RE: New adults, still around

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Jeptha -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 11:23:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x It almost sounds to me, from the posters who this upsets to one degree or another, that any demonstration or evidence out of the ordinary vanilla realm, is not something to be displayed. Well, even in the vanilla realm, some people like public dispays of whatever, and some people don't. My reaction isn't that it's going to "squick" anybody (well, maybe some, but not everybody), but rather that it's a not-well-defined situation. Who else is going to be hanging around, Uncle Fred? The kid's boy or girlfriends? The neighbors borrowing a cup of sugar? Do these prospects have any more or less expectation of privacy in terms of being on display for random people who aren't involved in the dynamic then anybody else? I dunno.

DavanKael -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 11:30:20 AM)
Hi, Calla---- "These young ladies (Referencing your daughters) are My Family and I expect you to afford them the respect you would me". Having received feedback from you and having not reaad the thread in its entirety, understanding your proficiency in plurally relating, I need togive this thread a read en toto but that was my thought upon initial read. When I have a few more minutes, I'll take another look. Best wishes, Davan

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 11:53:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Gosh, I thought that was a pretty credible job right there Calla. As you know, my viewpoint is WAY WAY different from yours and I'm pretty sure I still grasped the fundamentals of the situation and felt it was explained in a clear, non-threatening sort of way. Out of curiosity, what sorts of negative reactions are you worrying about here? Actually, we've had a few folks sort of squick that we're active in this while we still have offspring at home, even though the offspring are grown and kinky themselves... or, as I think about it... maybe -because- the offspring are kinky themselves... like somehow we've 'corrupted' them or something. I recognize that those folks just weren't going to be a good fit for us... but I was inclined to see if maybe it was something in the way we've presented things that might be... I don't know... tightened up or explained differently to alleviate some of that discomfort. Honestly, the first time it happened, it didn't even occur to me that it might -be- a problem... I'd accepted our offsprings' natures so long ago that it just seemed perfectly natural that we'd welcome them as adults in our homes and still go on with our lives... but that really seems to bother some folks. The level of criticism trown at me always amazes me. The criticism is usually in inverse relatioship to the degrre to which people know me....in other words the most critical opinions come from those who have never met me. On the 1st November Master moves into my house. We will be 24/7 both temprally and physically. I have two remaining 'soon to be adults' in the house. My middle boy who is a near-social-recluse. Gven a good set of earphones and a computer he is as happy as a skylatk. My daughter is a social extravert and will be facing exam problems and move into higer education. They have entourages. My tiny hall often looks like a mosque with roews of shoes..the one house rule i have is that everyone removes out door shoes. They are all fed at table. Alcohol is permited in doors for all ages as this is an extension of a European lifestyle. The kids are encoraged to carry condoms. master and i have a seamless 24/7 liestyle. We scene behind closed doors. As i am in service to Him and my family there are no apparent changes of role. His sado tendancies requie that i am silent during needle, blood, asphysiation and He reserves noisy activities (the crack of a whip for example) for times when the young are not on the house. They are accostomed to my kneeling and sitting at His feet and also to times of my silence when required. The young have also been reared in as open a mnded family envroment as possible. My genetic sister lives around the corner. Her partner...'a cock in a frock' as she refers to herself, is accepted in both households. A person's sexual orientation never even raises an eyebrow. What support us all in the life choices we make is the realisation that those family units with the greatest degree of pain are those who are vanilla, and painfully struggling with issues such as separatin and divorse, affiars, cheating and the pain of maintaining households within a dynamic which is obviously a lie. Young adults respect honesty from their elders above all else. Congratulations on rearing what fees like wonderfully interestng young. Indi x

HerLord -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 12:00:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah To the Op, Personally what you said was EXCELENT. I would print out what you just typed and read it word for word. The Truth of the matter is regardless of the situation either they are going to be okay with it or they are not. Steel The only thing to change here is the word situation, Replace it with presentation, and as usual Steel is all right.

SteelofUtah -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 12:03:11 PM)
Having read over this thread two or three times. EVERYONE IS AN ADULT! That being said Children or not Now they are Tenants and Pay Rent, So guess what if they do not like the Rental then they should leave. Ultimatly as I said in the beginning what she said is all she needed to say to any potential play partner, and anyone who is aghast at the fact that her children would be in the house where play is occuring, all I can say is your house your rules. Steel

SteelofUtah -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 12:04:40 PM)
Welcome Back HerLord. Glad to see you around again. Steel

HerLord -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 12:22:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Welcome Back HerLord. Glad to see you around again. Steel TY for the welcome... have been lurking, or in the words of the "mighties" trolling... lol had several posts become not posted for... not being asskissery enough... lol

Twicehappy2x -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 6:32:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeptha quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x It almost sounds to me, from the posters who this upsets to one degree or another, that any demonstration or evidence out of the ordinary vanilla realm, is not something to be displayed. Well, even in the vanilla realm, some people like public dispays of whatever, and some people don't. My reaction isn't that it's going to "squick" anybody (well, maybe some, but not everybody), but rather that it's a not-well-defined situation. Who else is going to be hanging around, Uncle Fred? The kid's boy or girlfriends? The neighbors borrowing a cup of sugar? Do these prospects have any more or less expectation of privacy in terms of being on display for random people who aren't involved in the dynamic then anybody else? Very true about public displays upsetting some folks even if the displays are vanilla. The question whether or not the prospective servants (subs) have an expectation of of privacy as to who and what they are/what their function in the household is, in front of any who visit is something that should be discussed beforehand. I cannot say for sure but i get the distinct feeling that most if not all visitors to Calla's house are aware, at least in some measure, of her lifestyle. I can tell you that in this house anybody who visits here is going to know. Some may only know enough to allow them to accept the situation while others , most in fact, know this is a M/s oriented household and who is who within it's structure. Below is an excerpt from my standard letter to any subbie thinking about joining this household receives. It explains it very well i think. "Do you have any issues with our friends/neighbors knowing who and what you are? I ask this because we are lifestyle open. All our families know. What you tell your family would be up to you of course, and we will support your decision there. But most people we know and anybody who visits this house are very aware of our situation. That is to say quite bluntly, they know i am Mike's slave, the collar i wear is very plain to see, literally and figuratively speaking. And i always call him Master, at his job, in Wal-Mart; it does not matter where we are. It would be between you and Jewel if you were collared whether or not it would be visible, but folks will know what you are regardless. Now, they do not treat me any differently than a friend and nobody has permission to dominate a subbie in this house but they do know. Some might have a very difficult time living with that. " As you can see, it states everything very plainly, it is extremely upfront about the fact that in this house, while we do not put on public displays of BDSM, that we do live our M/s lifestyle in the open. If folks who visit us cannot accept the way we live, chances are they simply are not folks we want to visit anyway.

TreasureKY -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 8:51:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss Why is every one assuming that people who have adult children in the house, and servants in the house and are kinky, that, that automatically means you're going to carry on explicit sexual acts in front of your adult children. Sure, maybe some people would, but not every one does. And it does not automatically mean you're going to be naked crawling on all fours around your adult off spring, * to use your example* nor does it mean automatically that, there's going to be explicit acts going on in public shared living spaces. To me it really speaks more about the person making these assumptions than the ones who want servants who're ok with the fact there's adult offspring in the house. Please excuse my delay in responding, Yourhand. I do understand what you're saying and I agree that to assume explicit sexual behavior would be displayed in front of anyone else would be wrong. My example was a bit of hyperbole, but served to put forth an idea. For some individuals, WIIWD may be part and parcel of their everyday lives, but it still comes from a sexual core. For me, that submissive state of mind (when fed properly and by the right person) has a deep link to sexual feelings. It's really rather hard to explain, and perhaps it is a puritan attitude, but I don't share with just anyone what turns me on. While Firm and I have a D/s relationship that extends well beyond the bedroom, the feelings I get serving him in a completely non-sexual manner are an echo of what I feel when he uses me sexually. I can enjoy that privately when we are in the company of others... they don't know how it gets me wet when he calls me "pet". But, if he were to up and explain to them just why he calls me "pet" and why I wait on him as I do, then I would be mortified. It would be like inviting them into our bedroom to watch. Sure, people know that other people have sex. People know that certain things will cause sexual response in most people. And of course people respond sexually to a lot of different things and at the oddest times. But commonly people just don't share their sexual responses and appetites with persons with whom they don't have a close relationship. Can you imagine your dentist telling you about the hard on he got while working on some hot patient he had that morning? At any rate, my comments weren't to disparage Calla in the least. She seems like a very intelligent and forthright woman and I didn't get the impression that she'd be planning to flog some naked slave in her living room and inviting her family to come watch. The point was that for some people, just the idea that someone else not involved in a personal relationship with them might become privy to what is a very personal and private experience for them, might be too much to accept.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 10:08:52 PM)
Sure Calla is wise and level headed and I’m sure she will do the right thing. No one is criticizing her, but I’ve been through an episode of my kids finding out too much similar to what CD mentioned and it was painful. Some of us want to give Calla that aspect to consider. Even adult kids are important in our lives and the less they know about what we do seems to be the safer tact. Kids may be flaky and change their views depending on their stage in life. Living with others in the same home does make things different and denying that is being unrealistic. Each person adds stresses to a household. The kids make it a more difficult situation even if we say we are simply going to tell them that’s how it is. As I said before, I would do everything possible to encourage the kids to find places of their own if I were going to take in a slave and I certainly wouldn’t interview and tryout possible slaves at the house in any way if the kids were still there. Can you loan the kids money to help them get started with a roommate in an apartment somewhere?

SailingBum -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 10:46:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Having read over this thread two or three times. EVERYONE IS AN ADULT! That being said Children or not Now they are Tenants and Pay Rent, So guess what if they do not like the Rental then they should leave. Ultimatly as I said in the beginning what she said is all she needed to say to any potential play partner, and anyone who is aghast at the fact that her children would be in the house where play is occuring, all I can say is your house your rules. Steel Adult or not they are still your kids and should be treated accordingly. I would like to think that your own kids we be treated as well as your spouse. Actually once the kids signed there agreement it's not her house it's "their house" in other words they have as much say/ authority as to what happens as anyone else. Everyone involved need to determine the suitablity of the arrangement. Of course the kids can leave given proper notice 30 days seems fair. However I don't think that is the OP goal. BadOne

MaamJay -> RE: New adults, still around (10/24/2008 11:47:43 PM)
It seems some are still thinking it's the daughters who have the problem, Calla explained clearly that they don't. And I truly don't see why they should be bundled out if they are cool with the situation. I also don't agree that as "tenants" they have as much say as the owners of the house. That doesn't happen outside! While I do understand that some folks wouldn't like anyone else to know that they are a servant ... well they are not the right ones for this household. I really don't get the impression that there's going to be heavy scening or sexual activity going on in public parts of the house. Just as it is respected that the daughters have their rooms and others don't go in without an invite, then I am sure Calla and her partner conduct their bdsm activities in an equally private domain, not popping the servant up on the kitchen bench and going at them with a knife! If all there is to witness is someone respectfully serving drinks in a particular protocol etc ... then as long as this is made clear to the prospective servant, and I thought Calla's explanation was excellent, I don't see what there is to be squicked at. Or if they are ... they will be too squicked for anything else useful! I don't see any great need for them (or for Calla) to explain to the daughters any sexual feelings the servants get from performing these simple acts of servanthood. The fact that they enjoy serving and are happy to do it should be sufficient. Keep looking Calla, and hope You find less squickable people soon! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

SailingBum -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 12:34:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaamJay It seems some are still thinking it's the daughters who have the problem, Calla explained clearly that they don't. And I truly don't see why they should be bundled out if they are cool with the situation. I also don't agree that as "tenants" they have as much say as the owners of the house. That doesn't happen outside! While I do understand that some folks wouldn't like anyone else to know that they are a servant ... well they are not the right ones for this household. I really don't get the impression that there's going to be heavy scening or sexual activity going on in public parts of the house. Just as it is respected that the daughters have their rooms and others don't go in without an invite, then I am sure Calla and her partner conduct their bdsm activities in an equally private domain, not popping the servant up on the kitchen bench and going at them with a knife! If all there is to witness is someone respectfully serving drinks in a particular protocol etc ... then as long as this is made clear to the prospective servant, and I thought Calla's explanation was excellent, I don't see what there is to be squicked at. Or if they are ... they will be too squicked for anything else useful! I don't see any great need for them (or for Calla) to explain to the daughters any sexual feelings the servants get from performing these simple acts of servanthood. The fact that they enjoy serving and are happy to do it should be sufficient. Keep looking Calla, and hope You find less squickable people soon! Maam Jay aka violet[A] Agree or not that;s the law here in michigan anywho. As a pratical matter my way or the highway is not how ppl should conduct themselves in regard to family issues. It's very short sited. BadOne

MaamJay -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 12:56:24 AM)
Well here in Australia it's definitely not the case ... eg if the owners want to sell, the tenants don't get much say once their lease is up. If the owners want to repaint the house and the tenants don't like the colour ... tough luck! Go find another rental ... if you can! Here the rental market is so tight, tenants will outbid each other to pay more rent to secure the place, so they're unlikely to leave in a hurry. And in a room-mate situation, the tenants don't have equal say with the owners, they are renting because the owners choose to rent them the space and that decision can be rescinded within whatever rental agreement is operating. That aside, I am not sure offspring are EVER on equal footing with their parents LOL! In the past, if I entered Mum's house I went by her rules, and that as a much older adult. I don't get the feeling that Calla is saying it's Her way or the highway anyway, the daughers seem quite happy with Her way. For prospective servants, it IS and should be Her way or the highway, so they know clearly how things will be. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

SailingBum -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 3:20:22 AM)
jeeze, Feeling a tad defensive Jay? Keep it in context would ya. They are not talking about selling the house. Dunno about you my parents treated me as a equal once I entered adulthood. I mean like how else would you treat an adult child? In any event the kick em out theory was in response to the forum in general. I am sure they will work it out. BadOne

hejira92 -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 5:09:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW I probably should clarify, and say that what our daughters 'know' about our way of life, in terms of having seen it or grown up around it, deals with two particular aspects (1)The keeping of servants -- think Clarence the Butler or Tijan the maid or a well-trained geisha rather than Tom the Kinky Window Boy. The difference is in the source of the dynamic... the personal nature of the desire to serve, rather than commercial nature as in having a cleaning service or a more sexual/sensual D/s relationship. Our daughter who grew up split between our home and her dad's home in Brazil had a maid and butler in both places... in Brazil, her dad paid cash for them. In our home, the trade was "in kind" and more relational. (2) Polyamory. Our kids grew up with a plethora of loving parents who were not ashamed to show that we cared for one another with common PDAs like hand-holding, gentle kisses, hugs, chiding, etc. To them, it is normal to have a household with more than just two adults, 2 kids, a dog and a cat. They've also had experience with the more common monogamous marriage, since both girls' dads re-married in traditional marriages, so they understand the whole gamut of possibilities in relating as family. It sounds to me that you did a beautiful job of bringing up two open-minded young women. And, judging by the reactions to your quandry, you do have to worry about squicky-ness with prospective slaves. Look at how many have focused on the offspring and not the question you have posed. I agree with those that have told you that you have stated your case fairly and honestly, and now it is a matter of finding the slave that fits. As the daughter of a non-traditional household, I applaud you. One of my regrets in childrearing is that I let their conservative Dad influence me too much, and now my um's do not have the experiences of all different types of people and places in their lives that I had growing up- they are hidebound by 'conventional thought', ie; prejudiced against the unusual or unfamiliar. I say you've done a wonderful job with them. Now, go forth and find the one that works for your household. If someone is squicked and high-tails it- think how much time and mishogoss you have saved yourself.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 5:10:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum As a pratical matter my way or the highway is not how ppl should conduct themselves in regard to family issues. It's very short sited. As MJ and Calla have both tried to make abundantly clear, it is not the family who has issues or is being squicked by the situation. It is some of the potential servants applying for a position in her home. So now you are saying that a dominant cannot pick and chose who they find compatible to the way an already well established household conducts it's affairs? Wow, if a prospective subbie for this house has issues with folks who visit here knowing who/what they are, they simply do not belong here. None of us are going to pretend to a vanilla type relationship for anybody else. I mean, Scooter and Jewel are obviously married, so how would we explain me and a male sub too? Tell people he was my boyfriend or something? Too hard to keep up with the lies and stories. If a person has a problem with being out, that is fine. But then it is on them to enter into a relationship with a person/household that is willing to play vanilla for them in front of friends and guests.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 6:29:24 AM)
I really want to take a moment to say "thank you" to the folks who have responded on this. I appreciate hearing everyone's perspectives, and I'm glad I put this out there -- it's eased my mind about the proper 'manners' in dealing with a situation that just isn't an Ann Landers type issue. I want to thank you all for your thoughts and concern. Calla Firestorm

SailingBum -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 7:33:45 AM)
Look folks give me a fucking break. I was speaking in general terms if you read the CONTEXT of my posts. If you happened to read some of the other post a few were implying a my way highway theory. That was what I was commenting on. Aside from that I would never presume to tell calla or anybody else how to raise / treat their kids. Context is EveryFuckingThing BadOne

hereyesruponyou -> RE: New adults, still around (10/25/2008 8:47:08 AM)
My personal opinion is that it is all a part of the vetting process as you are determining whether or not potential subs/slaves are a good match for your household. I know there are many who would be uncomfortable in a poly situation of any kind. There are also some who need to feel a particular attachment to their "One". There are no rules or expectations that are wrong, just ones that don't necessarily fit together. In other words, I don;t think it's you or your presentation, but rather perhaps your situation just not fitting their fantasy. It's not good or bad, it just is. Calla i have dealt for years with trying to find someone who can accept the relationship i have with my daughter and understand how it will affect the relationship that we are able to establish. Had i been childless, yes i would have had more prospects, but would they have lasted any longer? no one knows. As my daughter has reached adulthood (well majority age anyhow) this year, i am shocked at how many people have the they are all grown up throw them out attitude. She is still my daughter and that's something that means more to me than anything else.

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