RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave

RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Nightguy -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/12/2005 6:45:20 PM)
Well Cravin', you can always chat (or interview) me! :) lol

Sensualips -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/12/2005 7:14:35 PM)
I have developed a list of interrogation questions for potential Dom play partners. It goes a little something like this. Hey, do you know how to drive a motorcycle? Why did your last serious relationship end? Can you tell me something you miss about him/her? How do you feel about 80's hair metal? Do you have health insurance? Dental? What is the worst thing you ever did to another person? If you were doing a porn search right now, what key words would you be using? When was the last time you cried? What was it about? I don't eat seafood. Ever. Is this an issue? Do real Doms wear thongs? When you are angry with someone, how do you typically handle that? Are all these questions bothering you? Have you had the opportunity to travel much? Are there any places you especially enjoyed? Tell me about your best friend. Have you ever been in jail? What for? Are there any current restraining orders against you? Do you have children? How old? Do they live with you part time? Why not? What was your favorite toy as a kid? I am bisexual. I like pussy. I also like public scening and public sex. And I am not all that big on monogamy at this point. I am in sort of a transitional slut phase. How do you feel about that? And so on.

amayos -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/12/2005 7:17:50 PM)
Great question. I have mixed feelings about being "interviewed". If I feel the interaction is going to produce something substantive, then I generally allow the game of twenty questions, but I am sure to note to the inquiring mind at some point that I am not a BDSM/fetish informational service, nor do I offer unlimited round-trips into my psyche. Bottom line: My time is important. If I feel it's going to be wasted, I politely end the "conversation", but not before giving an ultimatum; either serve me, be a friend, or interwank somewhere else.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/13/2005 3:17:18 AM)
If you don't ask questions , and find out who they are and what they want , how can you submit to them ? Ask away!!!

KOMA -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/13/2005 2:32:27 PM)
Why shouldn't you? If they don't want to respond then it is still your choice. What do they have to hide or are these Doms just being arrogant...? Communication with a stranger is essential before anyone should move forward

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/13/2005 6:32:51 PM)
A submissive that has no questions about me or my views on WIITWD is a submissive that I assume has a full-blown fantasy already built up, just waiting for a dominant to plug into her fabrication. I've run into a few, over the years, that would not or could not maintain a conversation where we actually exchanged information. These were short-lived associations. Since I'm the one who will be calling the shots, should a relationship develop, I would expect it to be critically important for a submissive to have a ~very~ thorough understanding of who and what I am before things got very far. I would hope and pray that there would a plethora of intial questions and a few truckloads of requests for clarification. OTOH, I feel that it's also fair to expect the submissive to be equally forthcoming about who and what she is. toy and I spent at least 12 hours in telephone conversation, exchanging views and sharing personal motivations, before we ever met. The only off-limit area was play preferences, since I refuse to discuss kink before establishing basic compatability. Personally, those who want to skip the getting-to-know-you stage aren't folks I want to get involved with. Timothy

mons -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/18/2005 2:32:52 AM)
i find that some doms who call themselves this honorable name are not that. yes i sure there are amny doms who asnwer an email very sexual i ask to speak to a dom and some wrote me that i need to be ready to go with them right away to be a slave i am not a slave and i thank yes god for the wonderful ones who are out there and i respect them but i do not like when someone does this type of thing to not answer questions and just think that it is ok to say this so another person to me is rude i think stay or did you mention not not say it but STAY AWAY FROM A DOM LIKE THAT want someone who is interested in you oh yes we all i think have the hots for a submissive and find it so sweet when they speak but as adomme even a submissive were to ansswer me likt this i would not want to write him again now your new you need someone who you can speak to find someone here i think it is great i have one who speaks to me and it helps me alot good luck my dear mons)[8D] i hope i did not upset ( i use words like that one becase i am dyslexic and can not spell what i want to express my meaning) any dom aor ssubmisssive mons

MHOO314 -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/18/2005 6:34:50 AM)
dear cravin, I have 2 words for him---Bite Me----gees I so hate Dominant attitudes like that--the "kneel bitch" attitude---says to Me straight off he is as far from a dominant as My horse---we have all stressed communication is key--and the interview happens between B/both-- I haven't even been to see boy yet and everyday we talk of something new asking questions about everything from coffee preferences to branding---sharing the past, so many things that are important, I want a sub to interview Me as well, if I'm not right no amount of submission will change that---you are very wise to wonder--and have patience, One will come along and be right for you--

krikket -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/18/2005 7:29:22 AM)
i was recently in the same situation. After i exchanged the "usual" beginning emails with a man, where we had at least surface things in common, i started sprinkling my letters/chat with a few questions, things that would help each of us (thought) start to see each other as a person, man/woman, the 'nilla as well as the D/s. No matter what i asked or how i said what i did, he'd turn the chat around to me fucking his two friends while he watched. He has an unusual job, i asked him what :it: involved, and he talked about his friends, i asked him about previous marriage/kids (i did get that he was divorced), asked about if he'd always lived in ___ and his friends came right back into it. i finally said that yes, i understand that, but i'd really like to find out more about the non-sexual aspects of his life, and he agreed..and wasn't i excited about his friends? i think you get the idea. Although he agreed to answer my questions, i was "limited" to one question per chat or note. Now, i had my own "Smart ass" way of doing just that, but managed to restrain myself -- but, holey moley was it tempting..lol. If i asked a question that had an "easy" yes or no question (have you ever had a 24/7 TPE relationship) i heard "yes, you?" now isn't that informative..lol. i ended up having to say that i thought we were looking for different things and end the emails/chats. It's frustrating and discouraging, since i don't "think" i'm asking for too much...but perhaps i am. (sigh) Good luck.. jimini

Padriag -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/18/2005 7:39:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cravinspankin Doms and Masters, I wonder if you feel uncomfortable, or that it's inappropriate, when a sub or slave you're chatting with via E-mail asks you questions about yourself and your interests? Do you feel that if it's important you'll tell her and she doesn't need to ask? Or do you answer her questions, believing it's an important part of the getting-to-know-each other stage of finding a compatible sub or slave? I think both need to be asking questions and giving answers. I don't see anything wrong with questions in general. Certainly there should be questions and discussion about what sorts of thing you are interested in, expectations, desires, fears, things you each dislike, etc. As others have said, if you don't ask questions how will you ever get to know each other. I would be concerned about anyone who would not answer questions or seemed reluctant to discuss themselves. There are some topics that I think should be avoided. As I've said elsewhere, my credit score, how much money I make, my tax bracket, and other financial questions are nobody's business, neither do I ask these things. On the other hand I have no problem being asked what I do for a living, what I like about my job, and give me half a chance and I'll show you examples of my work and probably bore you to death with it. Which brings me to something else, I'd be worried about anybody who didn't seem to have a life beyond BDSM. If BDSM, kinks, fetishes, and sex are all someone seems to have on their mind, I pass on them because I figure they're either just playing online and certainly seem to be just out for sex, not what I'm looking for. In short, when looking for someone real, I look for someone who seems to have a real life with all that includes... good days and bad, hobbies, interests, friends and family, jobs or schools to go to. When someone seems to have endless hours to spend online talking about nothing but fantasies, I figure that's all they are or ever will be.

mons -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/19/2005 3:02:32 AM)
i had answer on this one before yes your right to not contact him again i had submissive who wrote me with one liner i think this is someone who is very shy and is new i give them a chance to make it right. but then i had someone who has asked me outright disrepectful things that are to be spoken when we know each other very very well. this is a turn off, i will answer question about myself clear and open but not where i live what street number things of that nature are to be left out, this 24/7 slave this he wanted but could not answer to what it was he did not knwo himself i think. as a domme i give respect to all who give it to me if someone is outright crazy i will just not bother can i said that i am not pointing out one person but just some good for you. this is why i want someone a submissive who can speak up and tell me what he wants but still give me the respect i will have mons

Noah -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/19/2005 12:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cravinspankin Doms and Masters, I wonder if you feel uncomfortable, or that it's inappropriate, when a sub or slave you're chatting with via E-mail asks you questions about yourself and your interests? Do you feel that if it's important you'll tell her and she doesn't need to ask? cravin There is another dimension to this issue, for me at least. If I have a little interest in someone, whether as some level of potential kink partner or in some other way, I'm pleased for the chance to get acquainted. Facts and opinions are shared and trust hopefully grows. If trust does grow then sharing deepens. It is the model of "interviewing" that turns me off. I guess some people see it as efficient, or something: here are the ten/twenty/two hundred questions I like to get answered right at the start because if any of the answers are wrong, I'm not gonna waste my time. Well if that is your approach then someone else is going to be more interested in you than I am. You are wasting your time so I'm happy to usher you along with that bit of clarity. No hard feelings. Or maybe your list of questions isn't a checklist, as such. Maybe you just want to go through a bunch of questions, pre-written or spontaneously generated, and try to get a feel for someone that way. Again, if this is your communication style then fine. Someone with a compatible style may respond very well. I probably wouldn't. I want conversation to happen, not an interview. I recently had a chat wherein I had the unsettling sense of being accosted on a street corner with a microphone stuck in my face while a barrage of very small and factual questions erupted continuously. When I tried to take an area suggested by one of the questions and start some real dialog, do some exploring, try to share some context from my end and see not just what the other person thought but how she thought, I was met with a another burst of "short answer" questions before I could even finish typing my response to the previous one. I shared my sense of how the chat was going. She was nervous, she said. Something about trying to convince herself that I wasn't a mass murderer (must have read my journal.) There are lots of ways that a person might act when nervous. That is perfectly fine with me but "local news investigative reporter" mode doesn't happen to be one that I find attractive. She and I each stayed within our boundaries and parted amicably and pretty immediately. So what I'm suggesting is that you separate a person's willingness to submit to a barrage of questions, on the one hand, from his or her willingness to reveal themselves and get acquainted. I want to experience getting to know someone in chat or e-mail as something like the way I get to know someone on the dance floor. Do you have any moves? I'm not gonna ask you to list them; I'm gonna take you by the hand and give you the chance to show me. Do you have enough sense of yourself to display them? That is, can you trust a little teeny bit, and realistically and with discernment see where that goes, and then extend yourself just a little more if it feels right? Can you be expressive even while being lead? It isn't cleverness I'm looking for--though a little of that can be fun. It has more to do with the ability to be in the moment, feel whatever natural rhythm might exist between us and go with it. The factual stuff needs to come out, of course, but it usually does come out very naturally and at a pace that I like in the course of lively conversation. I could make a list of questions inwhich number six was: "Can you be in the moment with me," but I can hardly imagine anything stupider. And really, if someone is capable of being in the moment with me, well then their views on cats vs. dogs or dietary preferences aren't likely to be problematic one way or the other. Do you like ______? What is your favorite _______? What do you ______? When do you ______? If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? How many this and what kind of that and on and on ... Maybe this kind of exchange has a whole different feel for some people and within this kind of exchange they feel that they can really get acquainted and express themselves. That's cool. Please consider that there are other ways to get to know a person than to interview them. For me it hasn't to do, for instance, with feeling theatened by long lists of questions; it has to do with personally finding that mode of interaction tiresome. For my part I find some of the other options both more rewarding and more fun.

adrenilinemaster -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/19/2005 12:46:14 PM)
Very well put.

Sensualips -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/19/2005 1:07:42 PM)
quote: When I tried to take an area suggested by one of the questions and start some real dialog, do some exploring, try to share some context from my end and see not just what the other person thought but how she thought, This is a very good point. I find that if I am "clicking" with someone, I may ask a question or two -- but soon we are off in a naturaly progressive discussion that was triggered by the questions. Still, you have to start somewhere.

cravinspankin -> RE: Being "interviewed" by a potential sub/slave (12/19/2005 1:09:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Noah quote: ORIGINAL: cravinspankin Doms and Masters, I wonder if you feel uncomfortable, or that it's inappropriate, when a sub or slave you're chatting with via E-mail asks you questions about yourself and your interests? Do you feel that if it's important you'll tell her and she doesn't need to ask? cravin There is another dimension to this issue, for me at least. If I have a little interest in someone, whether as some level of potential kink partner or in some other way, I'm pleased for the chance to get acquainted. Facts and opinions are shared and trust hopefully grows. If trust does grow then sharing deepens. It is the model of "interviewing" that turns me off. I guess some people see it as efficient, or something: here are the ten/twenty/two hundred questions I like to get answered right at the start because if any of the answers are wrong, I'm not gonna waste my time. Well if that is your approach then someone else is going to be more interested in you than I am. You are wasting your time so I'm happy to usher you along with that bit of clarity. No hard feelings. Or maybe your list of questions isn't a checklist, as such. Maybe you just want to go through a bunch of questions, pre-written or spontaneously generated, and try to get a feel for someone that way. Again, if this is your communication style then fine. Someone with a compatible style may respond very well. I probably wouldn't. I want conversation to happen, not an interview. I recently had a chat wherein I had the unsettling sense of being accosted on a street corner with a microphone stuck in my face while a barrage of very small and factual questions erupted continuously. When I tried to take an area suggested by one of the questions and start some real dialog, do some exploring, try to share some context from my end and see not just what the other person thought but how she thought, I was met with a another burst of "short answer" questions before I could even finish typing my response to the previous one. I shared my sense of how the chat was going. She was nervous, she said. Something about trying to convince herself that I wasn't a mass murderer (must have read my journal.) There are lots of ways that a person might act when nervous. That is perfectly fine with me but "local news investigative reporter" mode doesn't happen to be one that I find attractive. She and I each stayed within our boundaries and parted amicably and pretty immediately. So what I'm suggesting is that you separate a person's willingness to submit to a barrage of questions, on the one hand, from his or her willingness to reveal themselves and get acquainted. I want to experience getting to know someone in chat or e-mail as something like the way I get to know someone on the dance floor. Do you have any moves? I'm not gonna ask you to list them; I'm gonna take you by the hand and give you the chance to show me. Do you have enough sense of yourself to display them? That is, can you trust a little teeny bit, and realistically and with discernment see where that goes, and then extend yourself just a little more if it feels right? Can you be expressive even while being lead? It isn't cleverness I'm looking for--though a little of that can be fun. It has more to do with the ability to be in the moment, feel whatever natural rhythm might exist between us and go with it. The factual stuff needs to come out, of course, but it usually does come out very naturally and at a pace that I like in the course of lively conversation. I could make a list of questions inwhich number six was: "Can you be in the moment with me," but I can hardly imagine anything stupider. And really, if someone is capable of being in the moment with me, well then their views on cats vs. dogs or dietary preferences aren't likely to be problematic one way or the other. Do you like ______? What is your favorite _______? What do you ______? When do you ______? If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? How many this and what kind of that and on and on ... Maybe this kind of exchange has a whole different feel for some people and within this kind of exchange they feel that they can really get acquainted and express themselves. That's cool. Please consider that there are other ways to get to know a person than to interview them. For me it hasn't to do, for instance, with feeling theatened by long lists of questions; it has to do with personally finding that mode of interaction tiresome. For my part I find some of the other options both more rewarding and more fun. You raise some excellent points. I must admit that i got a laugh over the comment about "investigative reporter" because I happen to be a journalist. However, I posed this question after a very brief E-mail exchange with a "dom" who messaged me asking me to respond if interested. I politely told him that his profile indicated he was seeking a 24/7 slave, and that I was not such. His response was that he made a mistake and wasn't seeking 24/7, if still interested, contact him. I replied, noting that there were a couple other things in his profile that i would like to ask about, as they were important issues in deciding whether we are compatible right off the bat. Those issues were that he sought a thin woman. As anyone can see from my picture, i am not. I I asked him to address that, and also asked him if he would please tell me what his idea of a slave is, and in generalities to tell me how he expected a slave to serve him. Quite simple, merely asking about his profile. He didn't answer at all. So... i don't consider my couple questions an interview by any means, just trying to get clarification in order to determine if he was someone i might be interested in getting to know better. And btw.... i've not spoken with him since.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625