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Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 12:45:33 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		hello there, my name is sally, i've been in what i guess you would call a gentle sub/dom relationship with my husband for 8 years, six of them married. i do everything for him and love doing it and he gets excited by me being servile and that makes me happy and we have done some things like foot worship and leashes. Now he says he wants a different realtionship where i recognise i am his slave and we make it more obvious and public, he wants to control everything, even going to the bathroom and exactly what i wear even when i'm not with him and wearing a collar all the time. i'm not saying i don't like this, but i'm scared. is it usual to be scared? is it usual for the master to start of real gentle and then suddenly demand so much more when i'm so used to how it has been? Can anyone help me here?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 1:04:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sallysally
is it usual to be scared?

When a long term partner suddenly shifts gears and want to begin making lots of changes in the relationship, yes it's normal to be scared.

quote:

is it usual for the master to start of real gentle and then suddenly demand so much more when i'm so used to how it has been?

It's not unheard of.
quote:


Can anyone help me here?

The best help will be between you both. This should be taken slowly, with lots of understanding and support on all sides. It would help you if he explained why he wanted these changes and if you internalized those desires as well. Make sure HE understands and agrees to these new responsibilities as well. It can SOUND all fun to need permission to go to the bathroom ALL the time, but is he prepared for the calls and the needing to be in contact with you so you can ask? Is he prepared for the times he forgets his own rules (it happens)?

Just make sure you both understand what this means and that it's where you want the relationship to go.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 1:21:51 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Change can be scary, sure its normal.
You could thinkof it this way, if you have been together 8 years already, and it seems that you are happy together, and time establishes trust in the relationship in a most profound way, its a great foundation for exploring together.
Relax and have fun.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 1:30:52 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for this, i guess i need to ask some questions but i don't like to be demanding or expect too much. i did ask Him about the bathroom - practicalities - and He said He would leave standing instructions, like i can go once at work during the day if i cant get hold of Him on the phone to ask. but He also said He may want me in diapers at work and that is a little scary. He put me in a diaper yesterday at home and i couldn't use the bathroom all day and it was wierd. but it was also so nice to know it was what He wants and i am pleasing him. He says He is going to experiment before deciding what to do.

He wants a ceremony with a collar He has bought but i haven't seen yet. He wants to lock it on after my shower each morning, this is fun but real scary as the clothes He chooses dont hide a collar al the time and going to work is going to be embarassing.

He is kind to me and listens but even after 8 years i dont like to put too much on Him as he is the Master!

Thanks for your help

sally

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 1:35:20 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		thanks slavejali, i wish i could relax more but i am anxious by nature! i'm fine with the bathrom stuff, however it goes, just real nrevous about the collar in public. He wants a ceremony for the first time He puts on the new one which He will have a key for and He wants me to commit myself totally to Him as His property.

are you a sub? Do you get nervous and thrilled at the same time?

sally

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 1:46:10 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

are you a sub? Do you get nervous and thrilled at the same time?


i live as a slave to Master, we have been together for going on 3 years, 2 of which have been living together. We were also married a year ago.
...and sure there are times when im nervous and thrilled at the same time...its an amazing feeling that internal conflict..it creates intensity.

i can appreciate your anxiety over the public collar. I have a public collar and a private collar. My public one is a simple neck chain with Masters birthstone in the pendant, we both know what it means, we dont have to advertise our private life to the world, but thats just what works for us.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 2:03:18 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		are you a real slave, no say and no ownership? that is what my Master wants of me. How do you find it? is it hard to be controlled all the time? i'm real excited and on edge about it all but want to do what He wants and do it well for Him.

but the collar does worry me, i work in a big office and everyone is going to notice it, i'm sure, although He has not shown it to me yet.

Did you have an enslavement ceremony? That is what my Master wants. He says we will have a few dress rehearsals and then i need to make the total commitment and from there it is no going back!!!

This is a big leap for me, my heart is thumping!

sally

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 2:26:14 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

are you a real slave, no say and no ownership? that is what my Master wants of me. How do you find it? is it hard to be controlled all the time?


i'm as real a slave as they come i guess in a D/s sense, considering i was not born into slavery, kidnapped into slavery, or sold into slavery. i made a conscious decision to enter this relationship as a slave, which means to me, Master has the final say in everything and i submit to that.
I do however give input, ideas, thoughts, opinions, i share my worries and concerns and fears and anxieties, i give all those things to Master for him to deal with them, thats part of my role. I'm very natural in my role as slave, i dont deny that i have thoughts and ideas, they just makes me human not a lesser slave, how the slave part comes in is that i give them over to Master to deal with as he sees fit.

How do i find it? I love it, its the most intimate type of relationship i have found, its fun, exciting, challenging at times, it gives a concrete and conscious tool for building establishing and maintaing a relationship and makes my inner being smile.

Although slavery for me isnt just about sex, i freely admit, the kinky sex and play aspects are a huge turn on for me.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 2:49:10 PM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Wow slavejali! you have put into words exactly how i feel about everything. i am intelligent and i have ideas and everything, but just like you they are offered to Master and He makes the decisions. i don't regret going into this one little bit, it is wonderful, but a little nervy right now with so much change.

Do you find it hard work? i try and please Him so hard with His physical surroundings He sometimes tells me to stop and just come and sit with Him. He doesn't like me watching TV so i kneel with my back to the TV and rub his feet while he watches a movie. i love caring for Him in every way.

But you have no idea how nervous i am about the locked collar to work - everyone is going to know now!

i have to go He will be home soon. i like hearing from you.

sally

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 4:13:33 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

hello there, my name is sally, i've been in what i guess you would call a gentle sub/dom relationship with my husband for 8 years, six of them married. i do everything for him and love doing it and he gets excited by me being servile and that makes me happy and we have done some things like foot worship and leashes. Now he says he wants a different realtionship where i recognise i am his slave and we make it more obvious and public, he wants to control everything, even going to the bathroom and exactly what i wear even when i'm not with him and wearing a collar all the time. i'm not saying i don't like this, but i'm scared. is it usual to be scared?


I think you'd be crazy not to be scared - a little or a lot - this is a big change and if both participants are willing and desrious of it an incredible one.

From a safety-net side of the issue (these should probably be taken care of in any formal, long-term comitted relationship), something should be in place should something happen to your master/owner so that you are not left without financial and emotional support (and vice versa I would think but that's just me :-)


quote:

is it usual for the master to start of real gentle and then suddenly demand so much more when i'm so used to how it has been? Can anyone help me here?


Demanding more and gentleness are 2 different issues. Do you want to go down this road? I would ask for an outline/idea of where your 'road-trip' is going to take you over the next 6 months, year, years... and decide if that matches what you want. Ultimately, only you can answer this question.

Many people also start with periods of time during which they agree to become a slave. At the end of the period you can renew or not for another term. It's a good way to find out if you want to do it on a more permanent basis.

D (owner of j)





_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 4:19:06 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

But you have no idea how nervous i am about the locked collar to work - everyone is going to know now!


This can be a difficult issue for many in the lifestyle. Often a leather collar, locked or otherwise, is just not socially acceptable. I like to think of it as if they were smoking around me in the officeplace - would I like that? No. I would find that socially unacceptable. (Some of ) The 'regular' people see a collar as something that can be threatening to how they perceive the world. They see it as you 'smoking' in a communal place.

So how do we get around that?

Stainless steel collars are usually fine. They look like jewellry.

D (owner of j)



_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Changing relationship - 12/12/2005 7:32:12 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		It is quite natural to be scared, considering the tectonic plates that will shift in your life if you are to now be a slave. Of course, I answer this from my point of view about what a slave is, but regardless, fear of such a drastic lifestyle change is a natrual sign of wisdom. Being numb and careless wouldn't make the experience as sweet, anyway.

When I make a slave, it is important that they tremble over the idea; it is not to be taken lightly.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Changing relationship - 12/15/2005 5:27:29 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i think, like the others here, it is perfectly normal to be nervous, anxious, excited and scared anytime a relationship moves from our comfort zone into the unknown. i know for myself, i wonder if i'd ever be able to handle being a slave 24/7, openly for all the world to see.

Perhaps, after talking about all that it means to your husband/dom/master, he'd be willing to step into this new area a little more slowly than just plunging in all at once. By this i mean, maybe he'd be willing to have whole days/weekends/weeks where y'all lived the 24/7, tpe life and others days not so much, more to give you time to adjust to changes that could be very big and scarey. You might find that you absolutely love the new way of doing things, or not, or that some kind of middle ground works better for you both. After all, it might not be all that he thinks it should be either...

good luck...
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Changing relationship - 12/15/2005 5:44:10 AM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks krikket, in fact it has gone full scale ahead to the next stage as Master decided to move it on pretty quick. Yesterday was my first day at work in a collar and it was real embarassing, it is a plain collar but a good inch wide and tight with a shiny padlock at the back of my neck. It is hard to swallow so He told me not to eat during the day, just sip water. i am in a diaper at work which is awful because you go and have to sit in it until lunch time and then again until i get home.

i respect totally what Master is doing but it is not easy to cope with the stares and questions, also the discomfort and the total lack of control. He choses my clothes, my diet, when i go to the bathroom, everything. He has even said that i have to call each male colleague at work "Sir" regardless of their status, even if they are junior to me. i have a good friend at work who had no idea and she is asking a hundred questions a minute! She looks at me like she is seeing me for the first time.

well it is happening whatever i think about it. At least i have some new clothes out of the deal!!

sally

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Changing relationship - 12/15/2005 5:56:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I think everything is OK, but I do think it's at least skating the line of propriety, because it does seem to be interfering with your job. I don't know how important your job is to you, or how far you would like to progress in that company, but it could be having a large impact.

Why does he care what you call every other male? And why only males?

As far as the eating thing- that works in general, but it's not really GOOD or the BEST choice. Why doesn't he get a looser collar, make you lunch every day and make you eat it at a certain time? Sure if you're going for a cleansing thing or don't have a stressful long day, it's not a big deal. But it really isn't the wisest choice to make.

But that's just my perceptions and, again, I don't think anything has been done so far that is truly WRONG.

(in reply to sallysally)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Changing relationship - 12/15/2005 6:17:10 AM   
sallysally


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		You sound very critical of my Master and He is extremely kind. He wants me to be less nervous. He says i will get used to the collar and already, on the second day, it is a little less irksome, although it is very tight and i still blush every time someone looks at me.

He wants me to show respect to all males, that is what He wants and it is not for me to argue.

i drink a lot of water. Master days if i get tired i can tell him and He will let me have an energy drink instead.

This is all a big shock to me but i can see that He is right about where we should be going and i want to make it good for Him every step of the way.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
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