I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3

I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (Full Version)

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weregirl -> I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 7:12:21 AM)
I've been dating someone. It's going great; the chemistry is just awesome. I think I'm ready to make with the secks with him about now. The thorn in this side, however? He's had sex all of twice. I've had sex all of thrice. Neither of us have done anything remotely kinky, and I'm pretty sure he's not even into it; however, when he kisses, he kisses like a man who would be into it. Is this wishful thinking? Should I jokingly refer to spanking/handcuffs? Ask him outright what his fetishes are, after telling him one of mine is [mildly kinky thing]. Abandon all hope? Any hope at all would be so greatly appreciated. I adore this man so very, very much so far, but our "talk" today just might be a dealbreaker.

KatyLied -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 7:31:27 AM)
I would not jokingly talk about something if I was serious about hopefully incorporating it into a relationship.

Rover -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 7:57:30 AM)
Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you. John

Dnomyar -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:05:00 AM)
For starters skip steps 1 and 4. Go into this with a positive attitude. Go with what Rover said.

KatyLied -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:44:35 AM)
quote: Go with what Rover said. ::swoon:: [;)]

weregirl -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:55:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I would not jokingly talk about something if I was serious about hopefully incorporating it into a relationship. I don't think I'm so brash when it comes to things like that. He's practically a virgin- and I've never had this sort of experience, either! :/ quote: ORIGINAL: Rover Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you. John I wish I could, heh. I tried!

weregirl -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:56:14 AM)
And now I'm hyperventilating because he misinterpreted me because I'm a social retard and I think I mucked it all up

Rover -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:59:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weregirl quote: ORIGINAL: Rover Tell him about the thoughts you have when he kisses you. John I wish I could, heh. I tried! If you can't tell him directly, then write him a letter (does anyone do that anymore?), note or email. Some things may be easier to say from a distance. John

weregirl -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 9:01:31 AM)
Oh yes, I do write letters-- quite a few people do. Don't fret about that. I'm talking to him via AIM right now, though, because he's leaving for work soon and we have a date tonight. And I'm "too kinky" for him. And now it's incredibly awkward. But everyone's advice is so vastly appreciated! Believe it or not, you're peer pressuring me (in the best possible way) through this.

antipode -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 11:12:34 AM)
quote: he kisses like a man who would be into it What comes after thrice? Fries? How does a man kiss who is "into it"? Considering you've never done "it", how do you know? How come you can talk about "it" with us, but not with him? Why can't you just find someone who is into "it"? Why do you have to have an all-in-one solution?

sailorfrank -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 11:22:46 AM)
Oh you young people???? Here is a helpful suggestion for you both....."Less thinking and more kissing!" Kissing is way better than talking and easier too dear! The only thing you both need to think about is protection okay? After words when you are both done and way relaxed then you can do silly talk...."Hey, did you ever think of??" well hope you get it? Enjoy life as it comes dont think it to "death" okay?[;)]

Lashra -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 11:25:10 AM)
Ask him and don't assume from a kiss. Communication is the key so use it. ~Lashra

anamericaninfife -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 11:29:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weregirl I'm talking to him via AIM right now, though, because he's leaving for work soon and we have a date tonight. And I'm "too kinky" for him. And now it's incredibly awkward. If he tells you that you're too kinky for him, but you do have genuine thoughts and desires that revolve around bdsm, then that's something that you need to take very seriously. How important are your bdsm fantasies to you? Obviously you're really into this guy, but if he was never going to be Dominant toward you, then would you really want to be with him? You're the only person that can answer that, but just remember that websites like the one you are on are chock full of people who are divorced or cheating on their spouse because they didn't stop to think about, or at least be honest with themselves about, how very important their being able to fulfill their bdsm-style fantasies really are to them.

JewAndCelt -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 11:46:01 AM)
Well, considering the 'lack of experience' on either party's behalf, I'd not suggest trying to jump up and make things happen immediately. Let things work out slowly; it's kind of like building a house. The concrete foundation has to dry a bit before you build the rest. Don't get too eager or jump the gun. D/s isn't the only part of a good relationship. If it happens, it happens. If not, then you'll be able to work things out a bit better.

MadAxeman -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 12:57:35 PM)
We don't know what it is you've suggested to him. Most people do not begin their sexual life with hardcore BDSM. It's more often something you move towards as you learn what you like, sometimes pushing each other as you identify preferences and different techniques. I've known girls who were very quick with innuendo, kiss like demons and then...clueless in the doing of the deed.

windchymes -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 1:02:56 PM)
I think you should just keep kissing and let what happens happen. You might be pleasantly surprised. Or maybe even swept off your feet. Or not. But it sounds like you're trying to pre-plan and orchestrate a scenario that hasn't even happened yet. For many, probably most, of us, first-time sex with someone new usually doesn't make the earth move. That usually doesn't happen till maybe the second or third time, once the first-time awkwardness is over with. I would stop trying to control the whole situation and just go into it together [;)]

proudsub -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 1:43:39 PM)
You could try renting and watching together a bondage video then ask if he would be open to trying some of those things.

JustDarkness -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 2:09:39 PM)
quote: he kisses like a man who would be into it. isn't that called horny?

SimplyMichael -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 5:21:36 PM)
Most people are far kinkier than they want to let on and are terrified someone else will think they are freaks. When someone else tells them they are a bit kinky, they don't believe them, instead they imagine the person is trying to test them. Stick to your guns, be strong, allow him to adjust to the fact that you ARE kinky and see what happens.

faithbunny -> RE: I'd like a dominant's POV, plzthx <3 (10/17/2008 8:47:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anamericaninfife If he tells you that you're too kinky for him, but you do have genuine thoughts and desires that revolve around bdsm, then that's something that you need to take very seriously. How important are your bdsm fantasies to you? Obviously you're really into this guy, but if he was never going to be Dominant toward you, then would you really want to be with him? You're the only person that can answer that, but just remember that websites like the one you are on are chock full of people who are divorced or cheating on their spouse because they didn't stop to think about, or at least be honest with themselves about, how very important their being able to fulfill their bdsm-s,tyle fantasies really are to them. God, is that ever the truth, not just about BDSM but about sex in general. I've had so many guys tell me that they really love their wives/girlfriends/fiances, everything else is great, BUT... So they're online looking to supplement, because they're unhappy. Our very civilized society likes to pretend that sex doesn't matter, but sex is HUGE. That said, this is a new relationship between two inexperienced people who don't know yet how kinky they really are, I'd say. Given that you haven't even slept together at all yet, I'd start vanilla and see where it goes. I was 30 when I met my beloved, LOVED sex and had been as kinky as my vanilla ex-husband could manage (anal, golden showers.) Everything changed when I met Impulse. If you had told me 8 years ago that I would be begging someone to choke me and beat me with a belt, I'd have told you that you were insane. I taught him things, too, and some things we tried for the first time together. Our sex life just gets better and better (except that I'm constantly horny and he's always telling me no--that hasn't changed. ; ) If this is the right guy, you might be shocked at how much you find you enjoy kink together. ~faith

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