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Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/11/2005 9:06:55 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Doms and Masters,
I wonder if you feel uncomfortable, or that it's inappropriate, when a sub or slave you're chatting with via E-mail asks you questions about yourself and your interests?
Do you feel that if it's important you'll tell her and she doesn't need to ask?
Or do you answer her questions, believing it's an important part of the getting-to-know-each other stage of finding a compatible sub or slave?

I ask...and before anyone tells me to drop this guy, i've decided to not continue chatting with him.... but i ask because a man who messaged me first on another site, indicates in his profile that he seeks a 24/7 slave, and someone slender. When he asked if i was interested in getting to know him, i responded, respectfully saying that his profile does raise some compatibility issues for me, and asked if he would touch on a couple things in his profile.
i explained that many people have a different idea of what a slave is, and what 24/7 means and asked him how specifically he envisioned a slave serving him.
i also asked about the issue of how he seeks a slender woman, as i am not, and never have been, slender.
He responded to that with
"...the most important thing is that pretty smile , I am a dominant Master who now is being interviewed ---which you can understand is not a happy place for me-------everything about my looks , and profession is very real --moving to *city deleted here* this week spanking,whipping and dominating gives me a strong hard on for you to suck if you would like to get to know me you may contact --again I liked your smile."

I have never had someone just flat out not answer any of my questions as i'm getting to know them. But i'm new to this lifestyle, still, and wonder how other Doms/Masters feel about being questioned in the early days.
Thanks,
cravin

Post #: 1

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/11/2005 9:22:16 PM

SlavenationArmy

Posts: 26
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Each Master has their own style, has their own comfort levels with personal information. So I know I don't speak for all.

With that said... If he's looking for a 24/7 slave and he doesn't answer the basic questions about his style, personality and interests, he's not very realistic is he?

You were right to break off communication with him.

_____________________________

+ SlavenationArmy +

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 2

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/11/2005 9:47:19 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

I think it's important for a submissive who is thinking of submitting to me to get to know me. Such questions are an important tool for her to do so. I'd be uncomfortable with someone who wasn't interesting in who I was and what I was like. That's the behavior of someone who is just looking for a lifesupport system for a whip rather than someone who wants to submit to me.

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 3

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/11/2005 9:58:12 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

I would *expect* a submissive to have questions about myself and my life. If they did not do so (and I"ve met plenty who don't), I find these various types:

1) they don't care, and just want someone...anyone... to submit to. The submissive variation on the hole-in-the-wall. Ick. They tend to keep emailing even after I've expressed my non-interest.
2) they are shy to ask, which then makes it my responsibility to draw them out and create a safe place for them to feel comfortable asking. I am looking for a submissive who will converse with me, so these types are not what I am looking for either, however sincere they may be.
3) They don't have a clue what they are doing, they have no experience, and not the slightest idea of what 24/7 really entails. Usually these types drop out of the running after a few emails once they start to really grasp the breadth of it, that 24/7 does not mean Scening 24 hours of the day.

This has been my experience to date, at any rate. But I am completely uninterested in a submissive who is not the slightest interest in what I am about! Especially when it's a 24/7 I'm looking for. I cannot imagine anyone, whether D or s, contemplating entering into a 24/7 relationship without learning all they can about the other party. It's more like, why would you NOT want to? My suggestion to you: Run for the hills!

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 4

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/11/2005 10:14:16 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Hi Cravin',

It seems a bit unrealistic to ask for a 24/7 slave and expect her to not want to know things about you. Before I would even consider having someone move into my home I would want to be reasonably sure that we were compatable, and I mean in ALL ways not just the BDSM stuff. That means that I need to know a lot about her and she would also need to know a lot about me. Anything else just doesn't make sense unless you're looking for a 'quickie' and don't care if she stays or not.

P.S. I have to agree with him about your smile though.............

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 5

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 12:14:37 AM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

We most definitely would expect to be asked questions on not only our desires and deeds but on our own lives in general including those to do with our family and what they think of our life style.
In fact we even may turn a few things around so whom ever it is we are talking to has to ask a certain question that they may have over looked by accident or by surroundings just to make sure that in our own minds we have put them at ease and been reassuring to them.
But if some one did not even ask one question about us we would just forget it and them as for some strange reason it would mean to us they don not care about us or what we enjoy or do so would not be worth taking time to allow into our way of life.
Both of us must also agree on the smile also.

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HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 6

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 12:28:55 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Doms and Masters,
I wonder if you feel uncomfortable, or that it's inappropriate, when a sub or slave you're chatting with via E-mail asks you questions about yourself and your interests?
Do you feel that if it's important you'll tell her and she doesn't need to ask?
Or do you answer her questions, believing it's an important part of the getting-to-know-each other stage of finding a compatible sub or slave?

I didn't read the rest (specifics) of your post after this - to not allow it to influence my (general) answer.

I encourage my prospects to ask questions.

There are questions I will not answer - whether it be poorly thought out (usually greeted by some form of noncomittal response) or not a level I am comfortable discussing with them yet (in which case I tell them so and probably provide clues as to what else they should be thinking about or a different direction to approach the question). Another response you might hear from me is that I haven't thought about that myself and require time to think about it. I might answer that question the next day or months later.

The vast majority of questions are welcomed and answered. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship;

Now, after reading the specifics, I would say you did the right thing in moving on.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 7

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 1:52:49 AM

Nightguy

Posts: 55
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline

Oh Christ! I WISH the subbies I meet would ask me questions. When I do find one that wants to chat, it is usually me asking them a lot about themselves as I try to get to know them.
I think it is vitally important for both sides to know whom they are dealing with, but that wont happen unless both sides ask questions and are willing to answer the ones they are asked.
I'm not talking about personal questions that would let someone you just met find you in real life...if we are talking online here. In fact, one of the first things I try to make clear to the subs I talk to is that I dont want them telling me anything that would break their identity, at least not until we get to know each other a lot better. But you can talk about WHO you are, and what your needs and limits are.
But finding a sub with any real curiosity has been rare in my experience, and the ones that dont ask questions are usually the ones that vanish as suddenly as they appear.

So yes, Ask away. And any Domme...heck, any person who wont at least show something of themselves in a conversation, should maybe be looked at a little more carefully.

(in reply to Wolfie648)

Post #: 8

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 4:58:43 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Of course, questions are encouraged. If you don't KNOW me,,,how can you SERVE me?

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 9

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 5:03:20 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My feeling is until there is a commitment, any and all questions are fair game--this attitude that " I am Dominant and therefore Omnipotent and cannot be interviewed" is crap---that to Me sets up warnings---in the start of the relationship, all communications should be welcomed and encouraged--

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 12/12/2005 5:04:13 AM >

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 10

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 6:05:48 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Oh my, where to start on this one.
If someone is seriously looking for potentials and won't answer questions, what's the use?
I always ask questions about the type of work, interests (in and out of the lifestyle), and interests about sex. And I know people are going to say "it's not about sex, it's not about sex". Well, for me, a big part of it is, and I want to know about compatibility in that arena.

edited for sp

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 12/12/2005 6:06:38 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 11

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 6:40:36 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

I don't like interviews, though that is because that word reminds me of a scripted barrage of questions that resembles an interrogation. Such an approach seems intrusive and makes me think the person lacks tact.

I do like discussions as part of the "getting to know ya" process. That is a just a casual exchange of information with the relevant bits coming out naturally as you become more comfortable with each other.

The only difference between the discussions and interviews may be style instead of substance. That said, if his ad says he wants thin girls then that is pretty much a discussion killer right there and you need to straighten it out up front.

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(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 12

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 7:29:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

This is a classic way of keeping you in the dark, making you feel guilty and insecure and prompting obedience and getting what they want out of you.

It's also horrible for establishing trust understanding and a secure foundation. And usually a sign of an insecure person themselves.

Now, we all know there's a difference between getting to know someone and interviewing. I don't approach possible partners with interviewing, I just get to know them, and that includes asking questions.

There's also a difference between "I'm not comfortable going into that right now" and "I'm the dom, I don't have to answer anything."

However, we all know that you can't get into a good relationship with someone without understanding what to expect- if they don't want to help you understand, then they don't want a good relationships.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 13

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 8:03:37 AM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

LOL
Wellllllll now.
You haven't chatted with me.
My profession is such that i get paid to ask questions, lol.
And being able to carry on a good conversation is one of the things i look for in a potential Dom, so i tend to ask a lot of questions within the conversations.
It could get intense for someone unaccustomed to it.
However.. in this case.. it was the first two questions i posed for him, simply to see if there was enough compatibility to even continue contact with him.
At least I discovered thru his response that no, he is NOT someone i care to chat with further.
regards,
cravin

(in reply to Nightguy)

Post #: 14

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 10:02:54 AM

CanisMajor

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm with the majority: a prospect that seeks to learn about me is far more desirable than one that does not.

An interview format would not bother me. But a few things would. I'm likely to ask the sub the same questions she's asking me. Turnabout and all that. If she expects me to answer a question but wants to keep secrets on that topic herself, I'd have serious doubts. And if the interviewer is inattentive or unresponsive to the answers I'm giving, I'd just give it a pass.

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The Big Dog

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 15

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 12:29:31 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think it's important for a submissive who is thinking of submitting to me to get to know me. Such questions are an important tool for her to do so. I'd be uncomfortable with someone who wasn't interesting in who I was and what I was like. That's the behavior of someone who is just looking for a lifesupport system for a whip rather than someone who wants to submit to me.

JohnWarren

i completely agree...i want a whole person...with achievements, obligations, emotional baggage, and all the other things that shape a personality. i want to know His preferences in where to live as well as His favorite color. In short, i want to know everything.

candystripper

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 16

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 1:24:08 PM

nelbot

Posts: 95
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

I insist on asking questions as a slave I won't always have that chance and if I am going to so completely submit myself to someone I have the right to ask any questions I want before the collar goes on. Now Dominant's or would be master's don't always have to answer but how and what they answer says a lot about them. (details omitted because I hate to gossip) I had previously asked a Master a specific question about what I could expect as his property; but I didn't really expect him to want to tell me the specific answer as situations change and so on, what I really wanted to know I would tell by how he answered, some clue as the the quality of life I could expect as his slave, how he would treat me as his property and whether he had thought that out or not. He told me that I didn't need to know, that I was a slave and should be happy with what ever I got and for that reason I broke off contact with him. Had he said 'you might live with this condition all the time, I don't know yet', or something, anything, that would have been an answer that a reasonable Master would give but trying to tell me that I don't have the right to consider what I am getting myself into before I get myself into it is not protecting the property or making wise choices, it increases the chances of failure of the relationship if there is no compatibility, and could put you in serious life or limb danger. This to me seems a tell tale sign that a Master lives in a fantasy world and will not be able to translate that into a real life day in and day out relationship and be able to function with the limitations of reality. My unasked for $0.02 thank you for listening

_____________________________

In life there are no winners, only saints and sinners
of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
what is a devil but an angel in bondage?

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 1:56:25 PM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Oh my, where to start on this one.
and interests about sex. And I know people are going to say "it's not about sex, it's not about sex". Well, for me, a big part of it is, and I want to know about compatibility in that arena.

edited for sp

You NEVER asked me!!!

Satoris

_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 18

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 4:51:11 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

You NEVER asked me!!!

lol

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Post #: 19

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave - 12/12/2005 6:05:16 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

^Asks Satoris and KatyLied about sex LMAO.^

candystripper

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 20

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