Looking for a mentor (Full Version)

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Ceallach -> Looking for a mentor (12/10/2005 11:00:01 PM)

I am new to the lifestyle but not new to being a Master, I am seeking advise and mentoring in being a Master. Your help is greatly appreciated.



leatherorlace -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 4:16:20 AM)


I get the impression that you're a contradictio in terms, but that's only My opinion.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 5:13:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ceallach

I am new to the lifestyle but not new to being a Master, I am seeking advise and mentoring in being a Master. Your help is greatly appreciated.


"Not new" to being a "Master," but "new to the lifestyle?" What is it that you are a "Master" of, that makes you so experienced and not new? I'm not understanding this either.

K

PS Oh, BTW, welcome to the Message Forum.

Edited for addendum note [;)]



sweetwhisper -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 5:44:03 AM)

i think what he means is that he is new to BDSM however, has been dominant all of his life. He probably just discovered that there's actually a name for it. Same happened to me some 6 or 7 years ago when i first came about BDSM, i had always been a submissive female but didn't know about BDSM. i suspect it's been the same with him. Then again, maybe i am wrong. : ) lol




B1gbear -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 6:52:11 AM)

I have no problem giving advice and mentoring Dominants as I think the simple act of asking for help is a sign of good Dominant. I did however take a quick look at your profile. I think the first piece of advice I can give you is to find some humility in how you present yourself. For someone who is new to the lifestyle, your profile makes demands of a submissive that would cause any responding to think you knew what you were doing already. I somehow doubt you will get much of a response with that add, but any that do will not know any more about what they are getting into than you will probably know what to do with them. That spells receipe for disaster.

My best advice, slow down and get the mentoring first, before you start interviewing subs with that sort 'how its going to be' mindset. It all sounds good in theory, but till you've actually tried to practice it and uphold those rules on a day to day basis, you don't know if you can live up to your words. Don't bite off more than you can deliver.

This isn't meant to slam you, but to give you some grounded advice coming from years of experience.



JohnWarren -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 6:53:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

i think what he means is that he is new to BDSM however, has been dominant all of his life. He probably just discovered that there's actually a name for it. Same happened to me some 6 or 7 years ago when i first came about BDSM, i had always been a submissive female but didn't know about BDSM. i suspect it's been the same with him. Then again, maybe i am wrong. : ) lol


I was in the same situation. My first scene was in 1964, but it wasn't until the 80's that I discovered there were other heterosexual people who shared my interest in control and intense sensation.

It was a wonderful discovery since it both gave me a vocabulary for what I had been doing and finally dispelled the unease that years of reading off-the-mark psychological research had created as to my eventual outcome.



unspoken -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 9:31:37 AM)

I think it's wonderful as a Dominant personality you are looking for a mentor. What makes others think that because one calls him or herself Dominant that they know it all?
I personally would want someone who is trained under an experienced Master than not.
I also think that B1 has good advice for you. As you receive more advice and experience, take what you need and grow from there.



Ceallach -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 3:16:40 PM)

THank you very much. Yes, and since people tend to be rather quick to show you how dumb or out of place you are. I may be new to the lifestyle as a choice for myself I was put out by a few personal encounters with local groups when I first started to get into the whole scene. I would like to be mentor as so I do not become a pompos ass and a rather striking Lord so to speak. I do look forward to all the friends or foes I make from my posts. either is a learning expirience.



krikket -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 4:19:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

i think what he means is that he is new to BDSM however, has been dominant all of his life. He probably just discovered that there's actually a name for it. Same happened to me some 6 or 7 years ago when i first came about BDSM, i had always been a submissive female but didn't know about BDSM. i suspect it's been the same with him. Then again, maybe i am wrong. : ) lol




i suspect a lot of us are in the same situation..until i had access to the internet in the mid 90's i had no idea there was a name for people "like" me, that there were others like me, and that i wasn't totally insane..what a discovery..wow!!!
cheers
jimini



girl4you2 -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/11/2005 5:41:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket
i suspect a lot of us are in the same situation..until i had access to the internet in the mid 90's i had no idea there was a name for people "like" me, that there were others like me, and that i wasn't totally insane..what a discovery..wow!!!
cheers
jimini

that wonderful feeling when you know that you're not the "only one" and that you're not so very abnormal, and that you're not alone, and that what you've done and desire have a real basis for being. to find out that experiences you've had for all those years were meant to be. it's a really remarkable moment, to be sure.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 4:23:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

i think what he means is that he is new to BDSM however, has been dominant all of his life. He probably just discovered that there's actually a name for it. Same happened to me some 6 or 7 years ago when i first came about BDSM, i had always been a submissive female but didn't know about BDSM. i suspect it's been the same with him. Then again, maybe i am wrong. : ) lol



I am still confused by the OP, and have no intent to attack, as he seems to think.

While the above quote may be true for many of us, the "thought" of BDSM and all it entails, just doesn't make one a "Master/Mistress." I've had a dominant personality since I was about twelve...does that mean I've been a "Mistress" since then?

To discover the realm of BDSM, and know one has a dominant personality, unfortunately does not make one a Master/Mistress, by default. At least not as far as I know. [;)]

I had a man in our singles group, that happily told women he had over 25 years of experience. He called himself "Master"So-in-So. These women than came to me, concerned by his approach, as well as his words and actions toward them. I had to speak with him, as his actions were disruptive to the group overall. In speaking with him, it was found out that he had absoletly no experience whatsoever, and it was that he had only "thought" of BDSM for that period of time. To him...it gave him the right to say he had experience, based on his thoughts, that occupied much of his time. Fortunately, he was open to understand that he had to expose himself to a bit, in order to learn. He agreed to accept a mentor...not to be one.

K



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 5:27:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ceallach
I would like to be mentor as so I do not become a pompos ass and a rather striking Lord so to speak.



Okay...maybe this is meant to read...."I would like to be mentorED...."????? Is that just a typo then...because it really changes the context of the post. The original post says the poster IS a master, so thus the confusion. Just wanted to clarify where my previous post came from. [;)]

K



MasterRobert1 -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 6:24:06 AM)

Exactly what type of advice and mentoring are you seeking? What is it you feel you can learn from an experienced Dom? Where do you feel you are most in need to mentoring?



Elegant -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 7:50:35 AM)

Chattanooga has a rapidly growing kink community. Have you meet some of the folks in your area? (and Atlanta is but a hop, skip and a jump away)



Ceallach -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 8:47:56 PM)

Well to begin I am a Dom, that part is easy. The part that is difficult would be the fact I am new to both the lifestyle an community. So not only would it be helpful to learn the ins and outs of the community, it would help me set aside misconceptions I may have about some things. Masters and Rulers throughout history had teachers and mentors. So in saying I would like to have some good guidance down a new road.



Ceallach -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 9:21:23 PM)

Hmmm. I guess the Voodoo would be a place to start?



candystripper -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/12/2005 10:23:54 PM)

Ceallach, i would be happy to answer any question put to me (apart from personal ones). i think You have had Your first lesson; it matters whether you have commicated Your thoughts to others, so to some degree, spelling and grammar matter.

Seems to me that some Dons and Masters here offered to mentor You; i think that's great. The people here are quite generous, as a rule.

candystripper



Ceallach -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/13/2005 5:55:18 PM)

No I do not persume an attack I am more associating with the regular world. The people that tend to judge us in the every day, or cliques. Either of the two I do not deal with well.



Ceallach -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/14/2005 12:30:12 AM)

Yes they have and I am grateful. Seems I have much in the way of learning to do. It is as with all things though. Everyone is different and the degrees at which they play are different. The basic question is as always where does one begin. Then the real questions will come, "What does that mean" or "How do you use these ropes properly?'



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Looking for a mentor (12/14/2005 5:40:17 AM)

Okay...now in understanding the situation better......[;)]

In Michigan, we have mutiple organizations that offer formal discussions, as well as lectures and training on various BDSM related topics. If fortunate enough, you may find such organizations in your own neck of the woods. We also have more than enough social groups, for meeting others.

I've found through observation of others, and listening, in those discussions, the people that I wanted to learn from, or gravitate toward. I enjoy observing how they conduct themselves, not only with their, and other submissives, but with people in general. Also observing their techniques, and ability to show others, or explain themselves. Although I have to say, most of what I found most valuable, came from submissives themselves.

The journey is exciting and full of wonderful things to learn. Hard lessons are learned by errors, and the assistance of a mentor(s) will help curtail much fo the trial and error that some of us have had to learn by.

Try your local group, and once you talk with others, you'll probably find people you admire and can begin fruitful discussions.

I think you'll find a person of character in a friend, much easier than seeking a "mentor" right off the bat. Also, consider that submissives have a lot to teach as well. [;)]
K



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