicial data make no concession for 'consensual' incidents. All reported incidents in which physical 'assault' between intimate partners was determined to have taken place are categorized into the same pool. The academic reasoning behind individuals not being capable of consenting to assault/battery is that individuals who are afraid of their abuser will often say that the abuse is 'consensual' or 'just rough sex' because they are afraid of retaliation, and therefore, no individual who claims 'consensual' assault/battery can be believed.
Personally, I determine when something is domestic violence by the criteria of whether or not the individuals in question consent to the behavior between them. I get involved as a therapist when one or the other party comes to me and indicates that xhe is experiencing what xhe believes to be domestic violence and that xhe does not agree to it being perpetrated upon hir. Yesterday's consent is irrelevant, in my mind. If an individual comes to be because xhe no longer consents to behavior, and asks for my help, then it becomes my responsibility to help the individuals involved to work out between them something that -does- work for them OR provide access to safe space in the event that the other party (parties) involved continue the non-consensual behavior or refuse to participate in resolution.
Though people may not want to hear it, my personal take on things is that I will not interfere in someone else's relationship until and unless they ask for my help (or if they ask for someone else to fetch me to help). Regardless of what I think I see, or think I hear, or how much someone's family or friends wants to involve me, unless the participants are asking for my help, it is unethical for me to interfere. However, all parties involved do not need to ask for my help in order for me to get involved -- all it takes is one party in the relationship to express dissatisfaction or withdraw consent and ask for my involvement for me to act.
Having been on the receiving end of a consensual domestic discipline relationship where individuals (my ex-husband's new wife and her church/ministerial team, specifically) intruded "for my own good", notified the police -and- CPS, and which cost me access to my children (who were living elsewhere at the time) through civil suit, and nearly cost one of my mates jail time through criminal charges (only resolved because the State could not obtain sufficient evidence to convict because of -very- good, and very expensive legal representation who knew how to have some of the State's evidence declared inadmissible), I tend to be a pretty active opponent of the State's right to press charges against the denial of the victim to press charges and sworn statements that no non-consensual domestic violence has occurred, but a lot of folks disagree with me on this, and organizations like NOW, NNEDV, National Domestic Violence Hotline, and VAWnet have a great deal of political and financial backing.
I also want to say that I don't deny that domestic violence happens -- it's been my experience, backed up by the research that I've examined, that it happens a lot more frequently than is reported... but I -do- absolutely think that the individuals involved have the responsibility for making it clear that they no longer consent by pressing charges when non-consensual violence occurs, and by making use of the resources to assist if they find that they can't get out of a situation on their own.
Anyway, I hope this answers some of your questions, and I'll be happy to address any others through c-mail, so as not to off-track the discussion.
Calla Firestorm
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