RE: The Movie "The Secretary"

RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (Full Version)

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sanita -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/13/2005 8:01:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion next to no actuall bdsm. It was hot when he bent her over the desk, but all in a ll a pretty lame representation of D/s i am wondering what you would consider actual BDSM? i saw a lot of D/s in there. Well, ok, maybe not as much as in the "Beauty" books. But for a less-than-two-hour movie, where the characters have careers and interactions with other people, there was what seemed to me a steady flow of expermentation and growth. Bondage? Ok, maybe not naked and bound to a wheel, but considering she was at work? The spreader bar wasn't so bad. And hey, she was tied to a tree in the honeymoon scene. S&M? Well, more M than S, but it was there. And she had no outside discipline until Grey got to her. i am asking, because i am well aware that everyone has a different perspective, and i really do like to understand how others tick.

sub4hire -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 7:33:29 AM)
quote: And they portray people who are or was cutters as a lil unstable. Are cutters stable to you? Any ideas why a person cuts? I have a relative who does...she has been in the ER too many times to count on both fingers for attempted suicides.

KatyLied -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 8:30:59 AM)
To add to the entire cutter thing. The thought that a cutter can quit by tossing their tools into the river. I don't think so. It takes years of therapy for most people. But perhaps the right domlydom can solve any problem. heh

JohnWarren -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 10:23:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied To add to the entire cutter thing. The thought that a cutter can quit by tossing their tools into the river. I don't think so. It takes years of therapy for most people. But perhaps the right domlydom can solve any problem. heh Well, it's easier to extinguish any behavior if there is a viable substitute available. This is particularly true if the behavior is a sublimination of a desire that was felt to be impossible to achieve and then is presented. I found the concept pretty credible.

sub4hire -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 11:01:52 AM)
quote: But perhaps the right domlydom can solve any problem. heh Yeah , uh huh sure...and what happens when he dies and hasn't prepared her for the world without him?

KatyLied -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 1:06:28 PM)
quote: Yeah , uh huh sure...and what happens when he dies and hasn't prepared her for the world without him? You know I was being sarcastic, right? [:D]

sub4hire -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/14/2005 1:07:29 PM)
quote: You know I was being sarcastic, right? Yes, but apparently other's didn't know that.

MasterBenedict -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/15/2005 8:28:21 PM)
Here, HEAR!! I have a copy that I LOVE!!

LaMalinche -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/15/2005 10:04:53 PM)
Are cutters stable to you? Any ideas why a person cuts? I have a relative who does...she has been in the ER too many times to count on both fingers for attempted suicides. Ummm. . . the sexual rush? I know a few people who quit cutting/burning when they found out it could get them institutionalized. And they did turn to bdsm for a comprable sexual rush feeling. As far as stable, yes they were very much at home with themselves. Just my two cents

MstrssPassion -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/16/2005 6:17:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMalinche Are cutters stable to you? Any ideas why a person cuts? I have a relative who does...she has been in the ER too many times to count on both fingers for attempted suicides. Ummm. . . the sexual rush? I know a few people who quit cutting/burning when they found out it could get them institutionalized. And they did turn to bdsm for a comprable sexual rush feeling. As far as stable, yes they were very much at home with themselves. Just my two cents There are two sides to a coin. Both of you have spoke of those two sides. One of you speak of cutters who did so to produce an erotic sensation. The other speaks about people like Lee's character & many of the other cutters such as her character. They were not doing so for erotic gratification. Example... common type of BDSM exchange... Face Slapping, sometimes extreme. The other side of the coin, Assault/domestic violence... two sides of the coin, same act but for different reasons & most definitely producing very different responses. The act of harming oneself is often an expression of pent up emotions where the individual has no idea how to process their emotions or cope with situations in their life. With Lee's character she found a way to cope with life in a way that finally made sense & gave her a secure feeling. She found her 'place' when she had always felt out of place before.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/16/2005 1:09:00 PM)
ORIGINAL: sub4hire And they portray people who are or was cutters as a lil unstable. Are cutters stable to you? Any ideas why a person cuts? I have a relative who does...she has been in the ER too many times to count on both fingers for attempted suicides. Well some of us are more stable than others I'd say lol. no I don't mean that as insults. IF I cut once or twice cause I was bored, and I did because I was bored and I wondered what it'd be like way back when I was a kid, before it became my main mode of defense against things I'd say that was less of an offense than cutting to say try to kill yourself. I was bored and curious and I tried something out, I enjoyed the site of my blood spilling, It was satisfying, Hell I liked whe the dr took blood samples and I would say oh yay I get blood drawn, Was I unstable? Deoends who you ask, I don't think so I got a thrill out of it. Of course now at 23 I am a lil less than happy when the dr pokes me, I get a little like oh umm ok I can do that but I won't relish it. Where as if I was doing it to try killing yourself or attempting to I'd be in a whole lot deeper than boredom. I spent a lot of time grounded for self abuse cause I cut myself in the group homes all the time. It was the only way you could "stick it to the man" so to speak. Which was hideiously backwards, but it was one of the few things the group homes couldn't controll. It also was better than running away and potentially being raped. Which happend to a lot of run away's. When I lived up in redding we had a truck stop a block away, an easy means of getting away, But there was something in the news not more than 2 months ago at the time of a woman being raped arms choped off and thrown out a truck to die. So no, Not every one who cuts is instable or from a broken home. She burnt herself and cut herself to deal with a fucked up family. Most are to some degree, but some people don't have deep seated fucked up family reasons I used to do it cause I was bored and liked the site of blood on ocasion. Sanita, What do I think as real bdsm? Well it certaintly wasn't whacking off onto her clothing that's for sure lol. The spreader bars were a neat idea but very very tame. I thought. All though it can give oneself a deeper awareness of how we move and how to think about what you're doing. And her making all those typo's on purpose so he'd spank her wasn't my idea of how one should go about being spanked lol. Only if you enjoy the bratty play, which could of very easily backfired. If I remember right he didn't spank her for those antics just ignored them. Tying her to the tree and fucking her was not to horribly kinky in my opnion either, but then heyI am one of the few rare people who doesn't see woman on woman as kinky just one of the many other ways one can express their sexuality. That's prolly irrevalent tho. The girls gone wild tapes are a poor example of "wild" And the D/s in it? He questioned himself every move he made. take 1 step forward dominate her and take 5 huge steps back and act all confused. I am hard pressed to put my thoughts into words in a sufficent manner, with out going all over the place in a long diatribe before I can find the right words . All I know was I was highly disapointed, the movie was not as good as it'd been puffed up to be. Hearing others in the lifestyle talk about how great it was and how hot it was, and then my experince with it, well it'd be like comparing a giant t bone steak to an orange and trying to call an orange a steak.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/16/2005 1:25:15 PM)
Well, it's easier to extinguish any behavior if there is a viable substitute available. This is particularly true if the behavior is a sublimination of a desire that was felt to be impossible to achieve and then is presented. I found the concept pretty credible. John I was a cutter, people took my razorblades away all the time, I still found other things, not as satisfying to me but other things. I used kitchen can lids, I used sran wrap box edges, I used broken lightbulbs I stole and smashed. Of course there was no replacement for those behaviors, But if there was I belive that it'd have to be equal to or greater than the need cutting fufilled. and it wouldn't happen over night. Point in post, My x dom hated that I sucked my thumb he thought it was age inapropriate and told me to stop all the time. I of course did not do as told and kept on sucking my thumb. The pleasure I derived from my thumbsucking and the comfort was greater than any interest in this case to do as I was told. When I went to him he could stop me forcefully from sucking my thumb, by taking it out, or handcuffing my hand to his or giving me a look, but I didn't stop I just merely kept it out while around him.

sanita -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/16/2005 8:24:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion am hard pressed to put my thoughts into words in a sufficent manner, with out going all over the place in a long diatribe before I can find the right words . grin Thanks for answering. And i can understand the tame part. But hey, it was a mainstream movie. l And... hmmmmmmmmm... you have more control than i do. l Sometimes, i just decide not to post, because i almost always go long. Diatribes are my specialty. nodnodnod

Manawyddan -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/17/2005 6:38:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I want to write an essay for a Dom and have it corrected with a red sharpie. I edited papers for foreign students and undergrads when I was in grad school. I think I still have some red markers somewhere ... quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain I can see why you would say that, but I tend to disagree. Is it realistic? No. Is it accurate? No. Would most vanilla people understand it even if it was realistic and accurate? Most probably not. Is it fun? Yes, to me at least. That's why it's just a movie, made to entertain the masses. Keep in mind that if someone views that movie in a negative light for the lifestyle qualities it portrays, they are most likely still going to view it negatively if it's dead on. Ah well, a movie would be hard pressed to get anything exactly right, especially with something as diverse as BDSM. It's lack of realism was one of the things that made the film enjoyable to me. If it had been realistic, the obvious sexual harrassment would have been unbearable. But instead the film took place in a colorful, goofy universe like Malcolm in the Middle, so I was able to accept people's motivations and behavior in such broadly exaggerated terms.

sanita -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/17/2005 9:39:56 AM)
Oh! Just to bring up a lighter side to this film... One of the things that made me SURE it was writen by a person that knew submission, was the sequence where Lee was trying to move into the lifestyle after being "let go" by Grey. The whole personals thing. The dating men who grabbed her nipples upon meeting her in person instead of shaking her hand. The one who said he was dominant but only wanted her to chain him to an oven and throw meat at him? l And the absolute classic "I thought you said you were submissive?!" from the jerk on the patio. i tell you what, i was laughing, and groaning, and remembering a few exchanges i have had since i discovered my part in this world. Maybe it wasn't written by a sub, but it would have to be a statement by the writer saying so to convince me. 'Course, i'm stubborn.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/17/2005 11:16:10 AM)
Sanita soooooooooooooo true I was in chat one day and I was discussing topping and switching with another lady in there, and I said once I found my dom I didn't want to top him, and this guy takes that instantly to mean I'd submit to any one I guess cause he started trying to order me about ordering me to come here and sit with him talk to him. says come over here and talk to me I like the way you think, so I said I don't take orders from strangers, and he says oh I know I was playing, yeah right lol so then I look at his profile and he's like clear across the world and I t old him plus you're to far away unless you can teletransport and he says no you'd be the transportee, and I said I don't go out of town they have to come to me, and he says you know what's laughable you say you don't want to top your dom but that's all you've been doing is topping. I told him it wasn't topping to have standards for a girls own protection any one who had a real clue would know that. And further more it's not topping if I have not agreed to serve someone. If you had anyc lue about that you'd know that I haven't agree'd to serve you or defere to your wishes, so I am fully in the right to state what I will state. I wasn't suprised to hear a few mins later from someone else telling me not to continue on wasting my breath DD'd blocked me lol. And then would ask poitnedly snide questions, like is it still posting Yeah uh huh right a really mature dom that I should just fall all over myself to defere to and go thoughsands of miles away from home for. I and some others who'd seen this guys behavior got into a conversation about it and every one agree's any one who was honorable would have no problem meeting the girl where she is the safest. And if that means her own town instead of thoughsands of miles away in his town alone for the very first time well then so be it. And of course I do clearlys tate in myprofile any one I would consider would have be be local, or with in 2 or less hours from me or it's no deal. But even if it was only 2 hours away and not like 20 I still refuse to go out of town for someone I don't know. They can come here to me where I am safest or they're just not going to be any one I'd even consider ever.

MasterBenedict -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/21/2005 8:54:02 PM)
First of all, yes, you CAN turn a woman black & blue with just your hand... As long as you are wiling to turn your hand black & blue

sweetwhisper -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/30/2005 5:20:20 AM)
i saw this movie on cable some years ago and it definitely struck a cord with me, i have seen it several times since then and never get tired of it. Sure, the characters both had their issues, but isn't that what makes the movie interesting? Besides, most of the people i know, myself included, have emotional baggage, issues, traumas, etc etc etc... Come to think about it, i don't think i really know anyone who doesn't have some issue, past or present. i could relate to Lee, eventhough i do not self injure myself, i think i displayed my masochist side in other self destructive ways. The movie isn't meant to be a documentary on BDSM, it doesn't have to represent who we are as a community and i doubt that was the intention of the creators. The dom character (Mr. Grey) i found intruiging, he was fighting his own demons, he was fighting his own urges and displayed a sense of guilt for having those needs, to dom or to be sadistic. That i found very interesting. The secretary, Lee, was interesting to watch as well, her development from a shy depressed girl to doing what ever necessary to get what it was she wanted/needed. As far as turn on, i found it very hot but it's not a movie i'd rent just for the sexual scenes, but then again, to me, what gets me hot is the D/s dynamics, which are clear in this film. Like with that other film, shoot, i can't remember the name, 9 weeks? whatever, it was with Kim Basinger and Rooney...oh i can't remember his name either! geez, time to buy focus factor!!! lol anywhoooo, that movie is another one that i find incredibly hot, eventhough it's a bit cheesy and all, but the dynamic between the two characters, that's what does it for me, way more than any raw sex porno. All in all, i give the secretary a thumbs up! : ) sweetwhisper

cinnfulhussy -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/30/2005 10:28:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied To add to the entire cutter thing. The thought that a cutter can quit by tossing their tools into the river. I don't think so. It takes years of therapy for most people. But perhaps the right domlydom can solve any problem. heh Yes, perhaps the right domlydom can. For me, thats exactly what happened. He told me that If I ever hurt myself on purpose again, he would release me. He made it clear that if I was feeling like I needed to cut, to come discuss it with him and we would work things out. That was 6 years ago and I've not cut since. When I've felt the desire or need, I think about the consequences and am able to not do it.

MizKitty -> RE: The Movie "The Secretary" (12/30/2005 2:56:58 PM)
I am rather fond of the movie. I don't think anyone should see the movie as a basis for useable knowledge of BDSM, but it was nice to see the lifestyle in some aspect portrayed as positive. All too often any mention of the lifestyle in the movies is there for comic relief for people who are too close minded to understand it. I've always thought James Spader was hot, and I longed to trade places with the Secretary. I can't type for shit, and I make horrible coffee!!! The movie would have been much hotter if he'd made her eat the worm, though (but that's the kind of evil bitch I am when I dominate)!

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