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RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 3:14:26 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousSubBoi

Thankyou everyone for your responses, they've been very helpful. I can understand how having a play centered profile mite not work to my benifit, but the reason its there is because i feel i should be honest. Like i've said, im new to this, so a LTR is not something i can just jump into wihtout having experienced anything. And i dont think its fair to a domme if i were to offer her something i am not capable of delivering. As such i feel the best course of action right now is to experience the casual side of things, see where my strenghts and weaknesses are, and once i feel i am ready, pursue something more long term.  I suppose i was just hoping there would be more dommes open to part time, but no such luck. Still, i appreciate the advice you have all given me.

As for my polite and detailed letters, here is one i sent a little while back. I know there are some essential parts missing, like what i can offer the domme, but other then that, please let me know how else i can improve it.

quote:

Hello Mistress <name removed>

Im a willing sub from toronto, new to the scene and i would love to be abused by you. Degradation and humiliation is of great interest to me, and i seek someone who can introduce me to the various aspects of BDSM. If inexperience is a problem, i apologize, but i am a fast learner i assure you.

Outside of bdsm i enjoy reading (mainly fantasy and spy/espionage novels), anime, anything sci-fi, games, astronomy and 90's cartoons. Within the world of bdsm, i love bondage, objectification, collars/leashes, gags, wax play, spankings. And im curious about strap-ons, diapers, and chastity.

If you think i am fit to sub for you, i would love to talk more.

CuriousSubBoi


Some things i realize may come off as too needy (ie: 'would love to be abused by you') but they are based on the dommes profile and what she has listed as her desires.



By the tone and words of the letter that you are writing, it seems you would be better off with the services of a Pro Domme or get to a dungeon and see if anyone will top you.  I know a person or two at the dungeon down in NYC who will top just because they like to play, maybe you'll get lucky and meet someone like that near you.

Good luck

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 7:29:47 PM   
WidowSpiders


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, let's read between the lines here, shall we?

Let us first look at your eloquence. Your grammar and spelling efforts are lacking, despite the fact that this message system includes its own spell check. Almost every one of your sentences either contain a misspelled word, a misplaced punctuation mark, missed capitalization, a misplaced space....

This either signifies a lack of education, intelligence, or caring. It is likely that you also correspond in this manner, which is not flattering to the recipient. She and I always discard inconsiderate letters of this variety. If a sub can't take the time to run spell check, just how much attention to other details could he possibly pay?

And now to present the way that we would translate the content of the letter.
Quoted directly from CuriousSubBoi

Hello Mistress <name removed> [This greeting alone suggests that this letter is a form letter.]

Im a willing sub from toronto, new to the scene and i would love to be abused by you [I am generalizing any activity you would suggest to be "abuse." Further, any other activity not "abusive" is not of interest to me.]  Degradation and humiliation is of great interest to me, and i seek someone who can introduce me to the various aspects of BDSM. If inexperience is a problem, i apologize, but i am a fast learner i assure you. [Degradation and humiliation is my main interest and I will likely be quite disappointed if you do not meet those kinks.]

Outside of bdsm i enjoy reading (mainly fantasy and spy/espionage novels), anime, anything sci-fi, games, astronomy and 90's cartoons. [I spend a great deal of time exposing myself to fantasy, which is exactly where I got my preconceived notions of BDSM. I am not a physically active person.] Within the world of bdsm, i love bondage, objectification, collars/leashes, gags, wax play, spankings. [Despite being a newbie, I already know what I like and expect.]And im curious about strap-ons, diapers, and chastity.  [I expect and desire my Mistress to focus on my ass and the shit that comes out of it.]

If you think i am fit to sub[and by "sub", I mean you spend hours preparing a hot scene I'll enjoy and then leave for you to clean up] for you [and by "you", I really mean me], i would love to talk more [but only if you don't charge me or expect me to actually serve in a non-kinky way.]

[By the way, you'll notice that I have not mentioned a damned thing about your interests. This is because I did not read your profile. I don't care about who you are or what you want, other than maybe checking for a hot picture. I didn't use spell check because you are simply not worth the time, even with a mass sent form letter. I didn't mention any skills I have because either I don't have any or because I have no intention of doing anything for you if it doesn't involve me bending over so you can focus on my ass.]





(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 7:52:24 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Here's my suggestion. But first a couple of questions, okay?

Does she have Female Dominant in the top right hand corner of her profile?

Do you know any females in your life?

Now forget about the fact that she's a domme, forget about her having a profile on CM, forget about your needs and that you're a submissive, forget all about kink, sex, and what have you.

Try to imagine that she's a female friend (platonic) that you maybe met once or twice sometime back and you want to get to know her a bit better.

Got that?

Write to her in exactly the same manner as you would any female you would want to develop a friendship with.

How does that sound?

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/1/2008 8:03:15 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

It depends on what you write in your application.

Is it too lengthy or too short?

Is your email address an inappropriate name or word?

Do you selfishly list out what you want to get rather than what you can do for her?

Do you follow up in case she didn't get your email or if it got junked as spam mail?

Have you re-applied asking her politely why she's rejected your application?

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/2/2008 10:17:38 PM   
WidowSpiders


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, how about this: let's use a parallel.

There are 400:1 subs for Dommes. The majority of those "Dommes" are professionals.

So, there are very few of us. Got that?

Any letter you write is important.

What other important letters have you written? What applications have you made in your life? A job? Excellent!

Now then, let's write a letter of application to a job in the same manner you just wrote your application to a Domme.

Dear Mr/s. [insert name]

I anna job.

I have never worked and i have not schooling, but i would be a gret imployee! I m woilling to wrk very hard!

In mysparfe time i like to read books, animae, rpg, that kind of thing. i am very ecxited about your dental plan! I can't wait to have perfect teeth. an I heard about your great pay, and i want it. you say your're a boss, so you pay others a lot. I want it! I have no epxerience, but I'm willing to tak your money.

nO, I don't know what kind of company you run. No, i din't read any thing about it. i want a raise by the end of they ear and all the benefits that have come from being a supervisor for 20 years, but i want it now.

if you t hink i'd be a good employee, email me.



< Message edited by WidowSpiders -- 11/2/2008 10:20:58 PM >

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/2/2008 10:27:05 PM   
WidowSpiders


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		And amazingly, you just made this post asking why Dommes wouldn't find this appealing. Is it the fact that we're in a D/s lifestyle that makes us unreasonable for expecting some effort? Or do you actually write letters like this to other 'important' people?

Would you write to an employer, a judge, your grandmother... etc... talking about what you want? Would you write a letter to those people without a god damned mention of the things they needed or expected? Would you really expect any of the most respected and important people in your life to accept an application filled with your needs, your wants... everything about you and nothing about them?

Or is it just that deep inside you think this is all a charade? Is it that to you, Dommes are just here to meet your kinks. We pretend to be 'selfish bitches', but what that really means is that we 'selfishly' sit around waiting for someone just like you to fill your fantasies? Do you really think we are not even worth the time to think about anyone but yourself and your kinks? Do you think we all have less than a 2nd grade education and cannot understand the concept of grammar?

Are we supposed to pretend to have pride and dignity...

...until you come along and want your wad wanked off?

< Message edited by WidowSpiders -- 11/2/2008 10:30:10 PM >

(in reply to WidowSpiders)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/3/2008 3:38:50 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		*giggle*  Now WidowSpiders has been reading my c-mail.  No wait, we probably got the same form letter.  *sigh*

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to WidowSpiders)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/3/2008 5:30:38 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's already been covered pretty well.  I had the exact same response when I read your profile and your sample email. You have made very typical mistakes and need to correct them if you really want to find a Mistress. Your profile and email portrays you as a very typical "do-me" type and most women are looking for something more. I think Stella had a great suggestion because I was thinking the same thing. Imagine meeting a lovely woman in a vanilla setting such as a grocery store or at a club. If it's inappropriate to say something in a vanilla setting to someone you have just met, then it's inappropriate here. The only difference in women you meet here and elsewhere is that you already know we have an interest in kinky things.  That's it. Other than that, the same rules apply.



(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/3/2008 6:47:11 PM   
sjskuared


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline 		Pull her hair?

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/5/2008 8:09:03 PM   
CuriousSubBoi


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		Thankyou all for the responses. They've been very informative.

@stella41b:
Thankyou for the great advice. Thats exactly the kind of thing i was hoping for.

@GreeneGoddess: "Why do I need to know what bdsm things you love at this point?". 
Well, from my stand point i was listing my interests for the domme. I dont see why any one would be interested if our ineterests weren't similar. But i can see why its bad form, and i'll be aware of it from now on.

@LadyConstanze: "just an idea, read her profile and then try to send her a letter that shows that you read her profile, not a form letter you send to everybody else".
I assure you i did read her profile. The interests that i list are the ones that were listed in her profile as well, not just random.

@WidowSpiders:
Im not sure why you're so angry. I appreciate the critism, even if it is negative, but theres no need to go out of your way to be a bitch. If the fact that i asked a question in a forum titled "ask a mistress", or that i want to learn the appropriate way to approach a domme is annoying you that much, feel free not to answer.

As for you analysis, tell me, how exactly are you making all these assumptions. You say that i want 'abuse' and any activity not 'abusive' is not of interest to me? Did you think that maybe the domme (like many others on CM) had that specification in her profile? And then you assume that just because i list 2 interests (which were once again specifically mentioned on her profile), it means that everything else would disappoint me. Did i make any such indications in my letter or my profile?

You talk so much shit when you 'read between the lines', im actually quite surprised. It boggles my mind to think of how you could possibly assume that im not physically active because i like to read, or that i can't know where my own interests like because im a newbie. If this is really how you respond to someone asking for advice, then please do me a favor and stay out of this thread.

To everyone else, thank you for your response and advice.



(in reply to sjskuared)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 12:00:51 PM   
TallDevoted1


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		1) Be Attractive.
2) Be Good Looking
3) Don't be unattractive.

(Apologies to Saturday Night Live! )

(in reply to CuriousSubBoi)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 12:48:50 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		I recommend walking up to the dominant woman you're looking to attract, smacking her firmly on the ass and saying in a deep and commanding voice:  "Hey bitch, I know what you want and you know that I have it.  Let's go!"  Then you pull your pocket out of your jeans so that she has something to hold onto and not get lost while you lead her away.

Trust me, you'll not only be guaranteed to get a domme's attention; but you also have a good chance of being on the receiving end of some CBT and trampling.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to TallDevoted1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 4:05:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I can't believe you just told him that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 4:17:57 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Me either.  But I enjoyed it.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 4:28:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I didn't say it wasn't funny, but I'm wondering if somebody needs to hide that sarcastic hat from him for a little while.  In the past, he's answered this same question quite well. 

<Throws out a few Reese's Peanut Butter cups out to see if someone will take the bait and look up that same advice that the more helpful DarchChylde gave back then.>


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 4:33:17 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Likewise.  Though he did miss out the line "You look a bit weedy - I hope you don't hit like a girl".  That'd be essential for me.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 5:17:20 PM   
Hathalud


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline 		While I've not "geared" my profile here for casual play, (In fact I loathe the idea of casual  play these days) I've never been very successful in attracting others with my online profiles on most any site, despite my being genuine and authentic in expressing who I am and what I'm on the site for. Would you or anyone else for that matter, please tear apart my profile here on CollarMe.com and let me know if and where I've gone wrong?

*chuckles* I know it's a new profile, and therefore it's not had a chance to be looked at by very many people, but I figure if you're going to do something, do it right and get it right as soon as possible.

Many thanks ahead of time for any and all responses.

Cheers and have a happy day,
Hath`alud

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 5:19:49 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
Now forget about the fact that she's a domme, forget about her having a profile on CM, forget about your needs and that you're a submissive, forget all about kink, sex, and what have you.

Try to imagine that she's a female friend (platonic) that you maybe met once or twice sometime back and you want to get to know her a bit better.
 
I think that's actually excellent advice for any young man (or even many older ones) looking to approach a woman for the first time.  I gave the same kind of advice to a friend's sixteen year old son recently.  (A cringingly difficult pub conversation, I can tell you.) The standard line: "Act naturally" is, to me, absolute rubbish.  If a young man were to do that, he'd end up in jail.

The whole point is not to get overwhelmed by the "image of the feminine" that you, as the young man, see in front of you.  They say men tend to be "visual"; well, if that's the case, then they're never more blasted by vision than when they're young and meeting the opposite sex for the first time.  It can be hellishly difficult, but you have to see past that and treat the woman as a person. 





_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 5:41:49 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		*darchChylde snags the Reece's and darts from the room, leaving a note on the floor*

From "how to be bait for mistresses"
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Treat a dominant woman like a woman, succeed in your vanilla life and avoid the unworthy submissive syndrome; a beautiful woman may eventually lovingly tell you that you aren't good enough to lick the soles of her boots, don't take away her fun by jumping the gun.



By the way, LP; i also gave very similar advice in a thread called "What do I have to do to get a mistresses attention?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Find a likely woman (any who wear black leather boots are bound to be dominant), grab her by her hair and yank her roughly to her knees.  Then you should speak in a low, but firm and commanding voice while looking her dead in her eyes.

"You will control me now, BITCH!!!"

*he doffs his Sarcastic Hat as he steps from the room*




< Message edited by darchChylde -- 11/6/2008 5:52:59 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: So how exactly do you get a domme's attention? - 11/6/2008 6:05:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		<Shrug>

Since it only cost Me some leftover Halloween candy, I'll settle for it.

Still good to see you.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 40
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