Words of Wisdom by margo

As per usual, Castlerealm articles tend to over generalise and pigeonhole, forgetting that all people have individual needs and thoughts and that something so general is only relevant to a small section of people. - However, it is an acceptable piece of information as long as people - especially those who are new to BDSM - realise that it is just general and not the rule.

Just for further info - this probably belongs more in the 'Scene Related Links' as whole articles from other sites are posted there - hope that helps!

Peace and Rapture

Mod 11 helpfully left the link to the site it is on (Castlerealm). You can read it there.

Peace and Love

Being patient doesn't work for everyone - and for some people patience and time isn't on their side.
Its an OK article for those that it applies to - but it generalises... there are plenty of people it does not apply to. It assists people to know that it isn't a rule or a standard. Whilst articles and books help people, they have the ability to push some people away because they feel insignificant if they don't fit.

Whilst I can understand your defense of something written by a previous owner, remembering it is only a guide and not set in stone is an important concept. That which means something, needs no defending to those that it applies to... and those that it applies to will ignore my words. Those to whom it does not apply, will make their own decision...

Peace and Rapture

Just because they do not exist in your reality stef, they still do exist and I am in no mind to start naming names just to satisfy anothers curiosity. Take my word or leave it. Your choice. I do not break the confidences of others.

Meaningless to you maybe, but for the mere volume of questions and posts enquiring if 'such and such - place quote here' is the standard or the norm or the procedure, or the protocol by newcomers, it is obvious that such people are under the delusion that such exists. Of course - it is posiible that people effected by such may have to deal with other issues - but they will have to come to that concluesion themselves - only suggestions can be helpful, not pushiness and insistance(unless one is the Dom that is[;)])

Whatever reason, you did so and it lead to this discussion. People make their own minds up. And I offer only my personal thoughts. They may not sit soundly for you sobeit. That is where the freedom to discuss comes in. I never spoke against the piece, merely that it was a general statement. In fact, if you look back at what I wrote, I said it was acceptable - my personal view - just because you are close to the author there is no need to dismiss my thoughts just because they do not tally with your own - we just agree to disagree. Your experience is obviously different to mine - the people you know, different. Because you have the patience of a saint and the time in which to explore does not mean it is right for everyone else.
Carpe Diem as some may say...

Peace and Rapture.

If your waiting for a bus that doesn't arrive - what do you need? Patience. But what if you don't have that? What if your late for work and you are going to get fired if your are late? What then? You have other options. You leave earlier and are there, three or more buses ahead of time - you take another route - you use another vehicle or you make your own way. Sometimes, you might just stay overnight. Patience isn't effortless, but sometimes extra effort can assist where patience may fail you.

You cannot pin it down, because it is individual, just like patience. When it is right, it is right. And then - sometimes it is wrong - but patience isn't always the virtue it is cracked up to be. Patience doesn't always lead to the best outcome. Nearly always, patience mean an action - so inactivity is not particularly relevant. Patience is an action in itself. In real life, patience is sometimes negative. Sure, for online or interaction in a written medium, it can be an aid - but not everyone is finding partners online, even if they are reading there. There are submissives or dominants who have 'lost out' because they decided patience is supposed to be the 'right way' because thats what others insisted and now regret doing such. Now one can suggest that 'if it is worth waiting for is more important' - that is not always the case - individual cases are impossible to pin down. You can say that patience is important in BDSM - and we are being specific here(but it can crossover to outside a BDSM relationship) - but it isn't a means to an end. Trust and consensuality are important. But subjects like patience, respect, politeness - they are all subjective. You want me to love the article and stand by it? I cannot. Critique commends me to say that the article is adequate and well written, but general in it's approach. I can't be tighter in my narrative than that, because it is such a broad subject.

Like I said above - You can say that patience is important in BDSM and it can crossover to outside a BDSM relationship and used in everyday life, but the article is specific in that it is from a BDSM site(otherwise the title would be different), talking about the subject of BDSM. If you want to go broader, we can... and I would still say the same thing. Patience is not the be all and end all. If you want to make the article relevant to the whole spectrum of life that exists, then the article is adequate and well written but general in its approach.
Simply by posting such a 'hot topic' on a BDSM site for some people - and I was being specific in mentioning newcomers - believe that that it is a protocol or specific procedure. I know your not naive enough to believe that many do not think that way stef - and sometimes, to some, its a relief to see someone write or hear someone say - you don't have to do what is written.

You raised your relationship with the author - you did it for some reason otherwise what relevance does it have whether you know her or not? - And yes, possibly show a bias - I am not saying you do - it is a suggestion. It is an assumption, maybe a wrong one. But we do tend to show bias one way or another dependant on how a relationship went - not always - but it is human nature. Now, your relationship with the author aside, if it is purely because you are 'boggled' by my not accepting patience as good advice or feel I am 'stuck on the idea' - that is again, another assumption - and the only thing that I am 'stuck on' is that one cannot generalise patience. Each situation is unique and requires thought. If the article was on contemplation or thinking - then it may have relevance to me. But one doesn't need patience to contemplate or visaversa. Patience doesn't always work and doesn't always help - that is my stance. What else do you want to hear from me? Does that mean I would never recommend patience? Of course not. But I would look at each individual case and at each individual person involved before I threw around any advice that was asked for from me.

Peace and Rapture