Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship?

Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (Full Version)

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AStudyInScarlet -> Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 8:23:15 PM)
technically two people who identify as switches but are really subs switching off to please their partner. i think we'd both rather be subs all the time. i end up having to be on top almost all the time. he calls me mistress even though i don't feel like one.

DesFIP -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 8:32:04 PM)
It isn't right for him to force you into a role you aren't comfortable in. It isn't right for you to accept this. Two subs can have a good relationship, each seeking to please the other and doing service topping for the other. But that requires that you both agree to this upfront. If you don't want to be his mistress, then don't. When he guilts you into doing this, tell him to stop. When he calls you mistress, tell him to stop. Find someone who makes you happy and tell him that if he really wanted to please a woman he wouldn't go out of his way to make her miserable. Why are you letting him do this to you?

AStudyInScarlet -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 8:38:16 PM)
we had a very happy relationship before the sex. we're so much alike. maybe too much...

ExKat -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 8:45:07 PM)
A sexual relationship that works except for the sex doesn't work, in my experience. Unless you're willing to find a Dominant to please the both of you, it sounds like neither of you is getting what you want. Stay friends, but say goodbye.

AStudyInScarlet -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 8:52:35 PM)
is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love?

VivaciousSub -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 9:56:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love? No, it's not and I doubt that anyone here would tell you otherwise. But I see your choice as either a) staying, and remaining unhappy, then losing both the relationship and the friendship or b) acknowledging that much as you love one another, the love would be better served as a friendship. I have done both options and I can tell you that option A led to the death of a long term relationship wherein we both ended up greatly disliking each other and option B led to a painful time of questioning, but ended up leaving me with a better sense of self and a great friend. Edited to note: the very thing that caused the issue between my friend and me was the sex. We were fine before sex got involved, then it got all weird and stupid. Once we took sex out of the equation, our friendship only deepened.

myotherself -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 9:57:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love? No it's not, but then again relationships tend not to be easy! You both need to sit down and discuss this. You're not happy, and if you don't talk then it'll only get worse and you'll both become very unhappy and may even start hating each other. Maybe you both need to find a dominant to satisfy that part of your relationship, and save the 'nilla loving for each other. But ultimately, if you can't find a solution that will work for you both then the relationship won't work. So would you rather split sooner with the chance of remaining friends, or wait until you can't stand the sight of each other? Start communicating and start sorting this out.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 11:32:05 PM)
My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him? Master Fire

NormalOutside -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/21/2008 11:38:27 PM)
Some good posts in this thread so far. I'd listen to them and think about it.

LFAFanatic -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 2:58:35 AM)
tell him "Ok! since I'M THE BOSS, you have to have to Dom ME!" PERIOD

LFAFanatic -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 3:04:00 AM)
you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex!....thats common! he got what HE wanted! if you would like to get HIM back....try a Chastity Device! make him depend on YOU to get what it is he desires! just leave him alone and let his penis argue with him! he will come back and you just might be happy again!

LFAFanatic -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 3:28:21 AM)
also if i was you, i would suduce him into submission and say things like "dont you want to make Mistress happy?" "How far are you willing to go to serve your Mistress?" "aint I the one YOU want to make happy?" answer his questions, WITH QUESTIONS! dont back down until YOU get what YOU want! YOUR the Mistress right?

RainydayNE -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 4:59:33 AM)
yeah but if she does that, she's not really getting domination, is she? she doesn't want to be Mistress and if she has to con him into doing it by becoming Mistress, i can't imagine that would be all that satisfactory. and then of course, he'd probably appear here or somewhere else with the same post. =p all i can say is that i agree with myotherself that you really should talk about it with him, if you're in love with him and can't break it off, and see if you can't come to some sort of a workable solution. there may be a Dom/me out there looking for a pair of subs, or you could discuss the possibility of each finding your own. and the idea of breaking it off (if it comes to that) while you're still friends instead of waiting until you've made each other physically ill is a good idea, too. If you're having to play a role you're not comfortable with "almost all the time" that's not particularly fair, and lack of fairness can quickly breed resentment, and resentment can turn into a whole host of other things...

temptressofsouls -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 6:07:16 AM)
I personally couldnt do it-i tried once, because I really cared about the person, but I ended up basically getting "mental mono" until I ended it. Drained all my energy and shot my nerves, Never again.

angelikaJ -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 6:32:07 AM)
Are you involved in your local BDSM community... would participating in your local dungeon be a way for each of you to get your needs met by having "play partners" who could fulfill those needs?

OttersSwim -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 7:22:29 AM)
Yea, I agree with angelikaJ. If you are in Love, then is there any desire to trying a vanilla relationship and going outside for play and BDSM?

CatdeMedici -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 8:04:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him? Master Fire Brilliant, stellar, absolutely stellar.

AStudyInScarlet -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 10:42:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LFAFanatic you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex! clarification: we had an established relationship before we started having sex

akisha -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 10:50:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet quote: ORIGINAL: LFAFanatic you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex! clarification: we had an established relationship before we started having sex You had an estblished good working friendship. Yes it's a relationship but it wasn't a sexual relationship. You can love your friends but that doesn't mean you can be lovers. Considering you already said that sex has made a good relationship bad, maybe you should concentrate on remaining great friends and finding partners with someone else.

colouredin -> RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? (10/22/2008 11:05:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him? Master Fire gotta agree with this. I was in a brief illadvised relationship with another sub, he was great we got on really well could talk for ages, but like you the expectation wa that I would take the Dominant role, one I dont reel comfy with anyways and certainly not with him. Though we carried it on for a while it was obvious we were just kidding yourself, I dont think that it could be consideredlove because there was never a time with him that i felt i could totally be myself. Thats kinda what I think love is. It sucked breaking up, and it wasnt a very nice break up either I felt i was loosing a really good friend. My advise is dont let it get to that stage dont let the bitterness build up. It is not decreasing value becoming friends, sometimes i think we can confuse people who would be fantastic friends to us as potential lovers due to some rush to be in a relaitonship an other factors. Sometimes you are meant to be friends.

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