quote:

For the true Dominants no pathetic aggresion is needed to control others.

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone


Freud thought aggression was instinctual, that turns out to be wrong. But there is a possibilty that the behavior itself is a remaining vestige of evolution, a part of the survival instinct. I am not talking about aggression as a hostile act, but rather as a reactive behavior to  a world that is often hostile. Some of us are passive, some of us go with the flow. and some of us rail against....... well we just rail against :)

For me, much of the energy of a BDSM dynamic comes from the varying levels of aggression on the part of the dominant and the reactive aggression or passivity of the submissive, and  this energy constantly flows from dominant to submissive and back. So for me BDSM IS about control, it's just not about control of the submissive. but rather control of oneself. And I believe that this self control is part of the dynamic for both the dominant and the submissive for sure.


An example:

If I lift you by the hair from the chair you are sitting on and shove your face into the wall, pull your cloths down and penetrate you, that is an act of aggression. And how you react, ie do you struggle, do you fight, are you responsive or are you passive, all effect the energy between us.

I doubt that I would ever lose my mind enough to do this to mine, now if it was something she wanted then I would do it in a controlled manner.

My dominance, the power that allows me to do this, only exists due to your consent, so whether or not it is inate or learned is really of no importance, it exists because the power exchange allows it to exist.   And if you grant me authority over you it is true that I am dominant. but it only becomes a reality when I take what I want on my terms.

I agree with this but part of safe, sane, sensual, and consensual says that this type of behavior unrequested means you aren't in control of either of you.

But the ability to accept and control ones aggression is not contractual, it is not an exchange of any kind,  but it may in fact be what separates an abuser from a dominant.

On this we do agree.




A question for dominants and submissives alike:


Do you feel that aggression and passivity are a part of your BDSM dynamic?

If so,in what way(s), and if not, why?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Dominance: The ability and desire to enforce your will on others. It is a fundamentally aggressive thing.

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I think your example shows way to much violence to be an example of D/s. I expect a greeting when I come home and when she provides that for me it is D/s. When I take out the flogger it isn't because I am mad or upset with her it is because she loves it.