Are you still interested

Are you still interested (Full Version)

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Esclava2one -> Are you still interested (10/21/2008 8:14:08 AM)
i have question, have you ever become bored. i ask this because i am a person who needs a lot of contact and stimulation. Once i get something i get it and new something new to keep me interested. i love my Master, but i feel i need new rules or something to keep me going, if the rules change on a regular basis then i feel it would keep interested and more focused on Him. i know for some the changing of the rules may be stressful but, it keeps me going. i know i am not child and do not need to played with all the time (although that would be nice) but my attention is starting to wan. i guess i should state for me the rules are important because my Master and i live a good distance apart and the rules are one way that helps me to stay focused on Him and connects me to Him on a daily basis. i have spoken to my Master regarding this, but i am wondering how others deal with this, how do you prevent this from happening to you.[:o]

ChampagneMojito -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 8:29:33 AM)
Bored wouldnt be the right word for me. I'm never bored in the relationship, but when the dynamic of the relationship isnt being expressed I can feel a little disconcerted at times, I'm happiest when i'm doing the little or big things that i've been instructed to do. And to be taken out of that can feel a little strange. How i deal with it? Well over time i've just got better at asking for what i want or need, I'm still learning to express this.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 8:39:12 AM)
I don't like rules, so I'm probably not the best one to answer this. grins It sounds to me like you just want more attention. If he's doing the best he can from where he is, I'd suggest that you do some research on things that interest you and then discuss them with him to see if it's something he's interested in as well. The thought of bathroom privileges or practicing positions, for instance, may have never crossed his mind. Other than that, I'd try to entertain myself by keeping a journal, reading, etc.

subtee -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 8:41:49 AM)
Does your master know what you require of him? Does he understand your needs and that they are not being met? Have you told him, no, demanded of him that he give you "a lot of contact and stimulation?" It seems to me he's not completely focusing on you and what you want; there can't be just ONE of you doing that. Explain to him that you're really, really not a child, but if he wants your attention not to wane, he better play with you more. A lot more. "All the time" if he can swing it. If not, you may not be compatible. That's a thought...you may not be compatible.

littleone35 -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 8:45:21 AM)
i can honestly that after almost 3 years he keeps my interest. We have some rules but if he kept changing them i would get very frustrated tryng to rember the ones he changed. Talk to your Master and tell him how you feel. He wil never know unless you talk it out with him. Matt's littleone

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 9:02:17 AM)
i'm not one for rules/protocols/regulations ...that being said - yes, i'm still interested in my relationship with Daddy. the distance doesn't bother or seem to matter to me anymore as it first did. for the first time in years, i actually have a life which keeps me busy from reviewing/interviewing bands to dating my pet. He likes that i keep myself busy with other activities and hobbies.

NuevaVida -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 9:19:36 AM)
I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them. And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again. If it's a situation you're unfulfilled in because you're not getting what you want out of it, it may not be the ideal situation for you. Without knowing how long you have been his, or how often you see each other, or how often you even contact each other, I can't advise on that. Only you can know if you're thriving or not, and what makes you thrive. If the person he is does not bring you to thrive, then it may be time to evaluation things.

lally3 -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 9:48:24 AM)
i actually find that long standing rules get harder to adhere to, not easier. i start to nudge the parameters a bit and then feel bad, so slink back to the original standpoint and then off i go again - its a sort of yo-yo thing that keeps me occupied endlessly - not that im suggesting you do that atall, im just answering your question, which is basically no. but then i can see how long distance, little contact situations call for ongoing upkeep. stretching your mind and submission by new things is completely understandable. why dont you discuss projects for you to do, something that has to be done by a certain time, something that would benefit you or him, something that you need to do and are bad at and need his focus to get you motivated. it doesnt have to be rules to keep the M/s connection going. goals and projects would work too.

Esclava2one -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 10:15:19 AM)
Because of distance my Master and i are only able to see each other once a week, if work schedules allow. I guess the right thing to say is that i am more attention starved than anything. I want to do more for Him but since our time together is not much i have not really had the opportunity to do much for Him. I guess basically i am wanting to do more for Him and am unable to do so, so i am getting a little frustrated. As far as what He likes, i have asked and He says i will learn in time. i am not sure how that is possible since O/our time together is so limited. At times when W/we are together it is usually for a couple of hours. I am new to the lifestyle and He is my second Master. my first Master i served Him on a regular basis and i had ongoing projects that kept me busy which made me feel like i was serving and kept me focused on Him. I am aware that all Masters have their own styles. i have been with Him for about four months. i have given all myself to Him, but i feel i am unable to fulfill my role as His slave and that is what i want and what He told me He wanted. My desire to serve Him is very strong and i care for Him deeply and want it to work. i guess you may be right i may need to reevaluate O/our relationship and see if it is right for me because the desire to serve is not being met.

allthatjaz -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 10:30:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them. And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again. I love what you have written because I truly believe that the whole dynamics of sub/Dom relationships can only truly work when there are compromises. A submissive will and must come up with ideas, be able to talk openly and freely about his/her needs and be able to put into place little gifts of his/her submission without having constantly demanded out of the dominant. I have a very real dominant side and when I find a submissive that 'just is' I am truly a very happy woman but I have been with fem subs that want, need and demand at all times without taking the time to find out about my needs and I just find that exhausting. Is this relationship online only or are you together? either way you need to understand his needs as much as you need to make him understand yours.

girlivy -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 10:31:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them. And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again. If it's a situation you're unfulfilled in because you're not getting what you want out of it, it may not be the ideal situation for you. Without knowing how long you have been his, or how often you see each other, or how often you even contact each other, I can't advise on that. Only you can know if you're thriving or not, and what makes you thrive. If the person he is does not bring you to thrive, then it may be time to evaluation things. Excellent advice NV. To the OP, You mentioned being new to the LS. I would like to pose a question to you please, have you've taken the time to define your needs, wants, and desires in the LS? Can you seperate your difference between them? Also have you taken a look into your motivations for likes and dislikes? oops, thats 3 questions... Good luck and many blessings to you! Cheers!

RealSub58 -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 10:39:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Esclava2one the desire to serve is not being met. Maybe you might need to re-evaluate what *service* is? Possible the 2 of you need to define service for each other. Sir and I did that. I was serving him, knowing it subconsciously but once he and I discussed it, it was suddenly very clear. Service is a zillion tiny little things. Service to him may not be in his presence. It might be something you are doing now and not even realizing it. Focus on him and his control.... not just during time together or sexually, but in so many other ways. Can you not think of other ways to serve him when you are not with him and thus bored?

angelikaJ -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 10:43:11 AM)
As I read your post a few things occurred to me: You get things quickly... and because of that you need things to keep your attention focused...so something new seems the way to go... I think frequently for me when I think I want to move onto the next thing that really what I need is deeper engagement.. something that engages more than my mind...something that engages my emotions, my spirit. If I am truly engaged with the present moment I am not bored or otherwise distractable.

NuevaVida -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 11:21:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Esclava2one Because of distance my Master and i are only able to see each other once a week, if work schedules allow. I guess the right thing to say is that i am more attention starved than anything. I want to do more for Him but since our time together is not much i have not really had the opportunity to do much for Him. I guess basically i am wanting to do more for Him and am unable to do so, so i am getting a little frustrated. As far as what He likes, i have asked and He says i will learn in time. i am not sure how that is possible since O/our time together is so limited. At times when W/we are together it is usually for a couple of hours. I am new to the lifestyle and He is my second Master. my first Master i served Him on a regular basis and i had ongoing projects that kept me busy which made me feel like i was serving and kept me focused on Him. I am aware that all Masters have their own styles. i have been with Him for about four months. i have given all myself to Him, but i feel i am unable to fulfill my role as His slave and that is what i want and what He told me He wanted. My desire to serve Him is very strong and i care for Him deeply and want it to work. i guess you may be right i may need to reevaluate O/our relationship and see if it is right for me because the desire to serve is not being met. It's a matter of perspective, really. A lot of people would cherish once a week and be grateful for that much time. Others need daily in person contact. Do you talk in between those once a week visits? You say you are "starved" for attention - do you not hear from him at all? The other thing that rang out to me in your post is that your "desire to serve" is not being met. Something I learned from another poster and dear friend, BitaTruble - was to serve as HE wishes to be served, not as I wish to serve him. The question here is, who are you serving - yourself or him? I will say, though, if you are unhappy after just four months, it is time to look at what makes you happy and why, and what you want out of a relationship and why. You say you love him and you've given your all - personally I don't think a person CAN give their all in just four months - people are more complex than that and can't possibly tap into their "all" in a four month, once-a-week relationship. Questions to ask yourself (and don't need to answer publicly) - What are your expectations in this relationship? What are you in it for? What are your goals in the relationship (for yourself, for him, and for the relationship as a whole)? Have you spoken to your master about this in a non-self-centered manner? Has he addressed your concerns, and if so, how? If not, why? How long has contact been just once a week, and do you see this as a temporary state or more permanent? What are you doing to better the situation? Is it worth working at to make it better? It's a fairly new relationship. If you are this unhappy already, it's certainly worth rethinking. You might find you're not in the right place for yourself. You might find you're in exactly the right place and just need to view things differently and evolve. It's up to you, though. I'm hoping you've talked to him at length about this. If not, I think you should.

akisha -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 11:40:30 AM)
~FR~ That is exactly why a long distance relationship is not sustainable for me for long term. I get bored with in a few weeks or months if I'm really lucky and lose interest fast. Thank god Master realized this about me early on and chose to move here right away instead of trying to do things long distance for a few months first. I have no idea how to make it better in your relationship, but i wish you the best of luck.

littlewonder -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 4:50:56 PM)
Get a hobby? Work? Seriously...when you have children, work, family, hobbies, friends, etc..you realize that you don't need or want tons of rules or for them to constantly change to keep you stimulated. So my suggestion is either look into a job that keeps you busier, get a new hobby, get together more often with your friends, etc... Also talk to your partner. Maybe you're both just incompatible.

PrincessJ77 -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 5:07:57 PM)
~scrapbooking?~

CatdeMedici -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 6:31:04 PM)
I find that subs who get bored or bore easily live in what I call the passion/spark zone---it has to be fun, hot, kicking, sexy--ok that was great, now what. I feel it is one dimension, they are unable to see the moments with the depth of meaning, embrace them with the emotion---looking for the next bright flash--terribly unrealistic as the majority of real life is a momentum and hum, with the spark and dazzle in the minority. Perhaps a good self examination of what is really important to you may find that everlasting spark--after all it isn't always about your excitement is it?

Esclava2one -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 7:04:47 PM)
i do have children, i do work, have friends and hobbies. if that were all i needed in my life then there would have not been any point of my being in a relationship with anyone. i am totally aware there will not be sparks or passion everyday, that goes with any type of relationship. But i do feel there has to be something there to keep my interest, as is the case with many things in life. i guess i really need to rethink our relationship and decide if it is something i still want. It will be a tough decision because i do care for Him and so want to be with Him. But at what cost?[:o]

VivaciousSub -> RE: Are you still interested (10/21/2008 7:32:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici I find that subs who get bored or bore easily live in what I call the passion/spark zone---it has to be fun, hot, kicking, sexy--ok that was great, now what. I feel it is one dimension, they are unable to see the moments with the depth of meaning, embrace them with the emotion---looking for the next bright flash--terribly unrealistic as the majority of real life is a momentum and hum, with the spark and dazzle in the minority. Perhaps a good self examination of what is really important to you may find that everlasting spark--after all it isn't always about your excitement is it? Brilliant post! I couldn't agree more. Having just read the last post by the OP, I understand more where she's coming from. I'm not much for rules and regulations, so I'm not sure what I can suggest.

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